Fairy Institution
by monkeywahl
Summary: They each have a story, a disorder, trauma. Each being admitted into their local mental hospital, they must face reality head on if they ever wish to recover and be discharged. Along the way, friendships and bonds are made, and maybe, those will be their main reason for success. [NaLu/Gajevy/AU/TRIGGERING CONTENT: mental disorders, self-harm, mentions of suicide/rape etc]
1. Admit Me

_"All living things contain a measure of madness that moves them in strange, sometimes inexplicable ways. This madness can be saving; it is part and parcel of the ability to adapt. Without it, no species would survive." _  
_― Yann Martel_

* * *

**_Chapter One_**

* * *

This was becoming a nightly occurrence and only recently has it gotten worse.

Jude Heartfilia's digital clock sat atop the nightstand that stood next to his bed. It was four in the morning.

He was woken up by muffled feminine yells from a few doors down.

Lucy's room.

Groaning, the widower swung his pajama-covered legs over the edge of his bed. He slipped into his blue slippers and rubbed his bleary eyes. "Every single damn night," he muttered to himself as he stood.

The walk to Lucy's room was short; the hallway was illuminated by the moon. As he ventured closer to the door, the harsh yells from before became more playful and endearing.

Taking a deep breath once outside the girl's room, Jude grabbed the nob and turned, pushing it open. He revealed the space to find Lucy mid-laugh, sitting on her carpeted floor.

He stifled a groan with his palm as he dragged it down his face. "Lucy - what the hell. Who are you laughing at? Come on, go to sleep. It's four in the damn morning."

Lucy's eyes were wide as if she had been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to be. She kept them fixated on an abused part of her toenail. "What are you talking about, Father? Virgo's here." Her eyebrows furrowed and she pointed to an empty side of her room, refusing to look up at him. Jude looked incredulously at her and his lips turned down into a frown.

"Wha- who? You better stop talking like that, Lucy. How many times do I have to tell you that there's no one _here_." The wealthy business man leaned up against the door frame. Lucy's attention darted back and forth across the floor while her teeth worried into her lip.

"How many times do I have to tell _you, _Dad, that there _is_! Virgo's been talking about getting punishment for being bad." Lucy chortled, waving her hand off towards the empty space. "I don't even know what she did wrong, if anything at all."

Jude squeezed the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb. "Lucy, we do this almost every single night. I don't understand what's wrong with you."

The blonde arched her brows in innocent anxiety. "N-nothing's wrong with me. I just don't understand how you can't see my friends.."

Jude shook his head. "They aren't _real_. There's nothing here. There never has been."

Tears welled up in Lucy's eyes but she refused to allow them to spill over. She tilted her head back and blinked hurriedly. "They are! You just wouldn't understand! No, Virgo, I'm okay."

A look of disgust played across Jude's features and he clicked his tongue. "You need help," he stated, turning to walk out of her room.

He stopped to look back at the seventeen-year-old girl with dark bags burdening her eyes. "Pack your stuff. You're leaving tomorrow."

He left her where she sat without another word or time for her to request an explanation. He shut the door behind him and walked back to his bedroom to make a phone call.

The next morning came in a flash.

Lucy poked at the scrabbled eggs on her plate, chin leaning in her palm. Breakfasts in her home were always pretty bland.

Jude asked, "Are your things packed?" He didn't bothering to look up from the week-old newspaper he indulged in.

"Is this poisoned?" Lucy blurted, eyes flicking over to her father suspiciously. "You're definitely trying to poison me with this food," she muttered, "aren't you?"

"Wait, _what?"_ he snapped. "You know... never mind. It's not poisoned you idiot. I'll have the maids pack your things since you're incapable. You'll be leaving in one hour. If you're not going to eat, go scrape your dish and put it in the sink."

The incertitude that ripped through her caused her to bite down on her lip and gently tear at the dry flesh. "It's not poisoned huh," she mumbled to herself.

A few moments later, she wondered, "Where are you sending me?"

"Fairy Institution."

"What's that?"

"A mental hospital for troubled teenagers such as yourself."

Lucy's heart plummeted into her stomach upon listening to her father's words.

_Mental... hospital?_

Crux had told Lucy before that those places are for psychos and she would never belong in one. Had he lied to her?

No, Crux would never lie to her.

Lucy dropped the metal fork, the silverware making an obnoxious _clang_ as it bounced off the plate. Jude raised a displeased eyebrow and poked his head out from behind the paper. He watched as Lucy stared down at the table, mouth agape.

"Is there a problem, Lucy."

"Why-why do I have to go there?! There's nothing wrong with me! There's not, there's not, there's not," she repeated over and over again. Slamming his fist on the dining table, Jude cursed.

"_LUCY_," his voice boomed, "there is clearly something not right here! You haven't been right! Not since Lay.."―he cleared his throat―"since your mother died. You will be admitted into Fairy Institution whether you want to or not. You have no say here."

Not permitting Lucy a response, he called in one of his maids.

Once the cleaner entered the room, Jude wasted no time giving her orders. "Pack Lucy's things and make it quick. We'll be leaving soon." With a quick nod, the small woman scurried off upstairs to do as she was told.

Still staring down at her plate, a dejected frown weighed down Lucy's lips. "How... long am I to.. stay there?" She wasn't going to argue with the authority of her father. Once his mind was made up, there was nothing anyone could do to change it.

He folded the newspaper and placed it down on the table. "You will stay there for as long as needed, until you get those crazy images out of your head."

Her heart lurched. Crazy images? _Images_? Her friends were real people.

Ten minutes later, after the table was cleared of breakfast's items, the maid returned. "The bags are ready Master Jude," she said.

Jude nodded his head, then waved his hand to signal he wanted her to return to her work. "Go get ready," he then commanded his daughter. "Take a shower, I can smell you from here. Disgusting."

Lucy stood from her chair and nodded her head. She focused on the floor the entire way to her bathroom, only paying mind to the persistent buzzing in her ears.

Lucy hopped in the shower. Only did she snap back into reality when the soothing hot water became burning and itching. The scalding liquid left red splotches on her pale skin. As she raked her nails across her body, irritated scratch marks formed.

She proceeded to wash her hair with shampoo and conditioner and scrub herself raw. She shaved under her armpits and her legs and finished by washing her face.

"Hurry the hell up, Lucy! We're going to be late!"

Lucy shut off the water.

She walked out the front door shortly after, their chauffeur and her bags in tow. Jude opened the back door to his limousine for Lucy. "Get in," he ordered.

The driver placed her suitcases in the trunk and after, went to close the door after the duo were in.

The blonde leaned up against the window after she was situated. She watched blankly as the trees and houses passed by until they were nothing but blurs.

Jude eyed his daughter sternly.

_What made you turn into this, Lucy?_ he thought to himself._ You'll get help and you'll be better, I promise._

It was about a two hour car ride to Fairy Institution. Lucy eventually fell asleep against the tinted glass.

Jude noticed she'd rarely sleep; she'd wake up with dark circles under her eyes. They got deeper and darker as the months went on. He wrote it off as result of the stress from staying up late studying, an abundance of homework, drama... But he later found out that it was none of that.

He received many calls from her teachers. They informed him she wasn't doing her work and that she was unfocused and unwilling to take part in academic activities.

Jude knew near nothing about his only child. Once Lucy got home, she'd seclude herself in her room unless she had to come out for dinner or to go to the bathroom. And even at dinner, no words were exchanged.

Could it be his fault she was this way?

The man's attention was drawn to the window once he noticed the large hospital building. He sighed. He knew he wouldn't be seeing her again for a long while. The woman he spoke on the phone with had said visitors weren't often welcomed for it could affect the patient's recovery.

He looked to Lucy_. _Her lips were parted and her forehead rested against the window; she snored softly. Her light hair was once again shiny after so long and it stuck out in different locations.

Had she even brushed it since it dried? Jude doubted it.

The elderly man behind the wheel eventually slowed to a stop in front of the building.

"We've arrived, Master Jude," he announced from the front of the vehicle. "I will retrieve Ms. Lucy's belongings."

"Let's go Lucy, we're here." Jude lightly shook his daughter. She grumbled a few incoherent words, but eventually her eyes fluttered open. Jude sat back and admired the serene look on the teen's face. He rarely saw it. It was short lived.

"Ge-get away from me!" she shrieked, brown orbs that mirrored her mother's wide and face blanched. Jude just stared at her, shocked, unsure of what caused the outburst.

"What's the matter?!"

She was shaking. Why the hell was she shaking?

"Calm down and come on. We're here." The blonde looked out the window, rapidly scanning her eyes across the parking lot. Jude raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to move. "_Go_. Now!" Reluctantly and shakily, she opened the car door and stepped out.

The old man already had the blonde's luggage in hand. When she walked to him, he smiled. "Ready?"

She tugged her top lip beneath her bottom teeth and glanced around to watch her father step out of the vehicle. "There's nothing to worry about Ms. Lucy. The people here are quite friendly; they'll treat you nicely, I'm sure."

She didn't acknowledge his effort to reassure her.

The two men walked in front of Lucy while she trailed shortly behind. Lucy looked up at the large structure and her palms became clammy. She wiped them on her jeans, then ran her fingers through her tangled blonde hair.

"Where's Loki?" she muttered to herself. "I need him right now."

Whenever Lucy needed Loki, he was right there by her side. No matter what. But.. where was he now? Why wasn't giving her advice? Sweet words of encouragement? _Ugh_.

The trio stepped through the sliding glass doors, past a security checkpoint. After entering, Lucy got a face-full of _clean_. She scrunched her nose and looked around, avoiding eye contact with others.

They approached the front desk. "Hello... My name is Jude Heartfilia and I'm here to admit my daughter, Lucy Heartfilia. I believe we spoke on the phone last night?"

Behind the structure sat a woman with light brown hair that was pulled back into a tight bun. Thin, white framed glasses rested atop her small nose and a green sweater clung to her slim body. The lady looked up from the computer screen and focused on Jude. "Ah, yes, hello Mr. Heartfilia." She stood and extended her hand. "Evergreen. Thank you for coming."

The woman known as Evergreen walked out from behind the desk and approached Lucy. She held out her hand, a soft smile floating across her lips. "Hi, Lucy. My name is Evergreen. It's a pleasure to meet you," she greeted.

The blonde shook the her hand while nodding. "It's a.. pleasure to meet you too."

Lucy and the chauffeur were then directed to a row of seats for them to wait while the receptionist and Jude spoke.

"Everything is all set," Lucy heard Evergreen say after a few minutes. "Admission usually takes up to three weeks but my boss wanted her admitted immediately."

After a few sentences Lucy couldn't catch, her father asked, "So, what is there left for me to do?"

"There is nothing more you need to do Mr. Heartfilia. You can say goodbye to your daughter and wish her a healthy recovery. Staff will take it from here."

"I'm not sure how I feel about this place," Lucy murmured to herself, staring down into her lap. The chauffeur seemed to hear her.

"I think it will grow on you." He smiled, though Lucy didn't catch it.

Lucy was able to hear they were saying and it was making her even more nervous. She didn't want her father to leave. She didn't want to stay at this place.

The _clack_ of shoes indicated they were heading her way.

"I can take her bags," Evergreen offered, reaching out for Lucy's belongings. The older man gave them up with a quick thanks and moved to stand with Jude. Lucy stood up as well and walked so she was standing in front of her father.

"Are you really going to leave me here?" she asked, voice hushed, furrowing distressed brows. Jude nodded his head, cupping her cheek with his large hand.

"I'll come get you when you're better, okay?"

She savored the moment of her father's kindness and grasped desperately at his promise.

"Okay then, we can take things from here. We will keep in touch with you," Evergreen assured, a caring smile quirking her mouth. Jude sighed, removed his hand from his daughter's face. He left the building with his driver without speaking another word. Lucy swallowed thickly.

"Lucy? This way please," the busty woman called, already heading in a different direction. The blonde didn't even notice her walk by.

She quietly padded across the tiled floor. She followed Evergreen down a long, empty hallway after passing through another security checkpoint. A few small windows allowed sunlight in the corridor, but besides that, there was nothing but white _everything_. It was practically disorienting.

"I will be showing you to your room first, dear. Then one of the nurses will see to it that you get settled, okay?" The woman craned her neck to look at Lucy's face, and silently, Lucy nodded, lips pursed.

Once the duo reached the end of the hallway, which seemed to go on forever, they made a right. It lead them into another long hallway. Instead of being plain and empty, rooms lined each side of the path.

"These are where our in-patient teens stay. The rooms on the first floor are generally for teens ages sixteen to eighteen." They passed room after room, and Lucy quickly glanced at each one.

Around each door were different, unique paintings that the blonde found enthralling. A square of chalkboard was bolted next to each door with the name of the patient occupying that room written on it.

Since Evergreen traveled at a quick pace, Lucy had to hurry to keep up. She caught glimpses of artwork that included books, music notes, and reptile scales.

Interesting.

"Oh," the brunette said, noticing Lucy's focus on the artwork. "Each long-term patient is allowed to paint around the entryway of their room. It cannot be triggering, though, or have much relevance to your disorder." She came to a halt once reaching an elevator, clicking the 'up' arrow.

"We're going to go to the second floor now, where you will be staying." Evergreen stepped in once the doors opened. Lucy followed.

"Patients are not allowed to use the elevator without the presence of staff." Evergreen fished a key from her pocket and slid the metal into a lock, twisting. She then clicked a button labeled 2. The metal doors shut.

"You're going to be on the second floor with teens age ranged from thirteen to fifteen. Unfortunately, there were no rooms available with your age group. I doubt you'll be interacting with anyone on the second floor so I guess it doesn't matter. The schedules are different for each group."

Lucy found her mind wandering. She wanted to go home. She wanted to lay in her bed while Lyra sang a soothing song.

"Aaand.. here we are." Their climb stopped and the door slid open. When they walked out, they turned to the right into a hallway. They approached the first door on the left.

It seemed to be dead silent all throughout the place.

"What's on the third floor?" Lucy inquired, looking behind her, past the opened doubled doors leading to the staircase.

Evergreen arched her brows and like she forgot something, and said, "Oh! The third floor is for Special Containment patients. You are to _never _go on the third floor, do you understand me? There will be harsh punishments if you disobey that rule."

Still eyeing the stairs with curiosity, Lucy nodded. "Okay."

Evergreen sifted through her keys and once she found the one she was looking for, unlocked the thick door. She allowed Lucy to enter first, and followed behind her.

The room was bigger than Lucy expected. There was one large window in the wall straight ahead, which allowed her to view the lush field beyond it. It was barred. She'd take a look at the scenery some other time.

There was a twin sized bed positioned next to the left wall, white and pale blue sheets folded neatly atop it. A large dresser was next to the door, and lastly, a small desk was in the farthest right corner with a simple lamp on top.

Evergreen sat Lucy's bags on the tiled floor while the blonde sat on the unmade bed. "Nurse Mirajane Strauss will be with you in a moment. Please make yourself comfortable for the time being." The tall female adjusted her glasses and smiled at the teen.

"I wish you a speedy, happy recovery, Lucy."

* * *

**A/N: **Hi guys! This story will be a chapter fic, albeit I am unsure of exactly howmany chapters this will contain.

Before I get into anything further, I must warn you, reader, that this fanfiction will contain potentially **_triggering _**situations and/or actions. Please, _please_, **_read at your own risk._**

I apologize in advance if I make a mistake in describing/portraying a mental disorder a character is dealing with, but know that I will truly try my best to be as accurate as possible. Thank you for taking time to read this fic and please don't forget to leave a review! Thank you!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Fairy Tail or the characters.


	2. Show Me

_"People are always selling the idea that people with mental illness are suffering. __I think madness can be an escape.  
__If things are not so good, you maybe want to imagine something better."  
__― John Forbes Nash, Jr._

* * *

**_Chapter Two_**

* * *

A few minutes after Evergreen left, there was a knock at the door.

"You can come in," Lucy permitted.

She turned around to see who was entering. It was the nurse.

The young woman's thick white hair was also pulled back into a bun that sat at the top of her head. Her young, deep blue eyes seemed to sparkle against the afternoon rays. Her skin was porcelain and her lips were a flattering red.

"Hello!" The woman extended her hand as she walked closer to Lucy. "My name is Mirajane Strauss, but everyone just calls me Mira." They shook hands. "If Evergreen hasn't already told you, I'm a nurse, but I mostly work with teens sixteen to eighteen."

Lucy's fingers tingled with anxiety. She didn't like meeting new people.

"May I sit?" the nurse asked. She gestured to the bed, and Lucy nodded once more.

The nurse passed Lucy and sat down and crossed her legs, flattening her white nurses dress. It complimented the swell of her breasts.

Opening a manila folder that was tucked beneath her arm, she pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to Lucy. "Here's your daily schedule," she told her. Lucy took the paper in her hands and looked it over. "All patients in the same age group get the same schedule."

The nurse stood up with a sigh, and Lucy followed her with her wary features. "Would you like me to give you a tour, Lucy?"

Gentle eyes waited for the blonde to answer.

"I guess."

Mirajane smiled. "Then follow me."

The duo walked to the staircase and descended with the schedule in hand. Lucy scrolled her attention over a sign on the wall.

_Ages 16-18: First Floor_  
_Ages 13-15: Second Floor_  
_Special Containment: Third Floor_

Mirajane walked at a slow pace, so this time around, Lucy had the chance to look at the paintings more.

One door was surrounded by slices of cake with two strawberries atop each.

"That's Erza Scarlet's room," Mira pointed out, noticing Lucy's observations. Lucy didn't reply.

"I'm sure you'll be meeting them all tomorrow. The ones who stay on this floor, I mean."

Another one had a dragon clad in dark red scales and wide wings climbing the side. The chalkboard beside it read 'Natsu'.

Once they came to the intersection of hallways, they continued straight. They walked down a hallway Lucy wasn't taken to when she was first entered.

"Down here are the recreational rooms.. the dining hall.. the gym.. showers."

The nurse hummed for a moment.

"The patients on the first and second floors eat together. They're in the dining hall now," she mentioned. "Patients on the third floor eat in their rooms since they aren't allowed out."

The windows to their right held the same view Lucy's room had.

She stared out the glass the entire way through the hallway, scanning across the tall grass. The morning sun nurtured the green field swaying in the morning wind and beyond it stood a row of pine trees as far as she could see.

A bird dashed by, squawking loudly.

Shortly, the two females were greeted by two double doors.

Mirajane opened the door and allowed the girl to peek in.

"This is the gym, where you will be getting exercise during your stay. You only have gym twice a week, though, so it isn't that bad. All you'll need is shorts and sneakers, really. We can provide you with what you need if necessary."

Mirajane escorted Lucy to each room she'd be visiting, explaining arrival and departure times.

"Now, lastly, I'll be showing you to your counselor."

_Counselor?_

No, wait. Lucy didn't need counseling.

Why was she even here in the first place? There wasn't anything wrong with her. Her mother used to tell her that she saw them too, and _she _was never institutionalized.

So then, what was so special about Lucy's case?

"I don't need counseling," Lucy assured. The nurse glanced over her shoulder.

"I'm sorry Lucy. I know you don't feel like you belong here. But in due time, you'll come to understand."

_Come to understand? _What the hell did that even mean?

They walked back down the hallway that lead to the entrance.

"All therapists are down here, near the entrance checkpoint."

As the females reached the end of the hallway Lucy first entered from, they took a left before the glass box. They were met with a shorter hallway. There were four closed doors, two on either side.

Mira knocked on the first door on the right; a small plaque hung beside it but Lucy didn't get a chance to read it.

"Come in!" was the permission from beyond the wood, and the nurse opened the door.

"Hi Meredy!" Mira exclaimed happily, greeting the lady behind the desk.

"Oh hi Mira! It's been a while! I hear we have a new patient?"

Mirajane stepped aside then, revealing the girl who wished to remain hidden.

This was all so uncomfortable.

"Um, hi," Lucy said hesitantly, raising her hand as a slight wave.

"This is Lucy," Mirajane introduced, and the woman known as Meredy beamed. "This is Miss Meredy, Lucy. She will be your counselor."

Meredy smiled politely and folded her hands on top of her desk. "I look forward to working with you, Lucy. I hope you get settled in comfortably."

After the duo left Meredy's office, Mirajane explained that there was another female counselor. Her name was Mrs. Bisca Connell, and she worked with the age group thirteen through fifteen.

The boys had two counselors as well. Mr. Elfman Strauss, who was Mira's brother, and worked with teens thirteen through fifteen. There was also Mr. Alzack Connell, who was Bisca's husband, and worked with teens sixteen through eighteen.

"Let's go back to your room now, alright?" Mira suggested as they began to walk back down the long hallway. A bell rang then, twice, and Lucy looked up to the woman in question.

"Oh, that's the bell to switch classes. There'll be five minutes for you to move to your next activity."

As the duo was rounding the corner, heading back, Lucy looked down the opposite hallway. In front of the group of teenagers that came down it walked two boys, louder and more prominent than the others.

One had pink hair and the other had dark hair.

"Come on Lucy~, you don't want to get caught up in that group, now do you?" Mira teased as Lucy stopped.

"R-right," the blonde agreed, and hurried off towards the staircase.

Once they were behind Lucy's closed door, the young woman picked up Lucy's bags and set them on her desk.

"Okay, one last thing, then I'm out of your hair."

"What are you doing?" the blonde inquired, furrowing her brows as she came up beside Mirajane.

"I'm just checking your bags for anything that you may be able to use to harm yourself or others," was her calm reply. She began to neatly place the contents of the bag on the desk.

"Oh.."

Mirajane plucked Lucy's razors and a scarf from the pile. She gathered up her shoelaces and sweatshirt strings, and held them within her arms.

"You'll get these back when you're discharged. You're allowed to use a razor when you shower but there must be a nurse there with you in the bathroom. You can shower on any free time. Nurses will be present at nine o'clock to eleven o'clock in the morning."

The nurse began to walk to the door.

"Things are pretty straightforward around here, Lucy. If you keep to your schedule and don't cause trouble, then things will run smoothly. I'll see you around, sweetie."

She left with a kindhearted smile, leaving the blonde to herself. Looking down at her schedule, Lucy read it over again.

_Wake-up call: 7:00_

_Breakfast: 8:00-9:00_

_Free time: 9:05-11:00_

_Arts and Crafts: 11:05-12:00_

_Lunch: 12:05-1:00_

_Free time: 1:05-2:00_

_Outside Rec/Gym on Tuesdays and Thursdays: 2:05-3:00_

_Group Session: 3:05-4:00_

_Free time: 4:05-6:00_

_Dinner: 6:05-7:00_

_Free time: 7:05-8:55_

_Curfew: 9:00_

_Lights out: 10:30_

In the bottom corner of the sheet had hand written instructions.

_Meet with counselor today at 1:00._

"So busy..." the blonde groaned. She sat down on her bed, allowing the paper to slide out of her hands and travel silently to the floor.

She had three hours before she had to meet with her counselor.

"You look awfully b_oooo_tiful today," a voice suddenly broke in. Lucy knew that voice well; she smiled.

"Hey Taurus." She smiled brightly while turning to look at her friend. The individual representing a cow stood against the wall next to the window. His large arms folded across his chest while he supported a grin. "I can always count on you to compliment me," she giggled, moving the blankets so she could lay on the mattress.

"Do you like it here?" he wondered aloud, sparing a quick glance down at his large golden nose ring. Lucy watched the ceiling.

"No way. I want to go home," she stated, swallowing thickly. "This isn't a place for me... you know? Why did Daddy even send me here?"

"You're m_oo_st certainly right, dear. Does it matter the reason behind it, though? What Daddy says goes."

"You're right."

No matter how unpleasant a situation seemed, Lucy knew her friends would be there to support her. And, they constantly were. They always had been.

The three hours passed in no time.

"Ah! Lucy, please, come in!"

The blonde stepped past the doorway to Meredy's office and shut the door behind her. She helped herself to a seat in front of the woman's desk.

"So! Lucy." Meredy interlaced her fingers and placed them under her chin, elbows resting on the wood. "Are you all settled in?"

"Mhm. My clothes are put away.. and my bed is made."

The pink-haired woman smiled sincerely and nodded her head slightly.

"Good, good."

A few moments of silence passed.

"How do you feel about coming to Fairy Institution?..." Meredy asked.

Lucy placed her hands in her lap. "I really don't feel like I belong here, ma'am."

The counselor nodded her head again. "I see.. Well, Lucy, you_ are _here for a reason, you know. But let's save that for another meeting, sound good?"

_What's there to decide another time if there's nothing wrong with me?_

Lucy frowned.

"Alright. So what time do you want our sessions to be? I'm free from nine to ten in the morning, and five to six in the evening." Meredy took out a blue sticky note and a black pen and awaited the blonde's answer.

"Five to six, I guess," Lucy answered quietly. The woman jotted down the times, tore of the note, and handed it to Lucy.

"Works for me!" she said with a smile, her forest green eyes watching the girl as she charily took the paper.

"Will you shut the fuck up!"

Lucy jolted, startled, the male voice booming from beyond the closed door. Meredy shook her head.

The person who yelled stomped off with a loud grunt and angry curses that were muffled.

"Sorry about that," the woman apologized. "That's one of the patients here. His name is Gajeel; I'm sure you'll be meeting him sometime tomorrow."

Lucy's brows raised. She didn't _want _to meet him. Meredy seemed to notice the amount of displeasure on the teen's face.

"Oh you shouldn't have to worry about Gajeel having another outburst... Bu I'm sorry, I can't say much more: not allowed to give out patient information to other patients!"

Lucy shook her head. "Oh, no, it's okay.."

After a few more minutes of an idle, one-sided chat, Meredy allowed Lucy to leave.

"Ah, and Lucy?" the woman called once Lucy's hand was on the door nob. "You don't have to come down for dinner tonight. But I'll send someone up to give you a little something, okay?"

The blonde nodded her head with an appreciative smile. "Sure. Thank you."

And with that, she walked out of the office and returned to her room.

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews! You're all so kind.


	3. Meet Me

_"When you are mad, mad like this, you don't know it. __Reality is what you see. When what you see shifts, departing from anyone else's reality, it's still reality to you."  
__― Marya Hornbacher_

* * *

**_Chapter Three_**

* * *

Over the loudspeaker, two bells rang, causing Lucy to gasp awake.

What an annoying way to wake up.

After they ended, Lucy relaxed against the single pillow beneath her head and groaned. Seven in the morning was _way_ too damn early to be conscious. Even when she had school, she only had to wake up at eight to be ready by the time she needed to leave.

What the hell was she to do for an hour? Get dressed, and then what?

Lucy swung her slim legs over the side of her bed and held her hand to her lips as she yawned.

"Might as well get ready.." she mumbled groggily, eyes half-lidded, weighed down my drowsiness. The strap of her pale yellow nightgown hung loosely off her shoulder, but the blonde made no attempt to fix it.

"You don't need to get ready, Princess. You look beautiful the way you are."

"Ah, good morning Loki," she greeted tiredly, waving her hand in the male's direction. The ginger was standing near the door and he moved his black shades down his pointed nose.

"What do you say we get out of here and go have a little fun in the town?" he offered, a suave smirk adorning his lips.

Lucy retrieved a brush from her bag and began to disentangle her tresses, unfazed by his proposition.

"You know I can't leave," she sighed, to which the bespectacled man pursed his lips.

"Oh yeah.. that's right," he grumbled.

The blonde clothed herself in baggy grey sweatpants and a tight short-sleeve yellow t-shirt.

It was close to eight, Loki still hadn't left, and she needed to head to the bathroom.

Shit.

She'd have to pass _all of those rooms _to get to the restrooms. What if the other patients were out? What if they tried to _interact _with her?

She wasn't ready.

"Lucy," Loki called, snapping her away from her frantic thoughts.

"Y..eah..?" Pressure thudded against the walls of her veins and glued her tongue to the roof of her mouth.

"It'll be fine, I promise." The man pushed himself off the wall and nodded his head at the door. "C'mon, I'll walk with you the entire way."

"Really?" If he was there with her then she supposed she could do it. Her chocolaty eyes lit up.

"Of course," Loki reassured, and stepped aside so she could reach the door nob. "Let's go-"

There was a click and the door was swung open. Lucy was greeted by a woman on the other side.

"Oh, um, good morning," the opposite person greeted, hand retracting. "Sorry, were you not aware of confinement until seven forty-five?"

Lucy's smile faded and she stepped back one step, glancing to the left in hopes of seeing Loki. He wasn't there anymore.

"No? Well.. Anyways, I'm just here to give you your pills... um..."―she looked down at a clipboard―"Lucy Heartfilia, yes?"

Lucy nodded her head and swallowed around the desert known as her throat.

The woman before her had short white hair and large sea blue eyes; they almost looked teal.

"My name is Lisanna Strauss, by the way. I pass out the medication." She smiled, and the blonde averted her gaze. What was with the cheery attitude so early in the day?

"My pills?" Lucy questioned. No one told her anything about having to take pills.

"Ah, yes." The nurse turned around briefly and Lucy noticed there was a cart waiting behind her. Lisanna turned back around, holding a small white paper cup.

"You need to swallow this." She held it out towards Lucy, frowning sympathetically.

Lucy grabbed the cup from the nurse before her and looked into it. "What is it?"

"Invega, I think that's what I was told. It's required that you take them to start out until we can give you a proper diagnosis."

"Um..." Whatever. "Without water?" It couldn't be that bad.

Lucy arched her eyebrows at the tablet occupying the bottom. The nurse shook her head and turned around. She returned with another cup. It was filled halfway with water.

"This should be enough."

A nagging feeling had Lucy hiding the pill between her gum and cheek, pretending to swallow. Lisanna had her open her mouth and lift her tongue to check.

"Good. Thank you, Lucy."

The nurse turned and began to walk away down the hall, stopping at the next room over.

Lucy spit the pill out into her hand and folded her fist around it.

Damn, now she had to rush.

The bell to the first activity would be ringing soon, so she made a dash for the stairs. When Lucy rounded the corner to the staircase, she spotted Loki again.

"Loki, hey!" she scolded in a hushed tone. "Where were you?! Why did you just disappear?"

Loki crossed his arms over his black tuxedo and smirked. "Sorry hun. Duty calls, ya'know?"

Lucy scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Whatever," she whispered. "Come on, I have to get to the bathroom before we need to be at breakfast."

She began travelling down the steps. Loki whistled an unfamiliar tune.

Once the girl stepped down onto the first floor, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

The male placed a reassuring hand onto her shoulder and said, "Quit stressin' out, Lucy. It'll be fine."

She nodded her head. "You could be right."

She stepped down into the hallway and it was completely empty. _Where was everyone?_

"Huh.. Guess no one's home," Loki said, a chuckle following afterwards.

Lucy continued down the silent hallway; the soft clack of her shoes filled the empty air.

"Seems so," she murmured.

The girl mentally cheered for making it to the restrooms without contacting anyone. It was.. strange for no one to be walking around even though the day would be starting soon. But, Lucy did mind much. At least there was no one that would speak to her.

"You can't come in, Loki," Lucy warned, pushing open the bathroom door, pill in palm.

"But why not?" he whined, pouting his bottom lip.

The blonde rolled her eyes and nodded towards the female on the sign.

"_Women's _bathroom!"

She pushed through the door, leaving behind the sulking man. Did he really feel the need to follow her _everywhere_?

"Who were you talking to?"

Lucy jumped."Holy shit," she breathed, taken off guard, the person before her eyeing her.

"There's no one by the name of.. Loki in this hospital," she stated, drying her hands with a paper towel. "Unless we got another new patient besides you?"

The girl had long scarlet hair and it was pulled back in a high pony. It was so... stunning.

Snapping out of her roaming thoughts, Lucy looked to the tiled floor and moved past the female. Out of her peripheral vision, she noticed red and pink marks across the person's wrist. Her view was cut short due to the girl pulling down her long navy blue sleeves.

"He's my friend," Lucy said quietly, walking towards the stalls of toilets. She tried to hide her fist.

"You really shouldn't flush your pulls," she said softly, throwing away the used towel.

_How'd she know?_

Lucy exhaled shakily. Before closing the stall door, she warned, "It really isn't any of your business."

There were so many people.

Lucy felt like she was going to throw up.

Despite her seclusion in a corner of the dining hall, everyone's eyes seemed to be on her. Even the lunch ladies―er, lunch _men _seemed to hand over strange gazes.

Her trembling palm cradled her chin as she lazily poked into the rubber sausage on her tray. This breakfast sucked. It was like she was eating shitty school food, but, she was hungry, so it'd have to do.

Lucy hopelessly coveted for her father's maid's cooking.

She was about to take a bite out of the maple sausage when she noticed someone walking in her direction.

He had pink hair. Pink hair... Pink hair! This was the guy she saw the day before! But oh shit, the guy she saw the day before was pulling out a chair at her table!

"Hey," he greeted. Lucy put down her fork after allowing the meat to linger on her bottom lip for a moment. Her pulse was battering against her skin.

"Uh, hi," she responded. She fixed a piece of shiny blonde hair behind her ear and licking the sweetness off her lip.

When he said, "Are you a new patient? I haven't seen you around before," Lucy's attention was drawn to his face. He held a confident smile and sincere eyes. Why? Wasn't he supposed to be psychotic? Wasn't that why he was in this place?

"Yeah," the blonde said simply, adjusting herself uncomfortably in her seat.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't even introduce myself!" He chuckled heartily and ran a hand through his pink locks, brushing his long bangs from his face. "My name's Natsu Dragneel," he gave, placing his elbows on the table, leaning forward. He was grinning.

What was the need to be so excited? She wasn't much.

"Lucy.. Lucy Heartfilia." She forced a smile that wasn't convincing in the least.

"Look, I can tell how anxious you are." He paused. "It's radiating off of you like, uh"―he coughed― "_heat_, or something. But you really shouldn't worry all that much.. This facility isn't as bad as you think."

The large-chested girl nodded, though skeptical. She looked to her plate, mentally pleading for him to go away.

"How old are you?"

Lucy fought every urge to roll her eyes and tell him to leave her alone. "I'm seventeen," she answered, and his face lit up even more.

"Oh, really! Me too! Looks like we'll be in the same activities together, huh?"

"I.. guess we will be, then."

Natsu stood abruptly and pointed to a large group of people at another table. "You see those guys over there?" He glanced from Lucy to the group to her again and continued. "We're all gonna be in Arts and Crafts together in a few hours."

Lucy raised her brows at the teen in front of her.

"I'll introduce you then, sound alright? They're really great, you'll love 'em, I promise. See you around, Lucy."

He didn't give the blonde a chance to reply before he was running off back to his seat. Lucy watched as a few of them glanced in her direction.

Lucy sighed. This was going to be one hell of a day.

* * *

**A/N: **Hi everyone! I didn't want to cram Lucy's entire day into one chapter because then it would have probably been around 5,000 words, and I wanted to get out the next chapter as soon as possible for you guys.


	4. Introduce Me

_"It was that sort of sleep in which you wake every hour and think to yourself that you have not been sleeping at all; __you can remember dreams that are like reflections, daytime thinking slightly warped."  
__― Kim Stanley Robinson_

* * *

**_Chapter Four_**

* * *

Natsu's never seen someone run so fast at the sound of the bell.

"Damn," he muttered, watching Lucy sprint out the double doors before anyone else could get close to them. He shrugged his shoulders. Natsu didn't know what she was in the facility for, or why, but he was more than eager to find out.

By the time Lucy returned to the safety of her room, she was panting and her heart had crawled into her throat.

"Is there something the matter, Princess?"

Lucy pushed off from leaning against the door, staggered to her bed, and plopped down onto her back.

"Virgo?" the girl called, chest still rising and falling at an unsteady pace. "Those people... They were all trying to attack me... I could feel it. Why were they going to hurt me?"

Virgo leaned over Lucy, blocking the blonde's view of the whiteness above. The iron shackles around Virgo's wrists clanked, palms resting atop her socked knees.

"The people here are crazy," she casually answered with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders. "It's only natural."

The patient stared into Virgo's lifeless blue eyes, losing her sense of direction. "Is that true?" she pondered, breathing finally becoming even as she became lost in the sea of sapphire.

"Yes."

Lucy watched as the woman straightened her back and fixed a thick pink lock of hair behind her ear. She walked to the window.

"And if I am wrong, you may punish me, Princess. I actually encourage you to do so, regardless the circumstance."

"I'll think about it," Lucy advised plainly, beginning to zone out of reality. Yet one thing still bothered her.

What were those pills supposed to treat, anyway?

Lucy was the first one in the art room. The teacher hadn't even arrived. She pulled out a stool at the table closest to the door and sat with her hands in her lap.

"I could give you a stylish cut while you wait.. ebi." The sound of snapping scissors lingered around Lucy's ears, and she rolled her eyes.

"Cancer!" she warned in a hushed tone. "If you don't get out of here soon, they'll all see you!"

A pair of hands clamped down onto Lucy's shoulders and she jolted, gasping. A voice spoke next to her cheek, warm breath smoothing over her skin.

"Who are we gonna see?"

"Get off of me!" she screeched instinctively, flailing her arms in an attempt to get the person away. Natsu immediately backed away, her outburst causing his shit-eating grin to fade. He bumped into someone.

"Natsu, watch it," a male scolded, and Natsu furrowed his brows, disregarding the warning.

He took a hesitant step forward. "You okay, Lucy? Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I thought you heard me come in."

Lucy was wringing her right wrist, hanging her head down, inhaling shakily. "N-n..no, Cancer, I'm fine, fine," she whispered faintly.

Natsu frowned.

Before he was able to investigate further, a hand wrapped around his tricep. "Natsu, let's go." He looked to his right.

"Erza..?" He searched her eyes to see if _she _had any answers, but instead of finding any, he allowed her to usher him along. She directed them towards their regular table.

"Do you know why she's in here?" Natsu quietly wondered. Erza shook her head.

"She came into the bathroom this morning talking to someone named Loki or something." The redhead paused, pulling at the edges of her sleeves. "Then she flushed her pills."

"She should freakin' know better.."

"What do you expect, Gray? She's new and probably clueless about her illness. We all did the same thing when we first came here."

Gray sighed.

Lucy wanted to run away; run out of this room, out of this hospital, out of this town. Who's bright fucking idea was it to expose her to all these new, emphasize **_new_**, people?

When she was around the kids in her class, she was fine. She'd grown up with them and even got to know a few, but now she felt uncomfortable and isolated.

The art room began to steadily fill with other teenagers. Lucy felt a more friendly pair of faint hands rub her shoulders soothingly.

"We're here, don't worry."

The female still hung her head low, but she murmured, "Thanks Loki." She inhaled a single deep breath. She could do this. She could get through the day. Perhaps.

"Okay everyone! Settle down now, please."

A flash of white caught her eye and Lucy looked up. An overweight man with a ginger brown afro walked in the room, his white shirt taut against his flesh.

"He should lose some weight, yeah?" Loki whispered against her ear, and the lone girl fought back a giggle. She acknowledged him with a quick nod.

"So I hear we have a new patient?"

Immediately, all eyes were on her. There was a soft squeeze to her shoulder, and Lucy raised her hand.

"Oh!" came the man's cheerful exclaim. He walked over to her table, holding out his hand. "I'm your art teacher, Reedus."

She pursed her lips and shook his hand, then introduced herself.

"That's such a pretty name, Lucy." He smiled while saying so. "Before we get into anything today, you haven't painted the walls around your door yet, have you?"

Lucy shook her head and bit the inside of her bottom lip.

"Okay, just give me a second." He turned to the other patients. "Class, you'll be working on your scenery paintings today. Gajeel, make sure you're actually _working_ on it this time. Natsu, you too."

_Gajeel?_

Lucy turned her head in the direction her teacher was speaking. At a table in the back corner sat Natsu, that girl from the bathroom, and others. She recognized most of them from breakfast.

There was a female with large brown eyes, like her own, but bursting with curiosity and care. She was smiling kindly at Lucy, and quickly, the blonde averted her gaze back to Reedus.

"She looks cute... ebi." The female snuck a quick glance towards the man in red.

"I guess so," she mumbled.

"Lucy? If you would follow me?"

With paint in one hand and brushes in the opposite, Reedus followed Lucy to her room. Once in front of the door, the art teacher set the tools down on the tiled floor and stood back.

"Well, that's that. You can paint whatever you'd like, just keep it generally appropriate. If you're not done by the bell, you can either continue working on it through lunch or tomorrow during class. Have fun and be creative. Welcome to Fairy Institution, dear."

The blonde nodded, forcing a small smile, and her teacher walked off. Lucy sat on the floor, listening to the white noise that filled her ears.

A sigh came from next to her - a heavy, feminine sigh, and a small smile brightened Lucy's dark eyes. "Hi Aquarius. Haven't seen you in a while."

The woman leaning against the doorjamb flipped her long ocean blue hair over shoulder. She scowled. "I've been on dates with my boyfriend, something you wouldn't know about."

Lucy giggled softly and titled her head. "How's Scorpio doing, anyway?"

Aquarius narrowed her eyes and folded her arms over her large chest. "He's doing just _fine_, and that's all you need to know," she spat. The girl on the floor paid no heed to her natural coldness.

"What should I paint, Aquarius?"

"_Tch_. How am I supposed to know?" The bluenette paused, adjusting the bikini top that clung for dear life around her neck and back. "Draw the sky or something. You like that stuff don't you?"

Lucy nodded once and stared at the wall before her for a few seconds. "Good idea, Aquarius... Thanks."

After a few moments of Lucy just sitting there, Aquarius sighed impatiently. "_Well_? Aren't you going to _start_? I don't have all day, you know." Lucy blinked, looking to her.

"Ah, yeah."

By the time Lucy finished painting, the lunch bell had been well past rung and creativity was seeping through her pores. Her water-loving friend left quite some time ago, stating that she had urgent business to get to. Lucy had waved her off so she could concentrate.

It seemed as if this was the first time Lucy could actually focus for an extended amount of time without being distracted. For that, the blonde was proud.

Standing up to view her progress, Lucy put a hand that sported paint on her hip, scanning her eyes across her work.

"Hey Lucy!" a voice belonging to Natsu greeted, his loud steps growing closer. She frowned, almost in loathing.

"Hi," she responded, kneeling down to pack away the crafts.

"Woah... That looks awesome!" Lucy noticed his staring out of the corner of her brown orbs but she kept her head low.

"Th..anks."

He chuckled in amazement. "I had no idea you could paint this good! You may be the best in our class, Luce."

"You persistent bastard, why can't you just leave me alone? Can't you see I'm fine with my friends here? I don't need any more than I already have."

That's what Lucy would have _liked_ to say if she were haughty, but she wasn't. She was an outcast; a timid girl. She settled with a breathy thanks and stood up, tools and used paint cradled within her pale arms.

"Here, I'll carry that for you." Natsu reached his arms outward, intending to retrieve the items occupied by Lucy's grasp. She eyed him warily before allowing him to take the things away from her and into his own hold.

"Come on," he insisted, "I'll walk with you down to the art room."

The blonde began to follow him, but why exactly? Why was she following him? Why did this person give off such a calm vibe for being psychotic? She'd need to be careful.

"Shouldn't you be in lunch?" she inquired, watching his right foot step ahead of his left foot.

"Well I didn't see ya in the dining hall, so I thought I'd come looking for you."

She didn't respond.

"What you drew was really something. I like it a lot," he complimented as they walked down the long hallway, the girl leading them towards the art room.

"Mm. Thanks."

When the duo arrived at the room vacant of patients, Natsu walked in and set the tools down. Reedus was no longer in the room, so Natsu walked back out, only to find the female retreating.

"H-hey!" He jogged to catch up, to which she responded by putting distance between them horizontally.

"Sorry I didn't introduce you to the gang earlier.. I would've but you seemed kinda freaked out, so I decided not to."

This boy just didn't know how to take a hint.

Lucy focused her gaze at the stairway at the other end of the hallway, blocking out Natsu's nosy chatter. Before she reached the stairs, she foolishly glanced at him. Again, her ears were invaded by unwanted sounds, but time, it was a proposal.

"If you com'ta Gym, I'll definitely introduce you to everyone."

_If _she went? She most certainly did not have a choice in the matter.

The girl held a sidelong stare, keeping her lips pursed and eyelids relaxed. Without a warning, she continued up the stairs, leaving Natsu to raise an eyebrow in deflated curiosity.

"O... kay then... See you in an hour!"

This environment was interesting. Lucy never had this kind of contact with other people before, and frankly, she wasn't taking a liking to it.

She managed to successfully make it to the gym, but bumped into someone and stumbled backwards.

"S-sorry," Lucy mumbled. She looked up and realized she had knocked into Erza; in front of her stood Natsu.

Those two and other patients were standing around the closed doors of the gymnasium. The jumbled noise of their conversations slowly died down. Before she was able to read the situation, all eyes were on her, and Erza was clutching her upper arm.

"Hey!"

Lucy's wide eyes fell upon Natsu in seconds and she watched as he made his way to her. As Natsu slung an arm around her shoulder, Lucy winced as if he were going to hit her. He didn't, and it took her a few moments to relax beneath his gentle cradle.

"Shit," Erza hissed. She avoided eye contact as she ran passed the duo. Natsu furrowed his eyebrows but recovered straightaway.

"This is Lucy Heartfilia." He rubbed her arm as if trying to soothe her roaring nerves. "She's new."

Lucy scanned her eyes across the many faces in front of her, each one blurring into a mass of deformities.

"That was Erza Scarlet, the one who ran off."

"Gray Fullbuster." Natsu pointed to the boy with dark hair, then to another with a tall stature and broad shoulders. "That's Gajeel Redfox."

"Levy McGarden."

"Juvia Lockser."

Lucy's lips parted, her voice intending to trail from her throat, but nothing came out. There were giggles and she shot her eyes to the ground, cheeks rubescent. She found the floor more interesting than the blobs of colors before her.

Sounds trailed to her ears, announcing such things as pleasant greetings and welcomes.

The arm around her shoulders unwrapped itself and Lucy found a presence directly in front of her.

"Hi, I'm Levy."

Lucy lifted her eyes to meet with an opposite pair that had screamed of kindness and compassion.

"Hi."

Her hair was a sweet blue that framed her narrow face, the gentle waves flowing over her shoulders.

"You'll come to like it here, I promise," she assured earnestly. "It's always rough the first few weeks, but it'll be fine once you settle."

The blonde knew common courtesy. She knew not to stare, ask embarrassing or personal questions, or judge a person by their appearance.

She was trying her best, she was but... she's just never seen someone so thin.

"Especially since you'll be hangin' with us!" Natsu added, causing Lucy to jump at his sudden buoyant outburst. She didn't like loud situations.

The gym teachers, who came to be Laxus Dreyar and Elfman Strauss, allowed Lucy to sit out since it was her second day. She was notably grateful for this, because _holy shit_.

She wasn't sure what she was spectating. Was it a team friendly game of football where the boys solely played while the females stood off to the side? Or was it a rough get together between guys in a desperate need to burn off steam in the most physical way possible?

Excluding Erza. She hadn't come to gym.

"Get in the game, girls!" Laxus constantly reminded. They didn't.

Next was group therapy.

The only one who seemed honest about explaining the experience was Gajeel. "It's fuckin' boring and a waste of time," he'd said, which caused Levy to hit him across his arm. It was weak, Lucy could tell, but Levy scolded her friend regardless.

They sat in folding chairs which were arranged in a semicircle, a woman with deep plum-colored hair and large hips seated at the opening. Natsu sat to the left of Lucy, and Levy occupied the seat to her right.

"How is everyone doing today?" the lady asked, fixing the black dress that modestly complimented her body.

"Good," a majority answered.

Gajeel had no problem expressing his displeasure. His answer was: "Shitty."

The woman either didn't hear Gajeel or chose to ignore him, because her attention focused on Lucy.

"Your name is Lucy Heartfilia, yes?"

The blonde nodded her head, far from willing to accept another welcome speech.

"Well first, welcome."

So much for that.

The woman smiled kindly, idly tapping the pen between her fingers on the pad of paper resting atop her lap.

"My name is Ultear Milkovich and I run the group counseling session. This is just a place for you to feel comfortable with absolutely anything. You will never be judged in this facility. We don't always discuss our problems, but we do do it once or twice a week."

Lucy didn't bother to acknowledge the woman before her, for she was staring past her. She was watching Plue and Pyxis playfully chase each other around the room.

"Puun pun~!"

"P-icaw!"

Lucy let out a string of giggles once her trembling friend tripped over the leg of a table and fell. Pyxis jumped on top of it, flapping his wings, an amused expression morphing his orange beak.

Natsu leaned over and whispered, "What's so funny?" He followed her gaze, seeing nothing that would even remotely trigger his laughter.

For the first time, Lucy smiled properly. "They're fooling around over there."

Counselor Ultear watched Lucy carefully, reading the duo's lips. She scribbled a few notes on her pad and looked over to Erza. The patient was watching Lucy and Natsu through her peripheral vision, features impassive.

Ultear was definitely looking forward to seeing how Lucy will effect this group.

The session thankfully came to an end rather quickly, and so, Lucy headed back to her room. Before entering though, she examined her painting for a brief second. She shrugged, feeling content with the blazing sun and small white stars that surrounded an array of dark hues. Planets, most a mixture of blue and purple and others pink and orange, hovered around the door frame. They held some type of life on its surface that only Lucy knew of.

Soon, dinner rolled around, and from beyond her door, she was being summoned by Natsu. Lucy continued to stare blankly up at her ceiling, not bothering to bat an eye at his request.

"Luuucy.. Come on, please?" When he didn't hear a response, yet again, he sighed. "You're gonna get in trouble if they find out you're not eating."

She could have sworn she heard him mumbled, "And I want to spend more time with you."

It was probably just her imagination.

"He's starting to get annoying, don't you think?" Loki asked, and he looked to the other individuals in the small room. Virgo sat at the foot of Lucy's bed, nodding.

"Yes. That boy has been bothering you, has he not, Princess?"

Lucy hummed in response, hardly paying attention to their accusations.

"You're being cautious around these people, right?" Taurus added.

"I am."

"Okay.. I'm gonna go to dinner now." Natsu paused, closing his eyes for a few seconds. "Everyone's looking forward to getting to know you.." His voice trailed off. He sounded hurt. "I'll see you t'morrow, Lucy. Goodnight then, I guess."

Hours and hours passed, but it seemed only minutes to Lucy.

Her friends came and left and their conversations generally went unnoticed by the patient in bed. It was as if she was in a daze, and before she knew it, in was two in the morning and the moon was shining brightly.

Lucy turned over and her stomach painfully churned, loudly begging to be fed.

"Get some sleep, Lucy," a voice said in her ear, concern lingering in the air following the words. Her eyes fluttered shut.

She didn't have the energy to keep this type of lifestyle up.

She thought it might be better to just disappear.

* * *

**A/N: **Any thoughts? Questions? Suggestions? Do you guys prefer I write longer chapters like this one or keep them a bit shorter? If you'd review, that'd be wonderful!

Just to let you all know so you don't think I'm just being silly, Lucy's paranoia is apart of her disorder!


	5. Scold Me

_"There are people who are generic. They make generic responses and they expect generic answers. They live inside a box and they think people who don't fit into their box are weird. But I'll tell you what, generic people are the weird people. They are like genetically-manipulated plants growing inside a laboratory, like indistinguishable faces, like droids. Like ignorance."  
― C. JoyBell C.  
_

* * *

**_Chapter Five_**

* * *

When you become used to not getting enough sleep, you forget the feeling of your eyes becoming heavy.

Lucy's eyes felt light, despite her mind screaming for rest.

She poked absentmindedly at the wheat pancakes drenched in syrup on her tray.

"If you don't eat your breakfast, I'm gonna eat it for ya," Natsu teased. He shoveled a spoon full of fruit into his mouth.

Much to her dismay, he and his friends had come over to her table. She protested and protested, but they sat down regardless of her commands. Levy, Gajeel, Natsu, and Erza came to her table. That left Juvia and Gray, as well as another patient with wavy brown hair and intimidating dark eyes.

"Why... why do I have to eat if Levy won't?"

All eyes shot to the blonde and she snapped her lips shut.

"What? Did you say something wrong?" Loki asked, tilting his head. He was standing behind Gajeel, who was across from Lucy.

Natsu raised his eyebrows, Gajeel narrowed his and Erza parted her lips. Lucy turned her face a tad so she was able to view Levy's expression. The petite girl was fidgeting, staring down into her lap, a frown edging its way to her lips.

"I.. I... um.." Levy stammered. The bluenette couldn't find―no, _didn't know_ the right words to say. She wasn't one to be completely open with her illness. Though, if someone were to simply glance at her, they'd be able to tell what was wrong.

"Just tell the skinny bitch to eat," Aquarius cut in, puffing out an irritated breath of air. Lucy began to bounce her knee and look to Loki for answers.

"Should I?" she asked him, and Gajeel glanced around.

"Should you what?"

"Let's not worry about this anymore, yeah?" Natsu suggested. He widened his eyes as if to say, "Let's just drop this matter right now before it gets out of hand."

Gajeel settled back into his chair. He looked over to watch Levy scratch her prominent collar bone. She then met his harsh eyes, a small smile pulling her lips for a split-second.

The ill girl had this effect on him that caused him to become tranquil. He didn't mind; he loved it, actually. Levy didn't know it, but her ability to be cordial was helping him greatly with his own recovery.

Gajeel just wished he had the same effect on her.

Instead, every other word out of his mouth was a curse. Every other feature was a glare, and every other reaction an outburst. He was sure that his existence and their friendship was a burden to her frail body and well-being.

Levy was just so altruistic and it made him want to scream at her to think about her _goddamn_ self for once. But maybe she actually was. You don't just become that thin because you've been thinking of others excessively, right?

He sighed.

Lucy bit her lip.

It has been a week for the blonde. Seven days since her father left her to suffer. One hundred and sixty-eight hours of being trapped underneath this roof.

She hasn't been taking the pills. No, there was no way she was swallowing them. Her friends warned her that if she took those pills, they'd never be able to see each other again. She couldn't risk it.

"My friends say you should eat mo-"

Gajeel slammed his fist on the table, causing the individuals seated around it to jump. Natsu smeared the grease from his sausage across his cheek.

"Damn this," Natsu muttered.

The boy with black hair yelled, "That's fucking enough!" The blonde flinched, face morphing from confusion and ignorance. She looked to Loki, chocolate orbs silently pleading for him to help her.

Loki merely shrugged his shoulders and adjusted his tie, stating, "Not my problem anymore. Sorry, Lucy."

"Gajeel, it's okay," Levy advised, voice just above a whisper. She stood up, grabbing her tray of food that hadn't been touched.

"Please thank your friends for worrying about me, Lucy." The girl then left to dump her food and exit the dining hall.

Gajeel scowled. "Now look what ya fuckin' did!"

Luckily, the bell rang before Gajeel had the opportunity to blow up any further. Natsu turned his lip up at the short-tempered teen and stood. He gently grabbed Lucy by her elbow.

"Let's go," he instructed. Without protest, Lucy stood up as well, bangs slipping in front of her eyes.

Regardless of the bell announcing their dismissal, Gajeel and Erza remained at the table. He was clenching his fists until his knuckles turned white. His nails carved shallow crescent moons into his palms.

"You better calm down, Gajeel," Erza warned him. "You don't want to make Levy worry again, do you?"

The male shot his menacing eyes in Erza's direction and ground his teeth. He has always had a problem with being able to control his anger.

"If she keeps talkin' like that about Lev, we're going to have problems," he said through his teeth.

Erza rested her chin in her palm, looking towards the boy. "You know what's wrong with Lucy, don't you? It's like she doesn't know better."

Gajeel took a deep breath.

"_No_ Erza, I don't know what's wrong with her. Just because she's messed up doesn't mean she can go disrespecting other patients."

The scarlet-haired teenager sighed, standing up from her chair. "Go see if Levy's okay, would you? I'm sure she wants you," she said as she walked off, holding her hand up in a silent goodbye.

"Yeah, and Erza?" he called after her.

"Hm?"

She twisted her neck so she could see him over her shoulder, and he held eye contact for a few long moments.

"I thought you stopped."

The female looked to the ground, then continued to walk towards the double doors.

"Me too."

It was kind of a ritualistic thing at this point. Gajeel would go to Levy's room any chance he'd get during their breaks to chat.

Sometimes, they'd talk about their progression. Other times, it was what they wanted to do after they were discharged. Levy spoke with such enthusiasm and hope, but Gajeel didn't see her leaving any time soon. She still refused to eat properly.

Her entire situation was just _frightening_. The patient found himself thinking of Levy's welfare more often than not. He cared for her, but he didn't expressed it the way a genuine friend would.

Gajeel wanted to show her how much he wanted her to become healthy but he didn't know how to approach her about it. She was sensitive about the subject, and if you tugged the wrong string, she'd completely shut down. He already knew that from experience.

While Gajeel knew to tread lightly, as did Levy.

Gajeel's anger rose to the surface all too quickly.

He's only lashed out at her once and she didn't think she'd ever forget it. It had to be one of the scariest things she'd ever experienced.

The way his voice rose and fists balled in ire terrified her half to death.

Gajeel told her stories about how much worse he used be when he was living at home with his pops. She couldn't even imagine (not that she'd _want _to) the sheer force of his fury when he'd go into an episode.

Levy's seen a few of his worse times, but that was when they hardly knew each other like they do now. Back then, she kept as much distance as she could manage. That is, well, until he admitted he thought she was cute, and that sparked their friendship.

It bemused her, because at thattime, she was walking the tightrope separating life and death.

How could anyone think she was _cute_?

Levy was laying on her bed with her knees tucked to her chest while she faced the wall. Gajeel entered her room. His conspicuous footsteps announced he was there, and the girl didn't need to look to know who it was.

"I've been thinking," she started, and Gajeel sat at the edge of her bed. He placed his hands in his lap and relaxed his shoulders, a quiet sigh blowing past his lips. "Will I ever get better?"

"You won't unless you try."

"I _have _been trying, Gajeel." Levy paused, voice growing softer. "It's just so difficult.. that sometimes, I don't even _want_ to get better." Her long-haired friend shot her a disapproving look; she saw it from the corner of her eye.

"That's not a good mindset to have," he mumbled. Levy's shoulders shook as she heaved out a single sarcastic chuckle.

"Tell me about it."

During art, Natsu's favorite spot was next to Lucy.

"I don't wanna sit next to you," Lucy said, sliding her stool away from Natsu's.

"Well why not?" He pouted, puffing his cheeks out long enough so Lucy caught sight of him, and she rolled her eyes.

"My friends don't like you too much. They tell me not to talk to you," she explained.

"So if your _friends _told you to jump off the roof, would you do it?"

The amount of time it took for Lucy to answer made Natsu's heart plummet.

"Hmmm.. depends," she sighed.

He raised his eyebrows. "On _what_?"

She tilted her head to the side as she continued to sketch in the background of her painting.

"Well, it's a pretty high jump, you know? But if they believed I could do it, then I probably would."

_How scary_, Natsu thought.

He couldn't see Lucy's friends. He couldn't understand her situation. He respected her regardless of her inability to rationalize and decipher fantasy from reality.

"Lucy.. if they put you in danger... I don't think they're very nice friends."

"Loki doesn't think you're a very nice friend," she countered.

"Why not?" he asked, his brows raised in curiosity. He wondered how much influence her 'friends' had on her actual decisions and opinions.

"Because you're a psycho and psychos don't have that capability."

Her words were like a jagged knife cutting through his heart. _Psycho_. The one word no one in this institution wanted to be called, ever.

Natsu's once playful expression vanished and he clenched his teeth. He stood up and grabbed his supplies, beginning to walk away from the girl. He turned his head back and warned, "You should really watch what you say unless you want everyone to hate you."

The female didn't lift her head or acknowledge his departure. She could, however, feel a crack form in her fortitude.

She didn't mean to be offensive. Lucy was just going off of what her friend's opinion was. Loki was never wrong.

Lucy didn't go to lunch when the time came. Natsu didn't come to persuade her, and she couldn't help but stare helplessly at her closed door.

Her stomach growled intensely, acting as if it were a lion snarling. She lost weight, she could tell but... oh well. Aquarius complimented her so Lucy didn't see anything wrong with losing a few pounds.

In the dining hall, Levy placed her tray down on the table and pulled out a chair between Gajeel and Juvia. Gajeel sent her a knowing stare, and she breathed out a greeting.

He leaned over and whispered, "You good?"

Levy sat her chin in her palm and tilted her head so her brown eyes met his. "Yeah, I'm okay," she said, showing off a small smile. "It's not like she knows anyway, right?"

"Still," Gajeel groaned.

Levy anxiously ran her tongue along the back of her bottom teeth and stared down into her veggie wrap. It looked tasty but it made Levy's stomach clench in denial. There was no way she'd be able to eat that.

"Juvia believes in you," she heard, and Levy looked to the girl beside her. Juvia's brightness radiated, and she continued on to say, "You don't have to eat all of it. Just a little slice is enough. You can do it."

Levy nodded her head once, her heart fluttering uncomfortably. She felt like she was going to throw up.

Levy tore a piece away from the whole and moved it to her lips. _I need to get better I need to get better I **need** to get better._

Her counselor told her to not think about it. That way, her mind wouldn't wander and give her reasons not to chew, swallow, and digest that food. But that was the hardest part. How many calories was it? How much weight would she put on if she ate her entire lunch? What if she ate this tiny little thing, and became bloated because of it? Where would the fat go? To her thighs? Her waist? She couldn't afford that ― none of it.

"Just eat that tiny bit, Lev," Gajeel said sweetly in her ear. He began to rub the small of her back.

Her haggard features crinkled after she popped the food into her mouth. She quickly chewed and her body trembled as goosebumps ran across her skin. She tried her best not to think about the taste, but such a thing was no use. The mashed food journeyed down her throat painfully and it settled in the pit of her stomach. Her hands shook slightly.

"Juvia's proud of you," Juvia said, beaming with delight. The petite girl took a deep breath and pushed her tray away from herself.

"You'll beat anorexia, promise, P- ah, Levy," Gajeel whispered softly. Levy stared down into her lap, a forced smile touching her cheeks.

"Thanks, Gajeel."

He used to call her Pip and Short Stack, or even Tiny, but she didn't take a liking to those nicknames. She had snapped and yelled at him with loathing. She'd said that it reminded her too much of how fucked up her body was. He didn't call her by anything but her name anymore.

"So, Cana," Natsu began, and Levy shot her head up in time to witness her good friend sitting down at their table. "Why weren't you here yesterday?"

Cana flipped her hair behind her shoulder and rested her cheek on her crossed arms that relaxed on the table. "I was feelin' pretty shitty so I had a friend do me a favor."

Everyone knew what that favor was. Somehow, someway―Levy didn't fancy to know―Cana received alcohol from an outside source. How that was possible? No patient had a clue.

This place was pretty guarded and secure, and _that_, Levy knew from experience.

Bacchus Groh, Cana's boyfriend, visited often, so it could be his doing.

_Later_

Lucy walked down to Counselor Meredy's office, entered, and sat in front of her desk. The room smelled of pine.

"Hi Lucy. How are you doing today?" Meredy straightened her back and dragged a bang behind her ear.

"Okay," Lucy answered, staring to the side of her. She was looking at Aries as the timid girl apologized over and over.

"Stop saying you're sorry," Lucy chuckled, shaking her head. "There's nothing for you to be sorry _about_."

The social worker watched Lucy and jotted down notes she'd review at a later time.

"Who's there, Lucy?"

"_No_, Aries, I told you to stop apologizing."

"Lucy? Who are you talking to?" the woman pressed louder.

Lucy conversed with hallucinations nearly every time they had a session. Each conversation was on different levels of intelligence and sense.

The blonde seemed to pause her discussion, so Meredy inquired, "When was the last time you've taken a shower, dear?"

Lucy responded with, "Last ...week, yeah, last week."

The woman cringed. "Oh, Lucy, no! You need to take a shower daily!"

"You'll be taking one later tonight, okay Lucy? I'll make sure there's a nurse there so that you can shave too." She paused. "You can do that, can't you?"

The blonde nodded her head in response.

Counselor Ultear walked into Group Therapy with a perky smile.

"Good afternoon everyone," the woman greeted as she sat down in her chair.

"Good afternoon," a few of the patients replied. Others continued to idly chat with their friends.

"We're starting, okay. Listen up."

The room quieted down. "Today, we're going to go around and say one thing that we're feeling bothered by. You can't just say nothing; you have to admit at least _something_."

Lucy rolled her eyes.

"Okay everyone? Sound good?" Ultear scanned the group of teens to see a few nods and a not-so-discreet scowl from Gajeel.

Cana began first. "I'm bothered by the bitches here who don't know how to let a girl sleep."

The brunette was rewarded with a few chuckles and a nudge from Gajeel. He was next.

"I have a problem with some people that don't know how to be fuckin' respectful." He sent a long glare over to Lucy, who didn't bother to pay attention.

Ultear made a note of this.

Natsu was next.

"We should get bigger portions," he said, and Gajeel nodded in agreement.

Then was Gray. He mumbled, "That I can't take my shirt off."

The counselor heard him loud and clear. She shook her head.

Juvia was next.

"I'm bothered by the amount of freedom we do not have."

Levy. "The portions are too big," she said, timorously, afraid of the potential looks that may be shot her way. None were.

Lucy.

. . .

"Lucy, it's your turn."

"What?" Lucy asked.

Ultear tapped the tip of her pen against her thigh. "Please share with us one thing your bothered by."

"Bothered by... bothered by.." the blonde murmured, pursing her lips and staring to the ground. "I'd guess.. it'd be.. the time we have to be awake too."

Last was Erza.

"Mmm.." the redhead hummed. "Probably the lack of sweets in this place, I'd say."

Lucy's consciousness came to an end shortly after when she leaned her elbow on her thigh and her cheek on her fist. Natsu woke her up when the bell rang.

Showering.

Showers weren't Erza's favorite. She didn't take an immense amount of pleasure from the warm, soothing water like most females did. She didn't like the way the temperature made her scars rise and adjust color. Most of all, she didn't like being bare and open to whatever eyes decided to trail her body, even her own.

Erza wasn't in the least bit proud of the markings on her skin, but she was unusually satisfied with them.

She couldn't stop, even with the incredible amount of counseling she went through. It just wasn't going to happen. She had too many pent-up emotions and frustrations to stop taking sharp objects to her skin. It was her release.

The female patient was walking through the bathroom, towel dangling around her neck. The dragged the pads of her fingers across the scars that littered her wrist.

She's been in treatment for two months at most. It was two months of taking antidepressants and other pills, numbing her to the core. She felt like she was a walking corpse.

Those pills still didn't make her thoughts about committing suicide any less frequent.

Lucy came into the restroom with a nurse. Luckily, it was after hot water was pouring onto Erza's pale skin when she was behind closed doors.

* * *

**A/N: **Wow! I can't believe I've written _so much _in just a few days. I've just had so much inspiration that I couldn't put down my laptop. Also, my ideas have just been pouring out of me lately, so that's an added bonus to all of this.


	6. Find Me

_"Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself."  
__― J.K. Rowling_

* * *

**_Chapter Six_**

* * *

Lucy's been sitting alone. She ate alone, she painted alone, and she ran alone. She was used to the isolation. The kids back at school hardly talked to her, but she could hear their whispers. The patients here didn't whisper. They didn't send glares or quick glances in her direction. They simply acted as if she didn't exist.

Maybe... they were correct about that, though. The beating in her chest reminded her that blood and oxygen was pumping through her body. However, the state of her _mind_ being alive read a completely different scenario.

The days went on as they commonly would, but she was losing her appetite and drive to get through them. Though, it was already pretty minimal. It was like someone cut a hole into her body, placed a spout in its place, and was draining her energy.

_Loneliness_.. the word that was all too familiar with the blonde. It was a noun: sadness because one has no friends or company. Despite Taurus and Scorpio and the others' company, she almost _missed_ contact the other patients. Lucy appreciated the gentle, kind words her friends shared, but they were almost incomprehensible. It was like they were too far away, too far out of reach for her to wrap her sense around and drag them into her heart. It was like they were so dull that only on a clear night she'd be able to understand their true meaning. Those days were painfully seldom.

But lately.. Lately, their words haven't been so endearing. It was scaring her: the things they whispered convincingly into her ears. Their shared thoughts had a thick layer of biting ice spreading across her skin.

Lucy was listening to them. A reality she never knew was brought to her on a silver platter. Her friends spoke about the patients, warning her, pleading with her to be cautious.

That ice was _protecting _her.

_From what, exactly? _

They wouldn't say.

Lucy didn't tell her counselor the things that had been circulating throughout her head.

It was only until Natsu saw the blonde on the edge of the roof that he realized exactly how corrupting those voices were.

At first, when something high above him caught his attention, he thought it was a bird, so he glanced up. But, birds didn't have hair that whipped around in the wind or wear sweatpants or.. have arms for that plain matter. He took a double take, this time, focusing his eyes on the person high above. It was Lucy.

Natsu stopped in the middle of an intense soccer game.

"Lucy," he whispered breathlessly, mouth hanging open and obsidian eyes wide. Was this really happening? Was she going to jump?

_No!_

She was so high up and there was nothing but asphalt and earth that would crack her skull or break her neck or shatter her spine or―!

Her foot slipped. His heart leaped into his throat and hammered against the side.

"Lucy!" he croaked, stepping forward, reaching out his hand as if he held the strength to balance the world in his palm. Her fingers were laced between the fence behind her, so, roughly, she jerked forward.

Natsu's temples were throbbing with panic. He swallowed thickly, almost as if he was trying to consume an entire bottle of glue.

He caught the attention of Erza and Gajeel.

"What are you doing?" Erza called, and then, she followed his gaze upwards. Her heart assumed its job was to be paused and her lips split apart.

Natsu faltered, "We.. we.."

He was so scared in that moment, he was petrified. If she were to jump.. if she.. she'd land..

"Coach Dreyar!" Erza called hurriedly, causing all eyes to snap over to her. She'd rather be damned to the grasp of Satan himself than to let _anything_ happen to a hair on that girl's head.

Admittedly, at that same moment, Erza _loathed_ Lucy for being in that position. She was free to make any decision she wanted to.

Live or die, it was her choice.

"They look so small, don't they Princess?"

Virgo perched herself on the tall fence. Lucy looked down, watching as heads began to turn up in her direction.

"I'm sorry! They'll be up here soon!" Aries added, standing on the opposite side of the wire netting, clutching her hand above her breast.

"Make sure you keep balance," Libra reminded, sitting on the edge of the roof, holding weight scales before herself.

Lucy's eyes watched each patient as they ran inside, followed by the two older men. Natsu stayed behind, and she could see the distress in his stare. She smiled, strangely pleased.

Then, he yelled, "Lucy! Stay right there! Don't move!" and dashed inside.

"Maybe you'll lose your balance before they reach you," Libra said. She lifted her right hand to inspect the scale that was dangling from her fingers. Her long green skirt flowed in the breeze and brushed against Lucy's bare feet.

"Maybe," she replied as she swung her right leg forward and back. The view from the rooftop was calming, excluding the parking lot to her left.

"We shouldn't have come up here! I'm sorry!"

A single chuckle shook Lucy's shoulders.

"It's okay, Aries. Look! Pyxis is having so much fun."

She watched as the cheerful bird flew against the wind, though struggling. Even with the comical event taking place in the sky, Lucy felt confused. It was a depressing feeling that weighed on her eyelids and slumped her shoulders. It made her want to loosen the grip she had on the fence.

She heard her name being yelled, but not by the echoing voices of her friends. It was vehement, masculine, and frantic.

"Lucy!"

She and Virgo, Aries, and Libra turned their heads in the direction from which the sound came. Virgo sighed.

"It's him again, Princess. You may want to get as far away from him as possible."

Lucy turned back around.

As Natsu drew closer, his nerves pricked more intensely with uneasiness. How did Lucy even manage to get up here? The door was always locked, Laxus told him. Even _Natsu_ didn't know there was a way to get up here, and he's been institutionalized for quite some time now.

What frightened him the most was the thought of her speaking with any of the patients on the third floor.

"Stay back," Natsu warned, turning to look at the group behind him. "You're going to scare her if you all approach her. Let me handle it."

Levy's brows furrowed. "No, Natsu.. Are you sure? We should get one of the counselors up here and-"

"_No_. You and I both know that Lucy won't listen to Meredy!"

Laxus took a step forward. "Natsu, we need to get her counselor up here before we do anything," he said, but Erza spoke up as well.

"_Coach_, Natsu is the only one Lucy seems to pay attention to. Anyone else she ignores."

Natsu knew that. He knew that she's been following him around like a lost puppy since they've become acquaintances. He guessed it was his own fault for allowing that to happen. Right now, it was an encumbrance. If he were to screw up, and she ended up―

He turned to Lucy and shook his head, desperately wanting to clear his pessimistic thoughts. He wasn't going to allow anything like that to happen.

When he reached her, she was speaking.

"Well then what do you want me to do?" she wondered, her attention to the left, looking down to the spot next to her.

"But if that happens, Father won't be able to see me anymore," she continued, and then paused. "I guess not."

"Lucy?" he called out cautiously, and she moved her eyes in his direction.

"Hi Natsu."

He stayed a few feet away from where she stood and rubbed the side of his neck. "Hey," he began hesitantly, "are you.. okay?"

She returned her gaze straight ahead and sighed. "I'm fine. Something the matter?"

The boy took another step forward, watching her. "Well... I'm worried about you."

"He's annoying, Lucy."

"He really is, I'm sorry!"

"He's going to knock you off balance."

"Just get rid of him already."

"Jump."

The noise.. the noise.. was _too _much! She released her hold from the fence and clamped her hands over her ears, shaking her head.

"I need it to stop, please, just for a second," she whimpered, and Aries latched her fingers onto the fence.

"I'm sorry, Princess! I am!"

"Hey, Lucy listen to me, okay?" Natsu pleaded. Lucy pressed harder down onto her ears, attempting to muffle the sounds. "Can you climb back over the fence?"

She shook her head.

"_Don't_," Virgo said, voice hard.

He needed to try harder. "Luce, come on now. Don't you care about me?" His voice broke past her fingers and the whistling of the breeze.

"Your balance, Lucy. Think about your _balance_."

Lucy nodded. "I do."

"You don't want to see me sad, right?"

Natsu would have felt shitty about using her feelings against her if she wasn't a step away from death.

Lucy shook her head. "I don't."

"Who are you fooling, Princess? You _asked _for all of this."

"Then I need you to climb back over the fence, and we can sit together at dinner later, okay? I'm sorry I haven't sat with you lately. You know, I might even snag you a chocolate bar from the kitchen if I get a chance. Does that sound good?"

"Don't listen Princess," Virgo forewarned, the chains around her wrists clacking against the wire. "He'll hurt you."

Tears clouded Lucy's vision. Bile rose in her throat.

"He's going to _burn_ you. Anything he interacts with gets burned. He'll turn you to _ash_."

Her breathing quickened, and the voices bombarded her with so much force she thought they might burst her eardrums.

Lucy felt like she was going to throw up. The internal war she was in the midst of was unlike anything she's ever dealt with. Her heart was beating too fast for comfort, the whispers became too jumbled and disoriented for her to comprehend, and her lungs demanded for air that could not be found. She was _terrified_.

"Natsu!" she screeched, shaking her head and squeezing her eyes shut. "Make it stop! Make_ them stop_!"

Natsu cursed under his breath and walked up to the fence. "Hey, hey, focus on me," he whispered gently, slowly snaking his hands through the fence. "Is it okay if I touch you?" he asked, vigilant, and she exhaled a loud, shaky breath.

"Please, please," she begged. "Just make them stop."

Natsu was so, _so_ thankful that the holes in the wiring were large enough to fit a majority of his arms through. He wrapped his hands around Lucy's waist, and brought her tightly against the fence.

"Have your friends been telling you to jump?" A nod. "Do you want to listen to them, or me?"

A gust of wind forced their hair to fly to the side, and Natsu almost missed her answer.

"Okay," he breathed. "Can you climb back over the fence?"

While the duo were interacting, Meredy came bursting through the door to the roof.

"What's going on?!" she demanded, walking quickly towards Lucy and Natsu. Laxus grabbed her arm though, holding her back.

"Don't. You could make things worse."

She appeared taken back at the man's statement and furrowed her brows as if she'd been slapped.

"_Worse_? Are _you_ unstable, Coach? That girl is having a _severe_ **psychotic** episode, and needs someone other than another patient with her!"

The counselor shut her mouth once Lucy began to climb over the structure.

Once Meredy returned to her office, she requested Erza's presence.

"Do you know if Lucy Heartfilia has been taking her medication?"

"She hasn't been."

Erza stared into her lap as Meredy questioned her.

"How do you know this?"

"...I've watched her flush the pills every day."

"And why did you not stop or report her?"

"I... I wasn't going to dig my nose into someone else's business, ma'am."

"This entire scene could have been completely avoided. You've obstructed the recovering of one of my patients, and I don't take that fact lightly."

The patient closed her eyes and released a shaky breath. "I know.. I'm sorry."

After Lucy had climbed off of the fence, the first thing she did was burst into tears. Natsu had wrapped his arms around her and she had cried into his chest. Her sobs had eventually turned into hysterical laughter but he calmed her down through hushed warm promises. They defended her sanity against her friends' overwhelming force.

Now, the blonde was sleeping in Natsu's bed, while the remaining teens crowded around the doorway.

"Shh!" Natsu warned, nodding over to the body resting beneath his sheets.

"Is she okay?" Levy asked sheepishly, peering around the wood and eyeing the girl.

Natsu shrugged, floundering for an accurate response. "I guess so.. She's just... really shaken up."

Gajeel crossed his arms over his chest, huffing. "Erza shoulda fuckin' said something about Lucy not takin' those pills."

Cana slurred, "Well wh'attaya g'na do?"

"I thought her '_friends_' were super nice and shit? Why all a sudden is she freakin' out?" Gajeel wondered, watching Lucy's face twitch in her sleep.

"Jeez. How am _I_ supposed to know?" Natsu sighed, running a hand through his pink locks. "I know as much about her disorder as you do."

Gajeel raised an eyebrow. "_You're_ the one who's closest to 'er. Maybe she told you somethin', I don't know."

"_Told_ me something? She hasn't told me _anythi_―"

"You should let her get some rest, guys. I'm sure Lucy won't want to wake up to a bunch of rambling teenagers," Erza said. She approached her friends with the urge to cut coursing through her veins. This whole situation was simply too much for her to handle.

"Well. Then Juvia is going to go take a shower." Said girl began walking in the opposite direction of the others with a dismissive wave. Levy and Gajeel decided to go to the arcade room, which was located next to the art room. Cana headed off to her room to sleep off her dizziness. That left Erza, Natsu, and Gray standing in the doorway.

Gray whispered, "Didn't she say she was talkin' to one of the guys in Special Containment?"

Natsu nodded his head, his heart journeying into the depths of his stomach.

"Fuck, really? ...Do you think it was Rogue?"

Lucy stirred in her sleep, and Natsu observed her for second.

"Probably. I mean.. who else is as manipulating as he is?" Natsu paused. "It doesn't help that she can't fuckin' determine right from wrong either."

"But how did she get the door _open_?" Erza cut in, frowning and crossing her arms. "That door was locked."

The following day came leisurely.

"Can you tell me what Virgo said to you?"

No response.

"How did you get the door open?"

No response.

"Why haven't you been taking your medication?"

Again, no response. Meredy sighed. "You know, Lucy, it looks like you've lost some weight. Have you been eating well?"

No response.

The woman rubbed her chin in between her index finger and thumb, watching Lucy stare up to the ceiling.

There was so much Meredy needed to find out, but the information was restricted due to Lucy's noncooperation. Meredy needed to know what ultimately triggered her development of schizophrenia. Were Lucy's friends actually foes? What else did Lucy's mind conjure up?

It was frustrating to not be able to converse normally with a patient. But, despite that fact, Meredy was going to persevere. She was going to help this child regardless of how excruciatingly hard the task may be.

Meredy sighed, resigned. She was a woman of patience, after all.

* * *

**A/N: **I know most of you are eager to figure out just exactly what the other characters are dealing with, but please, be tolerant for a little while longer. I promise, all will be explained soon!


	7. See Me

_"There is something I have learned since being paralyzed, and that is that in the absence of sensory information, the imagination always tends to the grotesque."  
― Patrick McGrath  
_

* * *

**_Chapter Seven_**

* * *

"So, Natsu, you said you were frightened, correct?" Counselor Alzack pursed his lips, looking up from his pad of paper. Natsu nodded his head in response, frowning into his lap.

"Mhm. I was really... afraid she was going to jump." Natsu sighed, his memories from the day before playing a sadistic tune.

"Have you come to like Lucy? Do you consider her a friend?"

_Did_ he consider her a friend? Or was she just someone to look after? No, he didn't think that. He enjoyed spending time with her when she wasn't being rude.

He wanted to protect her, to shield her from the harrowing voices that threatened to steal her life.

"Yeah. I like her. I mean, sometimes she says some stupid shit, but I still like her."

"Oh, I see. I haven't met her yet. She seems like a nice girl."

"She is."

"So, another thing I've been meaning to ask. How has your medication been working? How are you feeling?"

Natsu fought against himself to not roll his eyes and scoff. "It's going good," he lied, a convincing smile pulling at his mouth.

How could he be 'good'? Natsu was too fucked up to even consider himself '_okay_'. How could a mere seventeen-year-old carry the burden he has to carry, and still be able to function like a normal teenager?

He wasn't going to let Alzack know that just yet.

"The medication has been working fine," Natsu continued.

They work for a little while but not long enough to keep his desires at bay.

Natsu loved the warmth of a fire. He was captivated by the way fire licked the air, breathing in the oxygen, feeding greedily. He was fond of the trail of smoke that slipped from the flame's wispy grasp. Natsu sometimes felt pleasure from the way the heat sucked up the moisture in his skin.

"We have some time left so how about we talk about the incident, if that's okay with you."

"Ask whatever you want, Couns."

"How do you feel about what happened?"

The boy slid down so his head lolled against the back of his chair. "Ahh, this again."

"Don't you think talking about how you feel will not only lift a load off your chest, but help with your recovery?"

Maybe he didn't want to recover. Maybe Natsu _liked_ setting things on fire and burning his skin. It made him feel calm.

"I guess," he answered. "But I don't want to talk about it." Natsu looked to his counselor through half-lidded, bored eyes. "So are we done here? I wanna get back to Lucy."

Nurse Lisanna now had to do a more thorough check of Lucy's mouth to make sure she swallowed her pills.

"Good, thank you Lucy.. How do you feel?" the nurse asked, stepping away from said girl.

"Fine," Lucy answered simply.

"Have a good day," Lisanna said, smiling as if dealing with Lucy wasn't a burden. Lucy could see it in the woman's eyes.

"You are such a _hindrance_," Aquarius spat once the room's door closed.

"Don't listen to Aquarius, Princess."

The familiar pounding in Lucy's brain hammered away at the sides of her skull and she downcast her eyes. These horrid headaches only began recently, but with each occurrence, she grew more disoriented. They got so bad to the point where she feigned fatigue and requested to remain in her room for the day.

Weren't these pills supposed to be 'helping' her instead of making her feel worse?

Lucy walked past Aquarius and Loki, crawled under her sheets, moving her focus to the wall. She concentrated on the harsh thump in her forehead and relaxed her eyes. She wanted to sleep, but no matter how much she implored darkness to replace the light, it wouldn't. Plus, her friends seemed to be a little _too_ chatty today.

"I thought we told you not to take those pills."

"She's right, Lucy. Why are you continuously disobeying us?"

"If you're not with us anymore, who's going to distribute punishment?"

"Those pills will make us disappear."

"That medication is so poisonous, I'm sorry!"

"Your disobedience isn't attractive."

Tears scurried away from Lucy's eyes, falling silently onto the pillow beneath her head. "Please leave me alone!" she yelled. "It's not my fault!"

"Maybe you should go talk to the boy on the third floor again?"

"Rogue is so smart."

"He knows all the right answers."

"You had the perfect opportunity to lose your balance, but you blew it."

"You should've jumped."

"Lu-" Natsu recoiled his hand from knocking at her door once he heard Lucy yelling. "Lucy?"

She was sobbing now. Why was she sobbing?

"I'm.. I'm coming in!"

Natsu walked into Lucy's room to find her in fetal position, sheets wrapped tightly around her body, hands covering her ears. She rocked herself as she bawled.

"Hey..!" he exclaimed, dashing over to sit at her bed and cautiously touch her waist. "Lucy, hey, what's wrong?"

Lucy immediately looked to him, her brows furrowed deeply. Heavy tears washed down the blonde's cheeks and her lip quivered. "Na-tsu-u..!" she whimpered, sitting up to clutch onto his shirt.

His eyes widened at the sudden contact. Nonetheless, he wrapped his arms tightly around her, squeezing her to himself.

"Wh-y are they.. they s-o _mean_?!" she cried, and Natsu could tell she was biting her lip to contain her sobs. "I don't u-understand!"

Natsu ran his hand down her hair and hushed her. "What are they telling you?" he gently asked, resting his cheek against her ear. Lucy sniffled, balling a fist against his back.

"Don't tell him.."

"He won't care.. I'm sorry."

"_No one_ will care.."

"Not even Meredy!"

"Don't you dare explain, Princess."

"I.. don't want to.. talk about it." The vibrations of her strained voice sounded against his flesh, and he closed his eyes.

"I understand, but are you going to listen to them? Whatever it is?"

She didn't answer.

Later, at lunch, the usual drama unfolded.

"Juvia, could you please sit somewhere else?" Gray requested, eyeing the girl through the corners of his eyes. She crossed her arms over the table, watching as Gajeel shoveled of beans into his mouth.

"Why, Gray?" she inquired, turning her head so she could view him. He sighed.

"Because I don't want to sit next to you," he bluntly stated, and Juvia frowned, but nodded her head and stood up.

"But that's not a good reason-"

"It's as good as any. Please move."

"Fine. You'll come along eventually, I'm sure. Levy, could you switch spots with me?"

The feeble female agreed, slid her tray over to Juvia's former spot, and exchanged seats.

Levy leaned over to Gray. "You know she doesn't mean any harm, right? You really don't have to be so rude to her.." she whispered.

"I know, I know.. It's just creepy being around her sometimes."

Juvia set her chin in her palm and rested her fingers against her ear. Did they think she couldn't hear them? Sure, the dining hall was loud, but that didn't mean she was deaf or couldn't read lips.

Was she creepy? Was she really that unpleasant to be around? Who was he to talk, though? He was the one who was always declaring his love for her by the way his eyes meet hers and―

"Juv," Gajeel called. Her once closed eyes slowly opened to meet his piercing vermilion irises.

"What?" she breathed, lazily looking to him.

"Don't think about it too much."

She placed her forehead on the table and nodded.

Lucy was watching with curiosity, ignoring the whispers of her friends beside her ears. She wanted to find out what disorder everyone had but didn't know exactly how to approach them. Maybe she could ask Natsu...

What a weird thing. She didn't even understand her own, whatever it was.

"Hey," she whispered, nudging the patient next to her. Natsu was about to take a bite of his cheeseburger but brought it away from his mouth and raised his eyebrows. "Could I talk to you.. after lunch?"

"Should I come to your room during break?"

"Sure."

When the bell rang, Natsu stayed behind. He said was going to be a little late because he needed to talk to one of the lunch men, Macao, but as for why? He didn't specify.

Maybe he'd get her the cookie he promise.

When the fire alarm went off, though, she had a feeling that he'd lied.

This type of thing happened quite often at Natsu's home, that is, when he had one. The scent of the smoke that invaded his lungs, the alarm ringing, the sirens sounding in the distance, the dashing of the men in uniform. His coughs. The pounding in his chest. The disquiet that swallowed him.

It was all a rush, a type of feeling that he welcomed―invited, even. He could never get enough. He didn't want to.

When reality set in and he climbed down from his high, it felt as if a ton of iron was being compressed against his chest. The back of his throat and the corners of his eyes burned, and more often than not, parts of his skin were throbbing.

Sometimes even, he wouldn't remember what happened. Sometimes he'd wake up on the ground or in an ambulance or the hospital. He'd be surrounded by individuals he didn't recognize, calling his name, placing cold things on his body. Sometimes, his vision would take much longer than normal to focus, whether it be to look up at grey cloud or blinding lights.

This time, when he looked up, Natsu thought he was in a dream. A spacey blonde hovered above him, cold tears splashing down onto his cheeks. Her lips were moving, she was talking, but he couldn't hear her. His ears were ringing and blocked out any other sound from disturbing his ears.

His arm, his hip, his thigh―they hurt. His heartbeat was slow; his lungs ached with every breath he took. He could feel her hands on his chest and the way her fingers curled against his shirt. He wanted to lift his hand and cup her cheek, so she'd just stop those damn waterworks, but his arm was immobile. He wanted to move it, to at least twitch his joints, but they wouldn't budge. He didn't know why, and before panic could set in, his consciousness was stolen.

Natsu was asleep in the hospital for three days. On the fifth, he was allowed to return to Fairy Institution. His memories were hazy, so he was informed of his actions after his return.

He had caused an explosion within the kitchen's oven, which led to the second degree burn on his hip. Lucy hadn't gotten far from the dining hall before she heard a loud crash and a scream. She dashed back into the dining hall after the ear-splitting alarm went off. There had been smoke trailing out from the kitchen and realization hit Lucy like a bus.

_Natsu was in there._

Since it was so cloudy, it took Lucy a few agonizing minutes of watery eyes and a foreboding thump in her chest to find Natsu laying on the ground. His clothes were ripped and features painted blank, and for such a situation, it looked as if he were in bliss.

Now, he sat at the end of Lucy's bed, hands placed in his lap. Lucy sat her back against the wall, legs cradled to her chest and face buried in her knees.

"I was so scared," she said, eyes closed. "I was so scared." Just the thought of Natsu being trapped in the flames he held dearest made her stomach knot up. She could lose him that way.

The duo were silent for a while, the only sound in Lucy's room coming from Natsu's ragged breathing.

"Will you.. tell me why you were admitted, Natsu?"

"..I'll only tell you if you listen."

* * *

**A/N: **Hello! I doubt I'm going to be able to get another update in before Christmas, so, Happy Holidays guys!

How was this chapter? Leave me your thoughts! Thank you!


	8. Seek Me

_"I have heard that we are spirits having a human experience. Perhaps those of us who have no conscience are dark spirits having a human experience."  
― P.A. Speers_

* * *

**_Chapter Eight _**

* * *

Natsu didn't always have an impulse disorder. It started off with his fixation for dragons, the fire-breathing ones, but as he got older, something changed. Something inside of him snapped like an irritated cat being pet too hard.

He'd occasionally get the urge to run his fingers over the coarse texture of charcoal or hover his palm above the stove flame. He didn't understand it at first, but he'd satisfy his urges anyway. Gradually, it grew into more of an obsession, something he just _had_ to do, actions he just _had_ to perform. It didn't matter that his parents scolded him, or the consequences. It didn't matter that more and more scars were forming on his body due to his carelessness. It wasn't important. _Nothing_ else was important.

"It's always the worst in winter, you know, that is, my disorder. I don't know why, honestly.. It just.. always was." Natsu laughed sarcastically. "If you couldn't tell already, I'm a pyromaniac. Probably the biggest one in this town, if not the only one."

"It's funny.. I haven't even talked about this with my counselor. There's.." He paused, searching for words. "You're different, Lucy. I like that about you."

Lucy sighed, quiet enough so that Natsu couldn't hear.

_Different.._

His heart was pounding nervously within his chest, which was unusual. He's never felt this way before while talking about his disorder, so why, why with _her_? _Lucy_ of all people? With anyone else―the other patients―he'd feel angry. Angry at himself, for breaking apart his family. For the accident that was his fault.

Natsu was afraid of telling her. He was afraid of her judgement. He was hesitant to expose his vulnerability. He didn't want to lose her, and he'd avoid anything which caused him to do so. But this.. Would telling her what happened, would confessing his sin cause her to reject him? He didn't know. He didn't know what was behind that forehead of hers, what laid within her thoughts. Maybe she already disliked him? Who could say? If getting over this hurdle would deepen their bond, then he'd be damned not to try his hardest to jump it.

The teenager swallowed the lump in his throat, rubbing his palms together. When did they get so sweaty? It wasn't like he was explaining to the officer what happened.. or..

"I.. I.. uh, I burned my house down six months ago."

Lucy's eyes widened as his words registered. "You.. did?" she asked in hesitant awe, a place within the back of her mind not wanting to believe, but knowing he was capable.

"Yeah." Before Lucy had the chance to speak, he continued. "It broke apart my family in the end. They got divorced and I was sent here."

A shiver shook the pinkette's frame and he swallowed again. "I um, I had a cat. His name was Happy, and he.. he was so great. A little mischievous, but still great. We had him for five years before that night. He ran away once the house caught on fire, and never came back. He's probably dead by now. Probably got ran over or starved to death or something."

_Don't say such a sad thing_, Lucy thought.

"My dad got custody of me, and my mom.. well, I'm not sure where she went." Natsu brushed his bangs from his eyes and moved his back to the wall, legs stretched out before him. Lucy kept her head against her arms.

"My dad stopped talking to me after a while.. after we got an apartment and everything. Then, out of the blue, he told me to pack my shit 'cause I was goin' to a mental hospital and now here I am... Five months later and I'm still as impulsive as ever."

Natsu's father reminded Lucy of her own.

"_Cheh_.. I still can't believe I caused an explosion in the kitchen.." he mused.

Recalling the events of that night caused a tightness to form in Natsu's stomach. The flames _he _created briefly trapped his mother in her bedroom. The flames _he _created bit away at the woodwork of his house, causing it to crumble down into a heap of bittersweet memories and painful regret. The flames _he _created tore apart his parents' relationship.

It was all _his fault_. He deserved the isolation. He deserved the looks of.. _fear_ from his neighbors, from the other patients that knew of his actions.

"But it was an accident, right?" Lucy picked up her head and rested it against the wall, quickly stealing a glance in his direction.

"Yeah," he answered.

"It was an accident so.. anything after that wasn't your fault." Lucy raised her head. "I mean, it was _their_ decision to treat you the way they did, you know?"

Virgo appeared between Lucy's legs, crouched on the floor, chin resting on the bed. "It _was_ Natsu's fault. The fire didn't just create _itself_. What are you talking about, Princess?"

Lucy ignored her and continued, turning to Natsu.

"I can.. I can tell you blame yourself, it's obvious. But I don't. I don't blame you, if it means anything. You can't control your impulses."

He kept his eyes fixated on his feet. Who knew Lucy could say such comforting words?

She didn't blame him. She didn't think it was his fault. But it was. Everything was. He was the reason, his disorder was the reason for others' suffering and worry.

"Lucy, I don't think you understand," he said next. "It _is _my fault. If I had learned to control it then.."

Suddenly, his anger was boiling. The disappointment that submerged itself beneath Natsu's skin once again made its way to the surface. This happened when he thought too much, contemplated what he could have done differently.. how he could have mended things between his parents before it got too out of hand.

Natsu squeezed the bridge of his nose, clenching his teeth.

"No, Natsu," Lucy urged. "It's not your fault, I don't.."

He shook his head, scowling.

"I just said you didn't fucking understand, _Lucy_." He stood up, remaining at the edge of the bed, and the blonde furrowed her brows. "You could never understand what that was like, what _this_ is like! Always having this _urge _to burn something! It's horrible! _I'm_ horrible!"

The girl was recoiling at this point, the pinkette's yelling catching her off guard. "Natsu, I-"

Natsu turned on his heel and walked out of Lucy's room, slamming her door shut behind.

"Did I.. do something.. wrong?" She stared into her lap, at her palms, as if the true answer could be found there. "Am I too _different_.. for people to like me? Even when I try to help I... I seem to only end up making things worse. Is that all I'm good for?"

"Of course.. piri."

"L_ooo_cy, when do you _not _do something wrong?"

"This may be _your _punishment, Princess."

"Why can't you learn to not invade others privacy?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't want to speak to you anymore.. ebi."

"Just don't talk to him again, Princess."

Lucy's eyes blurred with tears. "No.. you're wrong. You're wrong, you're wrong, all of you," she whispered.

They weren't right. These voices, they weren't her real friends. Their faces were smeared by the hurtful words that dribbled down their chins. Her friends were wearing masks... yes.. that was right. They were just hiding, shielding their true selves from her for a while.

"When will you all take off your masks?" she asked with a stomach full of unease. A breathy chuckle mocked her.

"You're a fool, Lucy Heartfilia," a female voice whispered. "What you've been seeing are our masks removed."

Natsu hasn't returned to classes or the dining hall since he explained himself to Lucy.

Who could blame him? After he had to recall the memories he repressed, the crushing weight of his guilt must have returned. He still refused to reach out for help, from his friends or the counselors. He holed himself up in his room, and Counselor Ultear had said it was best to leave him be for a while. It was causing Lucy to become perturbed.

Lucy didn't understand.. and much as _she didn't understand_, she felt the need to do something. Anything. Lucy treasured Natsu. She.. wanted him to be happy, above everything else. For the time being, she'd put him before herself.

There was one person Lucy knew she could go to for help. After this group session, she'd be sure to go arrange a time with _him_.

Counselor Ultear grabbed everyone's attention.

"Does anyone know why Natsu's isolated himself?"

"How could we? He hasn't come out'ta his room to tell us, so we wouldn't know," Gajeel said. The woman closed her eyes for a moment.

"Your attitude is still as unpleasant as always, Gajeel, thank you."

"I um.. I know," the blonde announced softly, raising her hand.

"No! You _fucking_ fool, Princess! Why would you say something?"

"Now look, all the attention is on you."

"That woman doesn't _deserve _to know."

"You're just going to expose Natsu like this? How _inconsiderate_."

_I think Counselor Ultear has a right to know_, Lucy replied internally.

"Oh! Lucy." Ultear raised her eyebrows, the teenager's voice uncommon in this setting. "Would you mind telling us?"

The bombardment of voices were more than ready to crush her skull. After she said this, she decided, she'd asked to be excused. This way, she'd be able go talk to _him_ sooner. He seemed to be able to silence her friends.

"He was telling me about.. why he was admitted here.. and then got angry with me."

"I see.. Okay. Thank you Lucy." She expected as much.

"But um, may I be excused? For today? I'm not.. feeling well."

"You may."

As Lucy walked past Levy, the girl reached out and grabbed her hand. "Are you okay?" she whispered, and Lucy forced a smile and nodded her head.

"Fine."

Levy's eyes held hesitant worry, but she released her hold and allowed Lucy to pass.

Once Lucy made it to the third floor without being caught, and checked that no nurses were around, she found the room labeled _SC3-9_. She knocked on the door with light knuckles. It took him ten seconds.

"Ah, hello Lucy.. Long time no see."

"Hi.. Rogue."

The young man behind the door pressed his forehead to the glass and smirked. "Wanna come in? Nurses won't be back for a while."

Lucy looked into his dark eyes, past his black bangs that shielded half his face. "Which one.. are you?" she asked, peering through narrowed eyes, stepping closer to the door.

"The one you've come to adore, Lucy. '_Future_' me," he said slyly.

There were a few clicks and the door was pulled open. "Come in."

Rogue moved out of the way so Lucy could pass through, and she sat at the edge of his bed while he shut the door. The blinds were pulled shut so no sunlight could invade his room; a lone lamp shone dully on a corner of his large desk.

The male sat at his desk, staring curiously at Lucy.

"So, what do you need? I presume the key I gave you to the roof worked, no?.. I heard the commotion.. rather, the other 'me' did."

Lucy nodded her head. "..Ye..ah, so um.. Natsu Dragneel.. do you know him?"

Rogue's lip lifted viciously, and he spat quickly, "You fucking kidding me? Of course I know that damn bastard."

"Why.. Why do you say that?"

"When he first got here, 'e came up here and was snooping around and shit. That's all you need to know," Rogue explained. He took a deep breath. "Well what about him, anyway?"

"I um.. He's mad at me and won't come out of his room and I-"

"Lucy, just get down there and talk to him."

"But.. But what do I say?"

"Listen, for guys like that, you just need to comfort him, you know? As much as he may reject you, in his heart, he wants you to remain by his side." He paused. "You can do that much, can't you, Lucy?"

She nodded her head, yawning.

"How much sleep have you been getting?"

"Not much."

"Is it because of your friends?"

"Mhm."

"Are you taking your pills now?"

"Yeah."

"I see... How are your friends acting now?"

"I'd say... hostile.." Lucy wrapped her arms around herself and formed a crease between her brows. Their presences now made her feel cold and worn down.

"It's probably the pills' doing. You should stop taking them."

"Nurse Lisanna makes sure I swallow them."

Rogue looked up to the clock. "Okay. We don't have much time until the nurses come back, but I'll tell you how to make it seem like you've swallowed them."

Lucy followed Rogue's previous advice and went to Natsu's room.

"Na..Natsu." She knocked on his door, and within a minute, it was opened and she was welcomed inside. She stood around until Natsu directed her to sit in a chair, and he returned to lay in his bed, facing away from her.

"What do you want, Lucy?" he asked rather harshly, and the girl inhaled with a tied tongue. The air, thick with tension, coiled around Lucy's lungs and squeezed.

"I'm.. I'm no good with friendships, Natsu. You know that... But I.. I want to keep you as a friend!" Her neck began to heat up, and the embarrassment quickly crawled to her cheeks. "You're really special to me.. and I hate seeing you like this I.. You were my first friend when I came here, and .. and even Counselor Meredy said she's seen a change in me and my disorder."

Lucy wished the uncomfortable feeling in the depths of her throat would vanish.

"I'm here for you, you know..! I don't want you to blame yourself, Natsu! It wasn't your fault, please, can't you see that?!" Lucy's voice had risen, and she was beginning to feel lightheaded. She stared to the back of his pink hair and was glad he wasn't facing her, for she probably would have lost her nerve. What expression was he holding, she wondered?

"I'm sorry I.. made you angry earlier, but that doesn't mean that you can treat the others and me the way you've treated us!" She was becoming choked up and dizzy. She stood, deciding to go to the bathroom to try to figure out what was wrong, and began walking towards the door.

"I just wanted to tell you that I don't blame you and.. no one.. here does."

Before she made it past the bed, Lucy collapsed.

* * *

**A/N: **Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had a great New Year's Eve, or at least close to it!

As always, thank all of you for your continued support!


	9. Don't Help Me

_"Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in."  
__―_ _Shannon L. Alder__  
_

* * *

**_Chapter Nine_**

* * *

Lucy gasped awake to a bright room echoing silence.

The usual headache she experienced upon awakening was nowhere to be found. Her mind was swimming though, searching to find some sort of recollection as to why she was in the infirmary. The last thing she remembered was yelling at Natsu.. and.. and..

"Oh, looks like you're awake," came a familiar, soft voice. "How do you feel?"

Nurse Mira walked up to Lucy's bed.

"What happened?" Lucy asked, disregarding the previous question.

"You lost consciousness in Natsu's room and hit your head. Does your head hurt at all?"

"Yeah, kinda."

"Okay. You'll have to stay here for a while to make sure you don't have a concussion. Here are some painkillers. They'll help."

Lucy took the pills and looked out the window. It was nighttime.

"How's Natsu?" she wondered quietly.

"He's okay. He's sleeping in the bed next to yours, by the way," Mira answered.

Lucy widened her eyes and whipped her head over. Her action caused a sharp pain to jab her skull and she hissed. She sat up despite the pain and Mira pulled back the curtain beside her to reveal Natsu, eyes closed and lips parted.

"How long has he been here?" Lucy wondered, staring at the boy's tranquil features.

"Since he brought you down here, so.. just a few hours." Mirajane paused before continuing. "He said he wouldn't fall asleep before you woke up but it seems that wasn't the case."

Nurse Mira's heels clacked loudly as she walked to the door. Before she walked into the hallway, she turned and said, "He must have not been getting enough sleep. A lot of things eat away at that boy, so.." She inhaled a deep breath before her lips quirked into warm smile. "Take care of him, will you please?"

Lucy nodded her head. She understood Mira didn't mean it medical wise.

Three weeks passed and Lucy was able to deceive Lisanna's eyes. It was all thanks to Rogue. She needed to express her gratitude soon.

Natsu also returned to normal, sort of, so he gave Lucy his continued support. He hasn't mentioned the incident since.

She was content. Not exactly happy, but content with her situation. If she feigned health and stability for long enough, Lucy was sure she'd be able to get the hell out of the hospital. She'd picked up on a few things during her stay, so Lucy was confident she could pull it off.

Now, if only she could concentrate long enough to devise a solid solution. Alas, she couldn't.

Lucy had gotten relatively closer to the others, albeit she still keep her distance.

Gajeel walked into the art room, close behind Levy. Erza watched them walk in and she smiled to herself. They were two incredible opposites, yet they attracted each other like magnets. Levy tripped and Erza twitched, about to call out, but Gajeel grabbed her arm to prevent her fall. Levy turned around and said something, probably a thanks, and walked to their table.

"Did you guys see Natsu and Lucy while you were walking down here?" Erza asked, watching the clock above the door. The bell was going to ring soon, and Reedus didn't tolerate tardiness.

"Uh, nope," Levy answered, taking her seat next to Erza. Gajeel sat beside Levy, propping his chin up in his palm.

A few seconds before the bell rang, Natsu came in grinning, dragging Lucy along by her wrist. Though Erza became puzzled. Despite Natsu looking like.. like he was having loads of _fun_, Lucy looked blank. Pale, dead. She walked fine, sat on a stool fine, and placed her hands in her lap fine. She wasn't out of breath like Natsu was, nor was she smiling and giggling like Natsu was.

Erza leaned over to the Natsu and whispered, "What took you guys so long? I'm sure Reedus would've ripped you a new asshole if you guys walked in a second later."

His chuckles died down as if Erza had been the one to deflate him. She probably was.

"Ahh, don't worry about it. We weren't doin' nothin' bad anyway."

Erza raised her eyebrow in irritation and leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest. Reedus began to explain some project and Erza looked over to Lucy.

She couldn't find any other word to describe the blonde's state than scary.

Just what.. happened to her? Just a few weeks ago, she was actually kind of.. normal, social even. But now, it was like she reverted to her old self, the person she was when she first was admitted. But this time, she was worse. Lucy was more quiet, more spacey. More paranoid?

"Natsu, can we meet up later?" Erza asked, and the boy raised a brow in turn.

"Uh, sure? What time? Just us?"

"After dinner? And yeah."

_What an odd request_, he thought, for they haven't hung out alone yet.

He sighed a quick dismissive, "Sounds good," before listening to the teacher's instructions.

It was another painting project, great. Was that all they were going to do?

A group sigh blew through the room once they were allowed to get up and get their supplies.

After sitting down and placing her sketchbook in front of her, Erza pursed her lips. Damn, what was she supposed to draw? _Something that you wish you had_, Reedus said. What a depressing thought.

How does one draw the embodiment of happiness? Mental stability?

Erza knew what she wanted, but it was almost impossible to sketch, to _reach_. She wanted her life back, her boyfriend, her _friends_. Jellal, Simon, Rob, Wally, Shô, Millianna―themall.

Erza was wretched and self-abasing, undeserving of love. It was natural to allow her dark, strangling thoughts to sway her decisions and attitude. She didn't deserve to go back to her calm life before all... this. Not after she hurt _him_, neglected _his _feelings, and refused to accept herself... her past, _their _past.

The girl clenched her fist against her thigh, digging her nails into her palm. The urge to cut that she attempted to ignore (and failed) caused her heart rate to skyrocket.

_Fuck_, she inwardly cursed. She felt so pathetic being dragged around by her disorder as if it had her on a leash.

She raised her hand, a feeling of regret blossoming within the back of her throat. It was a feeling she couldn't swallow, no matter how many times she tried.

"Yes Erza?"

"May I be excused from class?"

"Ah, I suppose... Have a good rest of the day."

Erza nodded, quickly put away her supplies, and said farewell to her friends.

Before she left, Natsu called after her. "Are we still on for later?"

"Definitely," she replied, and left.

Erza sprinted to her room, a deep frown of disgust harboring her lips the entire way there. She was disgusting. Her body was disgusting.

Disgusting disgusting disgusting. _Revolting_. Her personality, her childhood, her skin. _Sickening_. Everything. There was nothing else in this world that Erza hated more than herself.

The patient slammed her door shut, scowling at the fact that there wasn't a lock. Her heart seemingly thumped under every inch of her skin, disorienting her rationality. It was like she wore a veil of her darkest memories and actions so she could always see them. All the harsh words she accumulated within her brain played on a record that would not stop. She scrambled in her drawers, digging through clothing.

She grimaced when her finger was cut, but even so, she sighed in relief. The nurses hadn't gone through her clothes yet; it was still here. Her best friend, her comforter, her greatest enemy. Her razor blade.

Breathing heavily from her nose, Erza rolled up her sleeve. She scanned her skin for a spot that wasn't scarred but one was hard to find. It was like searching for a needle in a distorted hay stack.

Despite the area being littered in fat scars, she found a small area and placed the sharp edge to her flesh. Pressing down and tilting her chin up, she closed her eyes and slid her tool down in one fluid motion, hissing. Erza looked to the skin that had been split open with a heavy heart, red slowly filling in against the white.

It was perfect. She had calmed down a bit, but it wasn't enough; she _wanted_ more, needed_ more_. More scars, more scabs, more cuts, _more pain_. Erza believed with every fiber of her being that she deserved it.

Frustrated tears glazed over her eyes, blurring her sight until all she saw was an unfocused cloud of crimson. She rubbed them free of the liquid with the back of her hand as she exhaled quick, shallow breaths. Two hands wrapped their sticky fingers around her throat and squeezed until she was gasping for air.

Erza continued to slice her skin, over and over, over old scars and fresh scabs, until she lost control. She continued until her tears dried up and her thoughts stood still, until blood dripped steadily onto her pants, staining them.

She was just sitting there, on her bed, staring at the ground while her lips remained parted. Not a worry ran through her mind as the throbbing turned into a numb feeling. It gradually spread to her her entire body.

She was better now.

Erza didn't know how long she zoned out, but by the time she came to, the blood on her arm had dried and her jeans stuck to her thigh. She sighed, slowly lifting her arm up to examine her mutilation. Her shoulders were stiff and the center of her back ached. Her fingers trembled ferociously, and she looked to the clock.

It was almost time for gym, so she had two choices. One being to go to the nurse and have her properly clean and look after her wounds and go into suicide watch. Her other option was to clean them up by herself and hide them from the others. Erza decided on the latter. She couldn't handle any more scrutinizing or extra therapy hours.

It was... easier this way.

Erza decided to sit out in gym. She said she wasn't feel well.

The rest played soccer in the crisp wind of October, days short of November. She lazed in the pleasant fact that she wouldn't be sweating when she decided to wear long sleeves and pants.

Her cuts throbbed pleadingly, as if they were crying to be treated with a substance other than water. She held her breath whenever a surge of pain ran through her body.

She felt blissfully empty, and that was a rare feeling.

Dinner came and Erza ate in a paranoid silence. While part of her knew her peers wouldn't know of her twisted actions, part of her thought they could tell. Was she acting weird? Being too withdrawn?

The bell rang. She wasn't going to continue to dwell on it.

"I'm going to walk Lucy up to her room first. I'll meet you in your room in a little bit," Natsu advised as he stood. Erza said it was fine.

After the boy stayed and chatted with Lucy for a few minutes, he said he'd be back and walked downstairs. Natsu knocked on Erza's door twice.

His hesitance prevented him from walking in immediately. She didn't seem to be acting normal, and he wanted to ask her about it, but she rarely talked about such things. Maybe that's what she needed him for? Was she going to confide in him? He guessed he'd find out soon enough. He opened her door and walked inside.

His innate smile turned horrified once his eyes ran over her bed sheets and discarded jeans on the floor. They were stained red, _too much _red. Cold, panicked unease invaded his veins.

Oh god, what? _What_? Was that blood?

"Sh-shit, sorry," Erza apologized, returning to reality. She needed to stop zoning out. She kicked her jeans beneath her bed with the heel of her foot and bunched her sheets together to hide her self-destruction. She kept her focus trained to the ground in shame.

"What? What.. What was that?" Natsu wondered, his tone soft to make sure she remained calm. He was having a difficult time himself. He sat on the bed next to her and reached for her arm with an anxious hand. Erza frowned and hit his arm away, hissing in pain when she could feel her wounds stretch.

"It's nothing. I don't want to talk about it. I wanted to talk to you about Lucy."

Natsu backed off slightly, his brows pinched together. "Er.. Erza.. we need to get you to the nurse. It's blood right? That's your blood? What happened?" The female groaned.

"I relapsed, okay? Okay?! But that.. That isn't important right now." She had a headache. Erza just wanted to sleep. "I need to talk to you about her-"

"No," he growled, frustration ripping through his skin like a rabid animal. "Stop trying to avoid it! You always do this!"

"_Look_, Natsu," she began, lifting her eyes to meet his. "I'll fucking go down to the infirmary afterwards. I promise I will, but please let me talk first. I'm fine right now, so just listen to me."

"You don't look '_fine_'," he mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. He nodded nonetheless and then remained silent.

Erza took some time to gather her thoughts while she faced forward.

"Have you.. Have you noticed anything different about Lucy lately? I consider her a friend, I guess, so... I'm worried. It's like she completely changed again."

The boy chuckled, a look of silly disbelief carving his features. "What are you talkin' about, Erza?" Regardless of his playful attitude, his voice trembled. "There's nothing wrong with her. She's still the same Lucy as before."

"Still the same? Tell me, are you blind?"

"I'm not."

"Just because you seem to be talking with her fine doesn't mean _she's _fine, Natsu." She continued on, closing her eyes. "Have you _seen _her? She looks so.. emotionless most of the time. It's worse this time around, right? I mean, she's worse than when she first got here, and that's saying something, don't you think? I'm worried that.. something is going on behind the scenes, something that's getting past the staff. She _should _be making greater progress than this.." She paused, then grumbled, "The medication here _is_ pretty strong, after all."

"Please, don't... say any more." Erza made a soft sound of surprise at his low, pleading voice as she turned to him. He was digging the heels of his hands into his eyes, bent forward, elbows on his knees.

"Ahhh man... Don't you think I know that?" he asked, sniffling after.

"Well.."

"I've noticed everything Erza, I honestly have.." Natsu sighed and ran a hand through his hair, noticeably shaky.

"It's-it's like I'm talking _to _her, just having a one-sided conversation!" He clenched his teeth and he downcast his eyes, trying to prevent himself from crying. "Don't you think I know I'm just talking to someone who _just isn't there_ most of the time... like she's just a vessel with nothing inside." Natsu wiped at his eyes again and blinked rapidly, trying to clear his blurry vision.

"Erza, I.. I can't just leave her alone. You know I can't. She's my- she's my best friend, even if she doesn't know it. She _trusts _me. I want her to get better; there's nothing more that I want than that, honest. I just want her to recover and get out of here.. I care about her recovery more than my own, and I- and Erza, I'll do anything to help Lucy."

Erza's brows held a constant furrow as she listened to Natsu explain himself. She never knew he harbored these types of feelings for a girl who's only been around for two months.

Erza sighed, averting her gaze to her bare toes. She watched as the red strands of her hair fell piece by piece in front of her eye. It reminded her of blood. Her attention landed back on her arm.

"I want to help her too," she said.

"But after you get yourself checked out, Erza."

_Meanwhile_

"It seems that '_future_' me is always the one who comes out to play when you're around, Lucy," Rogue said. An unscrupulous grin dragged the corners of his lips upwards. Lucy hummed in response, stepping into his room to lay on his bed. The female acted as if they've been best friends for years, the way she acted so comfortably around him. Her blonde hair fanned out beneath her, silky waves of golden covering Rogue's pillow. She folded her hands over her stomach and sighed.

"How are you?" he asked, sitting at the edge of the bed. It was dark in his room, as usual.

"Mm'fine," she answered simply.

"Have they figured out your plan yet, hm? The pills, I mean." Lucy shook her head, features relaxed. Rogue sighed, trailing his index finger over a scar that crossed his nose.

"You know, Lucy. We might get in trouble one of these days, since you come here so often. Who knows?" He shrugged his shoulders, bent his elbows, and held up his open palms. "The nurses might show up here one day and whisk you or me away." The patient paused. "Who knows."

After another two minutes of deafening silence, Rogue groaned and rolled his eyes. Sometimes, this damn blonde could be so fucking boring he wondered why he even let her in. But, he settled with what he got. He rarely got company, anyway.

Rogue's depraved mindset took over and he smirked.

"Say, Lucy?" he drawled, moving to hover over her body; she wasn't fazed in the slightest, and he didn't expect her to be. "Has anyone ever told you you were beautiful?.. Your friends, perhaps? _Natsu_?" Lucy's ears perked up and she blinked, only to feel the wetness of a hot tongue slide over the pulse of her neck. She didn't answer.

_"_L_ooo_k at us, us, us, Princess!"

"Keep your attention on us.. ebi."

"Come on you damn brat. I ain't gonna be here all day, Lucy. So you better pay attention to me."

"Princess, I'd be so honored if you'd look at me and me only."

Rogue sucked and licked at Lucy's pulse, feeling its slow thump against his muscle. She was the perfect candidate to take advantage of, and he fought against himself to not heave a chuckle. It's been a long time since he's had any fun; he wondered how far she'd let him go.

"Say, Lucy... Do you want to know a way to make your friends be real happy again?"

Lucy responded with a quick nod, and Rogue pulled back, looking into her dark eyes.

"Will you do anything?"

She nodded once more.

"Ask Erza Scarlet if she can teach you, she'll know. Ask her about an addiction."

* * *

**A/N: **I've been p down lately so this kinda just came out.

Also, it's possible that this last part was a bit hard to understand. Lucy's 'friends' were trying to distract her while Rogue did the thing.


	10. Leave it to Me

_"I don't want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead."  
__― Margaret Atwood_

* * *

**_Chapter Ten_**

* * *

Excitement sizzled within Lucy's belly. Finally, _finally_, there was a way for her friends to return back to normal! She giggled a short breath of delighted laughter, heading to the dining hall. Erza and her were friends so she was sure to explain what Rogue meant. That's what friends do, right? Lucy thought so, anyway.

It was a great day. After that talk with Rogue last night and after receiving his advice, she felt self-assured. She didn't know how she could ever repay him for his kindness.

"You know Princess," Loki said as he walked beside her, "I don't say this to be mean or anything but.. you trust way too easily."

Lucy raised her eyebrows and made a quick glance in the man's direction. "Yeah? And your point is..?" He pushed up his sunglasses with his middle finger and then shoved his hands into his pockets.

"My point is that it's not a smart thing to do. Especially that Rogue guy. You should be more wary around him."

"Huh? He's my _friend_. Why wouldn't I trust him? You're being negative, stop it."

"I'm the only one who isn't a jerk to you, so you should at least listen to my reasoning." The girl rolled her eyes, huffing.

"The others support our relationship," she stated matter-of-factly. "You should too."

"That's not even what this is about.." Loki sighed. "Ah, whatever," he mumbled.

Once Lucy made it past the double doors to the dining hall, Natsu waved her over. She grinned as childish warmth filled her, walking to the table.

"Hi guys," she greeted, looking around. She received morning greetings from everyone except Levy. She was biting her nails.

"Don't just stand there Lucy, take a seat." Natsu pulled out the chair next to him, patting the seat. Lucy sat down and within a matter of seconds her attention focused on a fractured reality. Aquarius, Sagittarius, Virgo and Scorpio stood behind Erza, who was munching a buttered piece of toast.

"Aren't you going to ask her?" Aquarius asked, folding her arms over her chest and raising an intimidating eyebrow. Sagittarius nodded his head quickly while Virgo clapped her hands together once.

"I vote you ask her right now," she said, the chains around her wrists clinking together.

Natsu was saying something―Lucy wasn't paying any attention―but he quickly shut up when she addressed Erza.

"Erza," Lucy called, drawing the girl's attention away from her food. She raised her eyebrows in curious acknowledgement and wiped away the crumbs that clung to her lips.

"Yeah?"

"Do you.."

"_Yes_,_ that's it Princess_."

"Do you know how.. how to make my friends happy again?"

Why did Lucy suddenly feel so silly?

"_Yes Lucy_, _make us happy once more_."

"What are you talking about?" the redhead asked, furrowing her brows in confusion. Seriously, did this girl even know what was coming out of her mouth half the time?

"You know," Lucy insisted. "Your addiction?"

The blonde paused, her brown irises swimming across the table as she tried to gather her words more firmly. Natsu's eyes had widened at this point, along with Erza's. They both knew exactly what she meant and the self-harmer's stomach knotted up.

"Something about cutting, was it? And.. feeling happy.. I? I don't.." Lucy pursed her lips. "Was that what he said?" she mumbled.

"I mean"―Lucy looked up to Erza, locking eyes―"you know what I mean right? Right? You cut, right? Does it make you happy? Can it make me happy? My friends? That's what Ro―"

"Lucy."

The blonde turned her head to look at Natsu and after a few seconds, a stinging sensation filled her cheek. Her head had shifted slightly so he was no longer in her line of vision, but she could see his slowly descending raised hand from the corner of her eye. After recovering from the shock of the contact, Lucy's hand came up to rest against her hot, prickling skin. A look of hurt disbelief crossed her features.

"Natsu?" she whispered. The sharp sound of the slap rang firmly within her ears still, causing pointless tears to well up in her eyes.

Erza would have became belligerent if the pinkette hadn't stepped in. Her blood was almost boiling, but at the same time, her heart throbbed with a pain she couldn't describe.

"How.. How could you?" Erza murmured. She was pining away; she didn't need this right now, didn't need Lucy's ignorance.

The blonde turned now to look at Erza, still holding her cheek. "How could I what?" The tone Lucy's voice, the sheer _innocence _that rolled from her body, made Erza's teeth grind. Staring down at the table, Erza's resolve rang throughout her mind. She took a deep breath, relaxed her tense shoulders, and shook her head.

"Nothing. Just, nothing, Lucy. Please just.. Just go away."

Natsu's eyes reflected.. nothing. No anger, no surprise, no sadness. Lucy looked around; all eyes were on her. She felt tinier than a grain of salt.

"Come on Lucy. Let's go back to your room," Natsu said in a low tone, grabbing her arm. She sputtered nonsense that was neither cared for nor acknowledged by the rest of the group at the table. They were fed up and.. disappointed, was it? Even that, Lucy could see it in their faces.

She had done something wrong, and for once, she was recognizing that. She needed to think. She couldn't thinkclearly, couldn't concentrate. Her thoughts were jumbled and muddled and it made her want to cry.

The quick walk back to her room was as silent as deafening space. His grip never faltered, though it wasn't as rough as she imagined it to be. It was gentle, almost like the scolding hand of a mother.

Once in Lucy's room, Natsu closed the door behind himself and grabbed her from behind, wrapping his arms around her frame and crushing her in a hug. He rested his forehead against her shoulder while she tensed.

"I'm so sorry for hitting you Luce," he said against her, listening to the way she swallowed. He was ashamed of himself. He had _hit _her but.. but she! She needed to watch her mouth.

What a half-assed reason to excuse his actions.

It took her a few moments to come up with a response and even then, all that came out was a quiet, "Yeah." Her faint eyes traveled to the floor.

"I'm so sorry. So sorry. I'm sorry." He apologized over and over until Lucy finally turned around in his arms and returned his hug. she placed her cheek against his head, the sting from his touch no longer clinging to her skin.

"It's okay. It's.. no big deal."

Natsu cringed. How unconvincing.

They pulled away and sat on the bed.

"I just- I just got so angry for Erza, I.." His words died on his lips. Lucy watched as Virgo appeared and sat besides Natsu. She leaned over the boy, lips brushing against cheek as she threaded her fingers through his hair. Lucy watched in mild annoyance.

"You made a mistake earlier, Princess. Apologize," she warned, the sea blue of her irises rebuking Lucy. "You wouldn't want to upset your little Natsu any more, would you? I know how much you treasure him. Give him your forgiveness."

The blonde forced a wan smile.

"It's fine, I forgive you. I'm sorry."

_What exactly am I sorry for?_

Natsu's head raised, his features quizzical. "What?"

That seemed too easy. Strange. She's never acknowledged her wrongs before.

"Then please apologize to Erza as well."

"Yeah, might _as well_ Lucy," Virgo groaned softly, untangling her fingers and sliding down Natsu's body. She outstretched herself once she settled in his lap.

"Okay," Lucy replied.

"...Also, Lucy. Who told you to say those things, by the way?"

"Huh?"

"Before.. you were saying a person's name before I.. before I slapped you. Whose was it?"

If his assumption was correct, there'd be major problems.

A group of Lucy's friends began to materialize and occupy her room's space. Their attention was locked upon the girl and an unnerving intensity dawned upon her.

"Don't tell him Lucy," Loki said frantically.

"Do _not _tell him!" Aquarius yelled.

"Don't even think about it!" Taurus yowled.

Why were they making this into such a dilemma? It was alarmingly disorienting.

Virgo shook her head and turned on her back, lifting her left hand to drag her index finger across his chin.

The rest of their communication faded into mumbles and inaudible speech until Natsu's voice cut through them all.

"Don't you trust me?"

_Ahhh... trust_. Lucy's never been too good at having it. But.. but Natsu.. he..

She _did _trust him. More than anyone.

She blurted, "I do, I really do!"

Her eyes flashed desperation and when Natsu beamed, her friends' bodies slowly evaporated. They left sparkling golden dust floating in their wake.

They departed from the girl running a solo race with her scrambled thoughts.

Why did he have this incredulous effect on her? It was frustrating, more than anything, because she just _didn't know_. Lucy didn't have the answers to this.

"It was Rogue. He told me to ask Erza. He.. he said whatever she was doing would work. She.. Erza's happy, isn't she? Natsu?"

His heart managed to free fall within his chest. "_No_!" he barked in astonishment. "Erza _isn't _happy and what she does only makes it worse. What he said isn't true." The male bit his lip. Things finally made sense now, at least, somewhat. She was being manipulated, he could tell that much from just the few clues he received. Was Rogue deliberately tryingto screw her up even more!?

It was just one thing after another at this fucking hospital, and Natsu was growing tired of it. Couldn't.. Couldn't everybody just have a smooth recovery? There had to be a way, any way.

But that was just Natsu thinking with unrealistic hope.

"You understand don't you? Nothing good can come from it. I want you to promiseme you'll never do something like that."

"Okay. I promise."

The male frowned. "How are you talking to Rogue, anyway? We aren't allowed on the Special Containment floor and they can't have any contact with us."

The blonde downcast her gaze, mentally screaming at herself. If she were to talk anymore, he could- Rogue could..

"I don't want to tell you," she answered.

"Don't want to tell me?" he repeated. Seriously, this girl! He'd get nowhere if she kept this shit up. He groaned soundlessly.

"Those patients up there are.. _dangerous_. He could hurt you, Lucy. You know? There's a reason they're isolated from everyone else. I don't want you going up there anymore. Please. Don't meet with Rogue. Don't talk to him."

Lucy didn't answer but kept tight-lipped as if contemplating his words.

There was a long pause before he spoke again. "You want your friends to be happy, don't you?" She nodded. "They can't be happy if you're not." He paused. "Are you?"

She's heard the word thrown around many times since she's been at Fairy Institution. Lucy couldn't wrap her understanding around the word _happy_. What did it mean? What did having happiness _truly _mean? No, what did it actually mean to her? How often did she experience 'happy'? She didn't know. She didn't want to think about it. That would mean digging into her memories to search, and that was the last thing the girl wanted to do. She remained silent.

If Rogue could be wrongly manipulative, then Natsu would do everything within his power to manipulate her into the right.

"You gotta find something you like doing or.. someone you enjoy being with. That's what I think the basis of happiness is, anyways."

Lucy wanted to interrupt and say she enjoyed being with him and ask what else there was, but didn't.

He ran a hand through his hair. "Can you do that?" Lucy caught the insides of her cheeks with her molars, biting down softly.

"I might."

"I'll help you. I promise I will but you have to help too."

It was impossible. Erza couldn't do it. She couldn't, _didn't want to bother _with facing Lucy. It wasn't that the red-haired patient was angry or even pissed off, because she wasn't. Her anger had died earlier in the day, quite immediately after Natsu removed the blonde from the dining hall. Now, Erza was left as her usual self: an empty vessel. She felt just the tiniest of pinches on her heart.

What Lucy said opened Erza's eyes to the reality of it all that she, for so long, ignored blatantly. Cutting herself did not make her happy; it merely served as a relief. _Just as a relief_. It didn't help anything in the long run, only sufficed calming her down for the _moment_. It did _nothing _for her long-term happiness, and that was what she was ultimately aiming for. She wanted piece of mind that would _last_.

Couldn't she find a different way to cope if she thought that way, then? A different way to relieve herself from her repressed emotions?

She's tried that before. It was like.. if she set her mind to harming herself, there was no way she'd be able to distract herself or stop until she was satisfied. It's just how her mind functioned, doing more physical and mental harm than she'd ever care fix. It ate away at her, gnawing at her until she was reduced to an emotionally unstable suicidal mess.

She thought about it all the time, dying that is. How could someone with her past... _not_? Her thoughts were pernicious and though she tried to prevent more from tainting her, it was an impossible feat. She was cursed with the inability to move on. She was trapped in the _could have been_'s and the _what if_'s, and being stuck in her past was fucking _eating her alive_.

Her counselors told her what she already knew.

"You need to stop holding on," one had said.

"You can't move forward if you've planted your feet into the ground," another'd say.

"I'll help you learn to accept yourself," her previous counselor had promised. They spouted the same idea just worded differently. However, one of them _understood_.

She had someone so great, so _wonderful _and considerate as Jellal Fernandes, and she ruined it. All because she was insecure. That's all it was. But it had blown up into _so much more_. It had been _mistake_ after _mistake_, chance after chance _not taken_. A friend's life she couldn't save.

Jellal had been there for her, loved her. She had someone who was _there_, who had _helped _her with every fiber of his being. She still chose to push him away and degrade herself, mark up her body and think in some of the darkest ways possible. Erza's mind had been so contaminated with depression that she thought she had nowhere left to turn other than a noose. She was so foolish, so unappreciative, so blind. It was how she ultimately ended up in this mental hospital: a trip to the emergency room for a cut that was too deep and three failed suicide attempts. Jellal had convinced her, had said that she neededto heal before anything. Her well-being came first, and admitting her was their last resort. He said he didn't want to lose her, that he wouldn't know what to do if she was gone.

But that was months ago and she knew he'd continue to live if she were no longer alive. Erza had her new suicide attempt planned out. She didn't have a specific date, yet she knew it'd be soon. This stupid fucking hospital and these stupid fucking nurses weren't helping. In her mind, they only made things worse.

Truthfully, the girl knew it was her own fault. She didn't _want _help. She didn't _want _to let go of the past. She was scared, so she rejected any form of help. And now, she dug herself a hole _so deep _that she was sure it would be impossible to climb out of.

She decided that, above anything else, suicide was her only way to get out of that hole. That resolve chained her in place and she made no attempt to break free.

Erza wouldn't tell anyone, she wouldn't write a note, she wouldn't have any regrets. She swore it. Her friends weren't coming back to her, her boyfriend probably moved on, and her skin couldn't revert back to its former glory. She'd be stuck with her scars for the rest of her life.

And her friends at Fairy Institution? Well.. they would get over it.

She knew it wouldn't take long before she completely snapped.

"Erza," Lucy called for the millionth time, standing outside of said patient's door. Erza stared up to her ceiling.

"_Lucy_," she groaned, "what do you want?"

"I want... I want to talk to you."

God, this girl. Erza rolled her eyes and sat up from her bed, keeping her newly washed sheets over her knees. If she didn't answer, Lucy, as persistent as she was, would have probably stayed beside her door all day. Sighing, she said, "Come in."

An uneasy feeling bubbled within the pit of Lucy's stomach as she sat down beside Erza. She pushed a bang behind her ear, clearing her throat.

After a lengthy silence, she quietly said, "I umm.. I just want to say that... that I was sorry."

The redhead raised an eyebrow and scratched at her wrist. Her brown eyes watched Lucy search for words.

"I.. crossed the line earlier and I'm sorry, Erza."

The duo made eye contact, and any negative thoughts Erza held towards the schizophrenic faded. Erza smiled kindly, pity dispersing over her response.

"Okay Lucy. Thank you."

Erza would have looked more surprised if the girl's big, brown irises weren't staring at her. "It's okay, really," she clarified, and Lucy let out a small breath.

"Oh good," she sighed as if a twenty pound weight had been taken off her shoulders.

What Erza didn't know was that Lucy didn't apologize for her own sake. Lucy apologized for Natsu and her friends' sake. They would have been angry with her if she didn't say anything, they had made clear. She didn't want them to be mad so here she was, relieved.

"I'm glad," Lucy stated, a pleasant glint in her eyes. She stood up and made her way to the doorway, turning back to say a quick goodbye, leaving Erza to herself once more.

Erza heaved a large sigh as her door slammed shut. She laid back down and curled herself into a ball. This was exhausting.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, first things first: Thank you all _sooo_ much! Thank you for over 100 followers and thank you for the _wonderful _feedback and regards! I too, along with many of you from what you've said, enjoy depressing chapters/stories. So... I could come up with a few plans for where I could go with this. I could make it a bit more dramatic and put the character's through some anguish, but it all depends on what _you _guys want from this fic. Or, I can simply continue on this path and lead the patients onto their rocky road to proper recovery, though the end will come a little quicker.

Please, let me know, and _tell me what you want from this story_ and I will do my best to fulfill your wishes!

As always, your reviews put me in a better mood. I am so so pleased with the reaction this story is getting; I'm proud.


	11. Expose Me

_"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad."  
__― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow_

* * *

**_Chapter Eleven _**

* * *

Meredy yawned as she pulled her thick hair up into a loose ponytail. Papered documents and notes littered her desk, all containing information on a certain schizophrenic. Most were descriptions of her hallucinations the woman managed to wiggle out of her. To her surprise, Lucy was actually cooperating for once. For someone like Lucy, the counselor had expected it to take _much _longer for her to open up like she has.

Now they were making real progress.

"Let's see here.." Meredy mumbled to herself, taking a sheet of paper within her hands. She hummed, skimming over the words she had written. "A maid with pink hair, blue eyes, and shackles around her wrists.." She read further down. "A man who can be as fierce as a lion. Orange hair, usually wears sunglasses and a suit.. Shows most respect towards patient.."

"A mother-like mermaid.. A perverted minotaur.. A crab who enjoys cutting hair.." Meredy ran a hand through her pink locks. "A shy ram.." She chortled. "An archer wearing a horse costume?" She smiled. "Ohhh this girl. What an complex and interesting mind you have."

An hour past, and she organized the paperwork into her desk and was finally able to relax. She interlocked her fingers behind her head and leaned back against her chair. She swept her eyes over her office, inhaling the delicious scent of the cinnamon pumpkin candle that burned. The scent blended well with the atmosphere of fall, but it also made her have this horrible craving for sweets...

A knock at her door brought the woman's attention back. "Come in! It's open." The door clicked open and her colleague, Alzack, stepped in.

"Sorry to intrude, I know you're probably busy," he greeted, his brows furrowing apologetically. She shook her head, moving to place her elbows on her desk.

"Not at all, really. I just finished up some things here with Lucy's case... Have a seat."

The male counselor sat down and ran a finger over his brow.

"What's up?" Meredy watched Alzack as he sighed.

"We have a problem. A big one."

Erza had a problem of her own. She was itching to cut and it was driving her insane. "Fuckin' Nurse Mira," she spat, exasperation flooding into her veins like a bubbling liquid.

Of course, she had no one but herself to blame for this one, _yet again_. Erza had to give up her only razor―the one she had snuck in when she was first admitted―when she went to get her wounds treated. Her sneakiness made her feel proud months ago, for then she had wrapped the blade in a tissue and hid it within her panties.

Despite having to strip, she miraculously got by the sharp eyes that had searched her. She had eventually caught on to their search cycle, so she always knew when to hide the tool.

Erza had hardly cut when she was new. She had plenty of scabs and fresh cuts to scratch open and pick at, to cause small jolts of pain to crawl up her skin. It was fulfilling at the time.

Mira used to check her regularly for new cuts but lately she hasn't. It was because Erza was "doing better" ― Meredy said so. Right, _better_. Erza was just a good liar, was all. She had her counselor completely fooled.

Her façade of being a _tiny bit_ healthy was shattered and lying on the ground for all eyes to see. She now had no choice but to accept and go along with whatever happened from here on out.

Erza walked down the hospital's long corridor towards the bathrooms. She was meeting with her counselor in around an hour and she wanted to take a shower before doing so.

Once she stepped in, the sound of running water filled her ears. She turned her head in the direction of the stalls and rolled her eyes. The newest nurse―Nurse Kagura―was quietly leaning against the wall opposite from the occupied shower. Couldn't Erza just take a shower without anyone around?

Erza would usually undress by the sinks, but she didn't feel comfortable displaying her body to this woman, or anyone else, really.

"Hello Miss Scarlet," the nurse greeted as the patient walked by.

"Hi Nurse," she responded, nodding her head.

"Do you need to shave?" The woman with plum purple hair held up a disposable razor, and Erza felt her chest tighten as the blade gleamed.

"No," she said quietly, feeling as if every cut she had on her body was aflame.

"Okay, well if you need to, just give me a shout."

_After_

The redhead was about to knock on Meredy's door when she heard muffled whispers from beyond it. There were many people talking. She put her ear against the wood to listen on the hushed words on the other side.

She was a curious girl.

"How is ... even-"

"Don't ask me!"

"What're we ... about-"

"We need to ... first."

Dammit! She couldn't catch everything. Sighing, figuring listening on would be pointless, Erza knocked on the door. The voices came to a sudden halt and she heard Meredy clear her throat. "Just a second!" she called, and then said quietly, "We'll talk about this in further detail later."

_Talk about what?_

Erza backed up once the door opened and the other three counselors stepped out of the room. She gave each of them a small smile and proceeded to step inside Meredy's office, taking a seat.

"Hello Erza." The woman sighed in what seemed like exhaustion. "Sorry about that. We were just in a meeting."

"Oh. What were you talking about?"

Meredy winked. "Nothing that concerns you, my dear."

Oh, she's sure heard that one plenty of times.

"Okay, so. How are you doing, Erza? Everything going okay today?"

And, here they go.

"I suppose so. I still think about doing it. _A__ lot_." There was no point in hiding her thoughts about cutting herself anymore.

"Well that's a given, Erza. You won't stop thinking about it until your mind goes in a different direction. What made you do it again?"

"I guess it's just.. everything came flooding back all at once and I couldn't stand it? I don't know. There's.. not just one single _thing_, you know?"

"Do you mean your memories with Simon and Jellal?"

"Pretty much." Erza downcast her eyes. God, she really didn't want to think about it.

"Well, what was running through your mind?" Erza raised her eyebrows for a second while thinking, recalling her distressing thoughts.

"That I.. didn't care, at all. I don't care what happens to me. Why should I? I let that happen to Simon. I let Jellal down." Erza's eyes began to brim with tears. "Miss Meredy, I can't manage hold down a single relationship. No matter what I do, I can't get my life on track. I just keep failing, _again _and _again_."

"You aren't expected to. Some _adults_ don't even have their life together. Who ever said you had to figure things out right here, right now? You have the rest of your life to do that."

Erza didn't have that type of time. She knew she wouldn't live that long, not with how things were going.

"You aren't supposed to be able to handle a serious relationship at your age either. You aren't in the right mindset to. How could you possibly make healthy decisions while you're in this state?"

"I-"

"And there was nothing you could do to prevent what happened to Simon. You aren't the one to blame; no one is."

Meredy leaned back in her seat and adjusted her sweater. "If Jellal really loves you, he _will _wait for you, Erza. Until you're better."

"And when is _that_ going to happen!?" she shrieked, a few tears toppling over her eyelids. "When, because I can't stand this anymore! I'm _tired_!"

Wait, what was she even _saying_? She shouldn't be thinking about recovery. She was going to kill herself. Jellal wouldn't need to wait then.

The counselor sat in silence for a bit, waiting to see if Erza was going to continue. When she figured she wasn't, Meredy said, "Are you trying to recover for him, or for yourself? Who's the _real _priority here?"

"Je... Jellal is," she whispered, feeling as though she took a sudden blow to the chest. "I'm doing this for him."

That was right, _right_? Yeah, it was. She was doing everything for him.

"You say you're doing this for Jellal, but is that what's really going on here? Don't you think you'd be trying a bit harder if it _was _for him?"

"That's-that's not right! I _am _trying-"

What was she doing? Trying to do?

Run away?

"Don't you want to recover for your own benefit?"

Erza knew.

"Or is it because of your lack of self-worth that you say you're doing it for him more than yourself? So that you don't have to take _true _responsibility? So this way, maybe you won't have to make amends with everything, with the things that happened _before _you met him?"

What the fuck was with these mind games?

Meredy's eyes softened into an almost apologetic gaze. "I can tell you're scared Erza; it's written all over your face. But, what do you _really _think will happen when you recover? Tell me."

Erza hated when she actually had to give her counselor a clear answer.

"I... I..." Erza paused, fiddling with the hem of her sweatshirt. "I'll be discharged and," she whispered, "there'll be no one waiting for me when I get out."

"You have a _family_."

"Who _abandoned _me."

The woman shook her head. "No," she said softly. "I'm not talking about them. I mean Jellal. Millianna, Rob, Wally and Shô. They're your family, aren't they?"

_Stop stop stop._

"They still left!"

"_You _left, Erza."

Huh? No, they all left _her. _Because they... Because they couldn't handle it. They couldn't deal with the Erza then. They left her alo-

"_You _changed, hadn't you? Correct me if I'm wrong." Meredy paused. "You changed, pushed everyone away, didn't want to accept anyone's help. But you're here now, making an attempt to become healthy again. Right?"

_No_.

"They're waiting for you, Erza. They're waiting for you to come back. But you'll still be different than how you used to be. You'll never be able to be how you once were, you know?" Erza nodded her head at that. "They'll learn to accept that. _You'll _learn to accept that."

_Would she?_

Lucy was called down to her counselors office roughly an hour after dinner. It was probably about Rogue, Natsu had concluded after she left his side. He had talked to Alzack that morning, so he was just the tiniest bit surprised that action was taken so soon. But, he was just making assumptions here. Lucy could have went for different reasons, but it was unlikely.

Now, all he'd have to do was wait for her to get back. When Lucy returned, she would either hate him for exposing her secret and betraying her, or, or... Well, Natsu couldn't picture the blonde reacting any other way. He just hoped she would realize that he was doing this because he cared.

* * *

**A/N: **For those of you who told me what you wanted, I appreciate it, and will be including more anguish as you've wished.

I apologize for the shortness of this chapter! If I _did _cram all of the things I wanted to here, it would have been too all over the place and I didn't want that.

Leave me your thoughts please!


	12. Justify Me

_"He said that I have to remember that even though I've changed a lot in here, I'm going back to a world that hasn't changed."  
__― Michael Thomas Ford_

* * *

**_Chapter Twelve_**

* * *

Everything Lucy considered her norm was now being torn apart and blown out into the open; she felt like she was stripped naked. Caught. She was aware that things would drastically change after this meeting but she did not know how significant that would be.

She sat with a wedge in her throat, making her choke on her words.

"I'm not accusing you of anything _at all_ here, Lucy. I'm just asking you to tell me the truth."

Lucy sunk back into her chair while she stared down at her trembling hands. Meredy was talking about Rogue. How did she know? There was no way she could have found out! They were caref-

"_Natsu_," Ophiuchus taunted in her ear, a cruel grin and a cackle accompanying her words.

Realization then bit her like a snake, its venom poisoning her. It was paralyzing and red hot and Lucy forgot how to breathe.

There was no way.

"Who told you?" the blonde blurted, cutting off Meredy's next sentence.

"That isn't the concern here."

"Who told you?" she repeated, her voice's shakiness akin to that of her hands. "Was it Natsu? Was it?"

Please. _I'm begging you_. _Don't confirm it_.

Don't-

"No Lucy, it was not. A nurse saw you slip out of Rogue's room," Meredy said. Lucy exhaled a long, weary breath through her nose. She closed her eyes and when she reopened them, Scorpio was sitting on Meredy's desk with his legs crossed, a sly smirk shaping his lips.

After a slight tense pause, Meredy continued to speak. "Do you understand the severity of your actions?" Lucy downcast her eyes. "No patients are to allowed on the third floor. You _know_ that. The patients there are highly unstable. You're lucky you didn't get hurt."

The girl's expression was enough to make the counselor's heart lurch. "Wait... Lucy, did he hurt you?" she asked in a quiet, careful voice.

"Yes Lucy, did he?" Aquarius mocked.

"Princess, we saw it all!"

"We watched it happen, _encouraged _it even."

Lucy didn't know what to do, to say, to _feel_. She didn't know what was right anymore.

"Lucy, hey, you need to tell me. You won't be in any trouble and absolutely _no one_ is going to blame you. Can you please answer my question? Did Rogue touch you? Hurt you in any way?"

_Touch_.

_Hurt_.

Without her consent, fat, vision-blurring tears welled up within her eyes and dropped down her face. The first cry that escaped her throat was a wail of an apology. Her hands flew up to her face and she covered it, sobbing into her palms. Then, she doubled over and cried into her knees, clutching her sides. If she let go, she thought, then she might really lose herself like her friends said she eventually would.

By the time Lucy was digging her fingers in her rib cage in a poor attempt to distract her racing mind, Meredy was kneeling beside her and cradling her head against her chest while her opposite hand rubbed circles on her lower back. Lucy's long hair was pressed against her face and her tears stuck strands to her cheeks.

She nodded hurriedly and the woman squeezed her tighter.

"He-he touched me! A-and I, and I le-t him..!" She wailed once more, sucking in large breaths.

"Shhh-shh, Lucy," Meredy hushed. "It's okay, it's okay. We don't need to talk about it right now. You can tell me as much as you want when you're ready."

This was bad. This was so bad. Meredy was infuriated at her inability, the other _staff's _inability to do their fucking _job_. How could she have been so blind? How could the nurses not have _noticed _her travelling through the hallways?! The unlocked _door_ to his room? How could she have thought she could trust the girl? How could she let her.. let that.. let that.. **boy** _touch_ her? Even a _finger_?

She needed to contact her boss as soon as possible. This was a matter she couldn't keep to herself.

The girl shook her head, her shoulders quivering. "No! No, I-! I, he t-old me it was o-kay and i..it'd- it'd fe-el good!" Meredy rested her cheek atop Lucy's head, furrowing her brows. She squeezed Lucy tighter.

"Natsu.. he-! He told me..! He told me not to go th-ere and I didn't listen! H-e"―she sniffled―"told me the things Rogue said were lies b-ut I trust Rogue! He only wants to make m-e happy, nothing else!"

_Wrong, so **wrong**_, a voice shouted in her head. Was it her own? It didn't sound familiar.

The blonde placed her forehead on her jeans and her cries calmed down.

"Lucy, honey, what did Rogue say to you? Can you tell me?" Meredy backed away from the patient slightly but still held her hand against her back. Lucy's hair shielded her face so the woman couldn't tell what expression she wore.

Lucy spilled it. She spilled it all.

Like a dam that's been broken, her words tumbled past her lips, trampling over one another.

Was _this _right?

Laying her bed, Lucy fisted her sheets against her chest. Her throat felt tight, even more so when the thick lump that inhabited the space wouldn't budge. She felt this often when she got in trouble back at home, when she used to wait for her father to storm into her room and scream at her.

But this wasn't home. Her father wasn't around. Meredy said she wasn't in trouble. Meredy said things would be taken care of. What did that mean exactly? What would happen to Rogue? Now that their secret was out, what would _he _do? He said he'd get mad if she ever said anything. Oh god, what was going to happen to them now that-

"Lucy?" came a voice beyond the door.

"...Natsu," she whispered in response, breath hitching. His presence alone dragged her from her anxious thoughts.

"I'm coming in, okay?"

He appeared worse than she. Natsu's eyes looked heavy and tired, and they stood out against his blanched skin. A deep frown burdened his lips and when he met her eyes, he forced a small smile. He spoke with a quiet voice. "'Sup, Lucy."

The blonde didn't respond. She knew that look pretty well by now. She shifted her back closer to the wall and lifted the covers as an invitation for the boy. He accepted greedily, sliding in next to her and wrapping his arms around her, burying his face against her sweatshirt. His hands pressed against her back firmly, bringing their bodies close. Lucy inhaled a deep breath.

"Again?" she asked softly.

"Again."

They've done this a few times now. It helped calm Natsu down whenever his disorder was going to get the best of him, and it never failed to keep Lucy relaxed herself.

"Did you talk to Meredy?" he murmured, closing his eyes in bliss from the feeling of her fingers softly raking through his hair. Natsu swallowed thickly. What was she going to say? Did she know he told?

"I did," she answered. "I.. told, Natsu. I confessed.. everything - the things about Rogue."

Natsu's eyes opened. He asked breathlessly, "Seriously?" Lucy nodded and sighed, her heart's quick beat thumping against Natsu's skin.

"Yeah," she breathed. "It feels like there's a huge load off my chest but I.. also feel like I made a mistake. Should I have said anything?"

Ignoring her question, Natsu tangled his legs in hers. A small, content smile portrayed his happiness. Maybe now she could finally recover without any complications. He hoped.

"I'm so proud of you. I'm proud. I'm so happy for you Lucy. You did everything right. I'm so proud."

Biting her lip as Natsu rambled on about how proud he was of her, Lucy's shoulders shook as a hundred different emotions found their way into her heart. They were all so varied and overwhelming and Lucy didn't know which one to focus on. Instead of verbally expressing herself, her feelings came out in the form of tears. Lucy grabbed gentle fistfuls of Natsu's hair and buried her cheek against the crown of his head. He held her tighter.

The dominant emotion she felt most at that moment was appreciation. Such deep, deep appreciation for Natsu. She wouldn't have been able to spill herself the way she did if it wasn't for his words.

However, she couldn't help the tug in the back of her mind that something was wrong, like a constant nag she couldn't shake off.

After a while, once Natsu discontinued his praise and Lucy stopped crying, a persistent ringing in her ears prevented her from drifting off into slumber like Natsu had. She was tired and she wanted to sleep, but she knew she wouldn't be able to. Not with the ringing and occasional whispers.

"Lucy? Hey, Princess?"

"We know things you don't."

"Meredy was lying. Lying. Lying."

"It was Natsu! Natsu! _Natsu_!"

"Haven't you had enough of him?"

"Corruption."

"Our good friend Rogue is going to go away now."

"And it's all your _FAULT_."

Lucy clenched her teeth and curled in on herself, effectively squishing Natsu's cheek against her breast. He stirred in his sleep and Lucy released a whimper, whispering the boy's name. She pinched his cheek, pulling it outwards in an attempt to wake him up. It worked.

"Mmmf... yeah, Lucy.."

"Can you please make them stop," she murmured, chocolate eyes holding too much weight for her to handle alone. Natsu pulled back a bit, blinking away drowsiness.

"What would you like me to do?" he inquired, voice groggy and thick. He propped himself up on his left elbow.

"I.. I don't know they just.. Something, please do something, I.."

Natsu twirling his index finger in her bangs, looking into her eyes. They were glossy and red and swollen, snared in the depth of Natsu's. Her mind was swimming but suddenly she was aware of how warm he was and the way his leg hair felt against her skin where their pants rode up. His skin was a little rough and his fingertips were no different. He was breathing her air and her heart was beating fast and- and- he was shifting closer to her-

Natsu's palm came to cup Lucy's cheek as he shifted closer. His inner thigh was pressed against hers, and everything was becoming hot. She watched as his eyes slowly closed and felt the tip of his nose brush past her own.

He was kissing her.

He pushed his lips against hers and his hand moved to the nape of her neck, catching a few strands of golden between his digits. Natsu pressed his fingers against her skin gently, tilting her head, and Lucy's breath caressed his cheek as she exhaled shakily. Her eyes were still open and she didn't know what to do with her hands or her mouth. Her mind went blank like a sheet of paper; all previous thoughts and sounds fled her consciousness. They vanished and all she could focus on was the skin embracing hers and steadying her breaths.

Natsu suddenly pulled away, though reluctant. He understood the fact that she was not going to kiss him back and he released their lip-lock with a '_mch_'. His eyes opened and he removed his hold, sinking back onto his elbow. Lucy was crimson and burning.

"Sorry, Natsu.. I ahm, I just.. That was- first- my.."

She rambled until Natsu heaved a single nervous chuckle, looking as flustered as she was. "Sorry.." He paused, finding the sheets distracting. "But, did it.. work?" asked the boy, eyebrows furrowed in uncertain worry.

Was that the wrong thing to do?

She disentangled their legs, avoiding eye contact, and threw the covers off them. "Natsu.. I, um. Please leave."

It took Natsu a moment to comprehend her words."Oh. I see... Sorry I just thought I'd.." He then got off her bed without another glance and walked to the door. "I'll just see you tomorrow then."

He shouldn't have done it.

"Yeah," she responded, but as he opened the door, she groaned, flipped over and buried her face in her pillow. "Natsu!" she yelled into it, stopping him in his tracks. He raised his eyebrows in surprised question. "Thank you. I'm.. really happy!"

Natsu left with a bashful smile while they both shared fluttering hearts.

After Natsu shut the door with a soft click, Lucy released a shuddering breath. She was grinning and a few bubbled giggles left her throat.

She was happy.

It did work.

Lucy didn't think about anything but that kiss for the remainder of the night. Lucy's friends did not attempt to speak with her, nor did the deafening ringing return. The quiet was peaceful, yet depressingly lonely.

She hoped he'd do it again.

Meanwhile, Meredy was on the phone with Evergreen. "I need two security guards in my office now, please." The receptionist pushed her glasses further up her nose with her middle finger and nodded her head.

"Understood. They'll be there in a minute. I'll call now."

Meredy flipped through papers regarding the Special Containment patient Rogue Cheney. "Alright.. Thank you Evergreen."

"No problem. Good luck."

The counselor huffed out a laugh, her words laced with sincere appreciation. "Thanks. I think I'll need it."

"Things'll work out, I'm sure... Okay, I'll send over Jura and Orga."

"Perfect. Bye-bye."

"Bye."

Meredy hung up the phone and within two minutes, a heavy knock was at her door. Two large men ventured into her office, each holding an intimidating aura. "Hello boys," she greeted, smiling up at them while she organized papers into a black folder.

"Hello ma'am," Jura greeted while Orga nodded his head.

"We'll be going to Special Containment floor three room nine, Rogue Cheney's. I need to address a situation that has involved one of the patients on the second floor. I would appreciate it if you two would accompany me, for safety. Think you men can handle it?"

They nodded their heads.

"Great. Let's go."

* * *

**A/N: **I really appreciate all of the feedback that I'm receiving and your words make me _so _happy. Thank you sincerely.


	13. Dig into Me

_"There are three types of lies - lies, damn lies, and statistics."_  
_― Benjamin Disraeli  
_

* * *

**_Chapter Thirteen_**

* * *

Natsu watched his feet as he walked down the stairs smiling to himself. He didn't fuck things up. This was good.

The boy was abruptly pulled from his thoughts when a strong hand gripped his wrist, halting him in his tracks, throwing him off balance for a second. He looked up to meet the face of the person who stopped him. Miss Meredy.

"Natsu."

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

The woman's face was hard.

"Sure, yeah.. No problem."

With a single nod, Meredy released her hold and continued to head up the steps. Two men in black followed hot on her heels, passing by and disregarding Natsu's presence.

"Counselor Meredy?"

She stopped climbing and turned her head, arching her delicate brows. "Hm?"

"Please make sure... Rogue never speaks to her again."

"You can count on me, Natsu."

When Meredy stood before Rogue's door, she took a deep breath. Despite being a woman of confidence, her pulse thumped loudly against her eardrums. There was no doubt that she was nervous. She almost dared to say _scared_.

"Okay," she breathed, "ready?" She looked over her shoulder and Jura and Orga nodded.

"When you are," Orga said, folding his muscular arms over his chest. With one more deep breath, the woman placed her clipboard beneath her arm and dug out her silver skeleton key for the doors on the third floor. She knocked once before sliding the object in the lock and turning it until she heard a click. When she opened the door, she was greeted by darkness. It was a darkness that seemed ready to reach out and shake her hand but tighten its grip and pull her forward, dragging her deeper into the neverending black.

"Rogue?" she called tentatively, gauging the silence that clung to the four walls of the room. She took a step past the door while straining her eyes to see. She heard his breathing before she saw his face.

"Are you awake?"

There was a sigh.

"I hardly sleep. You should know that, Miss Meredy."

His voice came from the direction of the bed.

"I'm turning on the lights."

Meredy flicked on the switch that rested on the wall adjacent to the door. Bright lights illuminated the space and she cringed, slowly adjusting to the merciless radiance. Her eyes jerked to the boy whose back faced them.

"What do you want and why did you bring your dogs with you?"

Meredy pulled out a chair and sat down. Orga stood at the door and Jura stood to her left. "I think I can tell 'which' Rogue I'm speaking with by your tone."

The dark-haired patient turned over so he faced the staff, his brows raised mockingly. "Seems like you're starting to get the hang of it."

"Seems so."

Rogue brushed his bangs from his face, displaying the scar that ran across his right eye.

"Still having nightmares about it?"

Meredy was referring to the incident that robbed him of his sight.

"Occasionally.. But enough about that. Let's get to the real business here, Meredy. You didn't come in here with two huge guys for nothing." He feigned innocence, continuing with, "What could have ever made you think that I was a threat? Made you think I'd put you in harm's way? Just _what _do you want with me?"

"I think I should be asking _you_ that question, Rogue. What are your goals here?"

He laughed childishly. "Why to recover of course! To become normal, like everyone else. What do you think I want?"

"I don't have time for your games Rogue. You know exactly why I'm here."

"I've just been playing a little, Miss Meredy."

"_Playing_?" She paused, her narrowed eyes staring in disbelief. "_Playing_, you call it? You're interfering with a girl's recovery here! Do you have any idea how much progress she could've made if you didn't _play_?!"

A flood of laughs burst past Rogue's lips. After the fit was finished, he wiped the corner of his eye, an amused grin still touching his lips. "Oh, I _know_. But do you think I _care_? _Please_, if you're looking for someone who cares, you're in the wrong fucking place."

Meredy only saw rage. If he thinks he's going to treat this like a _joke_ and then _disrespect_ her on fucking top of it-

Jura placed a hand on her shoulder, pressing his fingers into her as a warning to calm down. She peered up at him while he frowned down at her, shaking his head sternly. She took a deep breath and he removed his hand.

She wasn't going to beat around the bush.

"Did you touch Lucy Heartfilia when she was in your room?"

"How could I resist? Seriously, Meredy?"

"Where did you touch Lucy Heartfilia?"

"Shouldn't you already know? Or did that submissive slut not spill everything? She must've told you, am I right?"

Meredy swallowed thickly, staring at Rogue's smug face. "If you don't answer me, I will personally see to it that you never step foot inside of this hospital again. I will make sure that you spend the rest of your life in a prison cell for the rape of Lucy Heartfilia. Do you understand?"

At this declaration, a sudden switch was made within Rogue. His features softened and his eyebrows relaxed, morphing to accompany the sadness that washed over him.

"You'd really send me to prison? For something that I didn't do? I don't even know what he did to that girl! Lucy and I are friends! How are you going to put the blame on me for this?"

"You should be able to recall what you did to her. After all, you're two sides of the same coin."

"But, that isn't right! I'm me and he's him! How could I recall?! He's _not_ me!"

The same switch was flicked again and laughter then filled the air.

"Pfffahaha! Fuck! He needs to let me handle the talking!"

Meredy's patience was worn too thin, so it snapped. Her grey eyes pierced him, eyebrows raised dangerously. She clenched her fist and waited until the boy settled down.

"You either tell me now, or I'm leaving. And you know what will happen once that happens."

Rogue's smug grin was immediately wiped off his face to be replaced by a frown. Her promise sent goosebumps scurrying across his forearms and a gulp swallowed his excess saliva. He mentally cursed when he realized it was too loud to go unheard by the others. She was definitely serious and the gleam in her eyes assured that belief.

"Fine, whatever." He paused, flipping through the options he had in this situation. He didn't have many. "All I did was touch her tits and kiss her neck."

"Under her shirt?"

"Yeah."

"Under her bra?"

"Yep."

"Is that all?

"Yeah."

Meredy looked down to her clipboard and took the pen that was hooked onto it. She clicked the point out and pressed it against the sheet of paper, her fingers guiding the ink between the lines on the surface. Not looking up, she then asked, "Did Lucy protest whatsoever? Did you force yourself on her?"

"As much as I would have liked if she had struggled, she didn't. She didn't say no."

Rogue rolled onto his back, pursing his lips together. Meredy continued to write, not sparing the boy a glance when he continued to speak.

"So what's going to happen now?" he asked, feeling his stomach knot. There wasn't much Meredy could do, right? It wasn't like he forced himself on her; she had _allowed_ him to. And he wasn't lying―Rogue didn't do anything other than what he said.

Meredy inhaled a deep breath through her nose, exhaling through her mouth, setting down her blue pen. "I'll be returning to my office and speaking with my boss and deciding what course of action to take. I cannot decide what to do with this alone. I'll be speaking with Lucy more and seeing what else she has to say. And if you're lying, so help me Rogue.."

Both of their stories matched up at this point. But what could she... _do_? Meredy couldn't.. really.. do anything other than reprimand him―the both of them, because―as much as Meredy hated that it was true―it was consensual on both parts based on what they said. She could tighten the security around Rogue's room and keep a closer eye on Lucy, have Natsu keep a closer eye on her as well, but what else? What _else_? _What else _could she _do_?

The woman cursed under her breath. Yes, she definitely needed to speak with Makarov. Maybe he could come up with a more severe punishment than she could think of at the moment.

"I'll be leaving now. Jura, stay outside the door, and if Lucy comes up here, send her down to my office immediately. Understood?"

"Understood."


	14. Understand Me

_"Nothing, Everything, Anything, Something: If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something."_  
_― Jarod Kintz  
_

* * *

**_Chapter Fourteen_**

* * *

Meredy woke up the morning after her talk with Rogue and immediately groaned, glancing at the clock with bleary eyes. It was so _early_. She'd barely gotten any sleep―four hours and twenty minutes to be exact. Her alarm had yet to go off, but she didn't bother to go back asleep. Her mind was already wide awake and flipping through the numerous responsibilities she needed to fulfill, which prevented her eyelids from shutting.

The woman stared up to her ceiling blankly after rolling onto her back, sighing through her nostrils. Then, she furrowed her brows and was flailing her limbs, letting out frustrated grunts every time she smacked her head against her pillow like some little kid. She settled once she managed to throw her blankets off of her and let out another longer sigh. "Ugh," she groused, sitting herself up and getting out of bed.

She threw her head back as she walked out of her bedroom. "I don't want to go to work today!"

Things were slow at the hospital. It was almost unbearable.

Gray chewed on his bottom lip as he propped his chin up in his palm. He watched Lucy's brush stroke as she spread the blue paint between the lines of a dress. Or maybe that was the sweater?

It looked like a doll either way.

The hair of it was a light brown and its eyes were the same blue as the one Lucy was still using. The blush ovals on its cheeks were a light pink, much lighter than the color of the rose between - what Gray figured was - a bow and the bracelets on each of its cylinder arms.

"What are you painting, Lucy?"

Why was he even asking? Wasn't it obvious enough?

Lucy popped her head up and stalled her painting. She stole a quick glance at Gray's blank sheet of paper and frowned for a second before lifting her eyes and replying. "Michelle," she answered. "She's my favorite doll. I've had her since I was real little; but I lost her somewhere in the attic, I think. So I don't know where she is anymore."

Gray nodded his head with raised dark eyebrows but immediately grimaced when he pulled at a piece of skin with his teeth. Metal rolled over his taste buds and he quickly lapped it up, sucking on his lip.

"It's a nice drawing," he complimented, and he turned his head away from the girl after she whispered her thanks. His eyes then trailed over to Juvia and that's where they stopped for the time being. She was sitting directly across from him in a sweatshirt with the strings removed, the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. Her hair was up in a messy ponytail, a few incapable hairs falling over her forehead. She dipped the tip of her paintbrush into the dip of an egg carton filled with an array of cool colors before returning to her work. That, too, was stroked with blues. She was probably painting rain or something gloomy again, as always, but she was smiling pleasantly. Weird.

Gray tasted his blood again and ran his tongue over his abused skin.

He continued to watch her, his eyes constantly flicking from the paper to her face before he settled on watching her eyes. They were so dark, but so _light_.

Gray rolled his ankle and cracked it, suddenly itching to take off his shoes and socks and _maybe his pants too_―

He sunk his teeth deep into his lip, giving more crimson permission to slide into his mouth. He tried to blink away his thoughts and it worked to a degree.

Juvia's focus rolled onto Gray once she noticed someone's eyes boring into her. She met Gray's eyes and she raised her brows in question, but then her facial features melted and she was beaming.

_So damn bright it's disgusting_.

Gray couldn't help but to smile too, as if he had been defeated, but it was soft and his teeth didn't show. Afterwards, Juvia mouthed, "You shouldn't pick your lips so much," and drew her attention away from him. Gray's lips fell and he sucked his bottom one into his mouth, averting his eyes. _Whatever_.

In his peripheral vision, he saw Natsu's head pop up and linger on him for a few long seconds before he put it back down, only to get a flick of black paint onto his neck from Gajeel. Gray chuckled silently as Natsu dipped the pad of thumb into his red paint and flicked it off with his forefinger, effectively splattering it against Gajeel's arm.

Reedus told them to knock it off and Gajeel refrained from his next move with a glower.

Gray yawned. Even though Juvia could be.. _Juvia_, he was still the closest with her than anyone else. He held a bond with her he hasn't held with anyone since his childhood friend. She was _special_, a damn kind of special that was so horribly irresistible, and she knew things about him that he seldom shared.

Like the reason _he is_ how _he is_. The reason he felt the need to strip and the reason why he can't let go; why he _won't_.

He had a habit and a thirst for revenge, both of which took over his life, drove him near insane, and wound him up in a fucking _mental hospital_.

Gray Fullbuster's parents were murdered without a purpose, without a reason when he was a young boy. After they past, his martial arts teacher, Ur, became like his mother, and he clung to her like a lifeline. She took him in and filled the hole that was left.

At such a young age, Gray found it difficult to block out things he didn't want to remember and things he didn't want to see. As much as Gray wanted and tried to force the trauma out of his brain, _it just wouldn't leave_, and it taunted him every single night with unwanted flashbacks of the brutal scenes he had wished would disappear. That is, until Ur helped him bit by bit, and they kind of just.. went away.

He eventually forced himself to forget.

There was a boy who he was constantly with as well, who was Ur's other student. Lyon Vastia. He and Gray were rivals, but undeniably the best of friends, constantly bickering and teasing one another whenever the opportunity arose. Ur didn't like that too much, though Gray's fondest memory of her was when she finally had enough of their shit and screamed at them to _cut it out because she doesn't want to tolerate it anymore and she's grown sick and tired of their constant squabbling and she swears their giving her deep wrinkles that may never soften_. Gray doesn't think he's laughed harder in his life than at that time.

Albeit she was naturally kindhearted and affable, the woman had trained them harshly. She would often force them to condition their bodies in near-freezing weather and with little clothing at that. Stripping to his underclothes became a habit for Gray even then, and Lyon had eventually picked up on it as well. If Lyon still does it, Gray wouldn't know. He hasn't talked to him in years.

The boy's small happiness he worked so earnestly for was destroyed. All that Gray had once ignored pounded at the door known as his recollection and beat on it until it was ripped from its hinges and he remembered _everything_. Things went from '_okay_' to '_I've lost it_' in the matter of an hour.

Ur was killed, protecting the two boys from the same _monster_ that stole away Gray's parents only a year and a half prior. His source of safety, security, and normalcy was ripped from his hands by Death himself in seconds. He still remembered her last words clearly, though she has been long since faceless.

_I'll seal away your darkness for you, okay, Gray? So please step into the future for me._

What a thing to say.

That fucking demon was never found, _still_ _hasn't been_ _found_, and was responsible for the rewiring of Gray's brain. Stripping became a usual thing for the boy, a habit that he could not break no matter what he did, no matter how many therapists he talked to.

He was admittedly stubborn and uncooperative.

Before, his stripping was manageable and his mindset had been continuously rocky, but roughly a year ago, a trigger set him off and he could no longer rationally control himself. He was watching the news one evening in the orphanage he lived in, and―and the _thing_ that ruined his childhood came on the screen, forcing the resurface of memories he had kept so desperately in check.

It was an impulse at that point, and it didn't matter where he was: he'd strip. But now, Gray has it _a little _under control, but not much; and he still hasn't been able to accept what happened all those years ago. Not until that beast was behind bars or better yet―dead.

He believed he was hopeless, but Juvia didn't think so.

He had built a thick wall made of inches and inches and _inches_ of ice that made it impossible for anyone to pass through. But Juvia was like boiling hot water and melted it.

Gray even thought she _understood _him on some sort of fucked up level. Her insight was terrifying. Juvia came from an abusive family though, so she's dealt with the ruination of familial connections her entire life.

He didn't know what made him open up to her so quickly. Maybe it was the fact that she told him about her home life first, had explained how her father beat her and her mother on a daily basis for as long as she could remember until he eventually shot himself―but he didn't want to think about that right now. His heart clenched at the thought of a fist belonging to the person who was supposed to _care _colliding with that narrow jaw and made his ire swell.

It angered him even more knowing that that bastard was in the fucking ground, unable to repent.

Maybe Gray had anger issues. He'd have to look into that.

Juvia was his support of a kind, even though he repeatedly messed with her disorder. She dealt with erotomania, and though Gray didn't know much about it, he did know that she had this weird type of mindset where.. she just.. thinks other people _love_ her when they don't. And he just happened to be one of those people. It's no one else at the hospital, just him.

_And that was the problem. _

Well, Gray couldn't say he _loved_ her... because he hasn't been able to fit the word into his vocabulary since Ur died, but he cared about her. Too much. That's what scared him the most. He didn't _want_ to care about her, didn't _want_ her to have the capability to open his chest and embed herself into his heart. But he did, she did, and it fucking horrified him.

Bad things happen to those around Gray, and Juvia was the closest.

It also pissed Gray off when she said he'd come around, or that he just didn't know he loved her yet, even though it was mainly her disorder speaking. Even though she seemed to understand his feelings towards her, she didn't. She didn't get that it made him mad when she threw around emotions he had blacked out for years in the open like it was absolutely casual. Or at least to him it seemed that way.

Gray scowled. Stupid girl.

The art teacher's voice drew Gray away from his thoughts surrounding Juvia.

"How's everybody doing? How're things coming along..."

_Great, now he's coming over here._

"Oooh! Very nice, Lucy!... Gray.. nothing?"

"No." Gray's voice was quiet, yet it held a certain tenseness he didn't care to look into.

"That's fine."

_Of course _it was fine. You didn't have to do much of anything and it was _fine_. It's not like they can force a bunch of fucked up kids to do shit they don't want to.

...Ha. Seems Erza hasn't done anything either.

"Nothing makes you happy?" Reedus asked, his tone of voice making Gray want to throw a string of curse words at the man. Sure, they were ill, but they weren't fucking _children_.

Erza rolled her head in Gray's direction so she faced away from Reedus and rolled her eyes. Gray chuckled, shooting her a look that said 'I know your pain'. She smirked.

"No, Mr. Reedus. Not really." With a shake of his head, the overweight man was gone and criticizing Natsu's work―whatever it was, and a frown worked its way back onto Erza's face.

Gray frowned as well. Just looking at her caused a knot to form tightly in his stomach and threatened to rip it apart. He didn't have a good feeling, and he just knew something was up. Something wasn't right, and something was going to happen.

"Fuck," he cursed quietly, sliding his hand down his face, and Juvia's head popped up for a brief moment. He sighed and put his head down onto the table.

It was going to be a long day.

Meredy sipped the last drop of her black coffee. She'd been procrastinating and still has yet to contact Makarov, the founder of her workplace. "Uuugh," she groaned, spinning around once in her chair. Really, she was acting like a child. She needed to get her shit together and just make the damn phone call, but Meredy didn't want to, no matter how unprofessional it seemed, because her boss could be pretty frightening when he was in a bad mood, and she'd take the brunt of it if she happened to call him at a bad time.

However, she needed to; it was her job.

"Okay," Meredy resolved, picking up the phone from her desk and bringing it to her right ear, taking out notes from inside a manila folder. She dialed his number and listened to it ring.

He picked up on the fourth chime.

"Makarov Dreyar speaking."

"Ah, hello Mr. Dreyar, good morning! It's Meredy from Fairy Institution calling. I was wondering if you have the time to speak? It concerns two of our patients and I promise it will be quick. I would just like your opinion on something I feel I cannot handle alone."

"..."

"Mr... Dreyar?"

"I'm outside the building now. I will come to your office soon and we can discuss the matter there, if that's alright with you, of course."

Meredy's eyebrows raised. She had no idea he was going to stop by. "Oh! Oh, definitely, sir! Yes, no problem at all."

"Good. Then I will see you in a few minutes."

With that, the man hung up. Meredy hadn't realized how tense she was until she exhaled a sigh and relaxed her shoulders, putting the phone back onto the receiver. She swore talking to him cut years off her life.

In no time, there was a knock at her door. "Come in!" she permitted, forming her lips into a thin line as the door knob twisted.. It was pushed open, and in walked her four foot nine boss. Meredy plastered a smile on her mouth and stood, then walked to the man and shook his hand.

"It's a pleasure to have you here sir, it's been a while!"

They released hands and Meredy directed him to sit while she shut the door.

"Well it's a pleasure to be back, Miss Meredy. It definitely has been a while, hasn't it?"

"It has."

The woman sat back in her seat and once she folded her hands over her desk, she met Makarov's eyes. A gentle smile softened his features. It washed her nervousness away and she let out a huff of breath.

"So how are my children?"

Makarov called the patients his children because, well, Meredy guessed it was because he sympathized with them more than anyone. His family had their own share of mentally ill members, she'd found out through a confession from his son, Laxus Dreyar, the gym teacher.

"Most of them are doing just fine. A few episodes here and there, and that's expected, but nothing too out of the ordinary.. Except for one incident."

"Oh? Tell me about it."

"Do you remember Lucy Heartfilia? Blonde, age seventeen, admitted two months ago in September with schizophrenia?"

"I do. How is she? Any more stable?"

"A little, I dare say."

"So what about her?"

"There has been a.. _wedge_ of sorts.. in her recovery."

"_Hm_..? And what is this..."

"Rogue Cheney."

Makarov's jaw clenched and he ran his thumb and forefinger over his white mustache. When he didn't respond, Meredy continued, clearing her throat with a cough.

"Lucy and Rogue have been meeting under the noses of our staff."

"Lucy has been travelling to Rogue's room or the other way around?"

"She to his."

"Mmm," he hummed, "this is indeed a problem."

Meredy sagged back into her chair, furrowing her brows in thought.

"Lucy and Rogue have both confessed something. And the reason I called you earlier was to hear your opinion regarding the matter."

"Well, spit it out."

"They have seemed to have been physically inappropriate while in each other's presence."

"What is the extent of this contact?"

"Touching and kissing on Rogue's part."

"Lucy did nothing to reciprocate?"

"No. They have both confirmed the fact that Rogue did everything, only."

"What have you done to take care of this issue?"

"I have yet to do anything other than tighten the security of the third floor."

"Have you discussed it with the other counselors to get their opinions?"

"Not about how to punish them, no. I've only spoken of their recent get-togethers."

"And why haven't you?"

"Well, partly because I felt the information should be disclosed only to you and the two body guards that accompanied me to Rogue's room. Lucy has been very distressed over this, so in my opinion, I felt it was best to keep her business as discreet as possible. I think she would prefer it that way."

Makarov nodded his head, pensive. "Fair enough. I understand your reasoning."

Meredy picked at her painted nails beneath her desk idly, dropping the pink pieces she managed to peel off to the carpeted floor. She'd have to repaint them later.

"So what do you think is the right thing to do, sir?"

"Mmm... Did you ask _Lucy_ what she wanted to happen?"

The woman's eyebrows raised at his question, something which she hadn't even thought of doing.

"I have not."

"I think you should leave it up to her, Miss Meredy."

In the dining hall, Gray walked to the table where Erza and the others were sitting, his tray in his hands. He called the redhead's name and when she looked in his direction, he nodded his head to an empty table three away. She raised her eyebrows to begin, but then nodded and gathered up her lunch and stood.

"I'll see you later, guys," she said to the rest. Lucy and Levy waved her off before returning to their ongoing game of Uno.

Gray and Erza sat side by side, their backs facing the rest of the population. Erza sipped on a water bottle, steadily emptying the plastic of its liquid.

"How do I know if I'm thinking about something too much?" Gray wondered flatly, not bothering to look up from his pudding. Erza stopped drinking and glanced sideways, though she kept quiet. "I mean," he began after a while, "how do I know when it becomes unhealthy?"

"Uhh..? What do you... What are you referring to?"

"Dying?"

Gray said the word with uncertainty, a kind that made him question the act of opening his mouth in the first place. It felt rough as it nervously crawled along his throat and tasted sour as it dove off the tip of his tongue. The word swam between them, tensing the air and draining the color from Erza's face.

"Should you be telling me this?" she eventually asked. "I mean, wouldn't it be better to tell your counselor, instead of me?"

"..I guess."

"You're not thinking about... are you?"

"Shouldn't _I_ be the one asking _you _that?"

She ignored his question. "Answer me."

"Here and there, I'm starting to."

"Shit," she mumbled as she faced forward and put her elbows on the table, the heels of her palms digging into her eyes as she rubbed them. Erza knew all too well what he meant. "Really? You too?"

"I've just been thinking―"

She spat quickly, "Well don't, Gray. You're not going anywhere. Thinking about that _at all_ is unhealthy."

"You're thinking about it all the time though," Gray pointed out. As if she didn't already know that.

"And I'm very aware that I'm unhealthy, thank you. I'd rather not see my best friend go through the same thing I am, so."

"Yeah, but-"

"There are no buts here. Go tell your counselor what's going on, okay? Please. Before it gets out of hand."

She was starting to sound a lot like his mother.

"And what about you, huh? I know you're tight-lipped."

"You don't need to worry about me. Just worry about yourself."

Gray dropped his spoon onto his tray, turning his head to look at his friend incredulously, lips parted in exasperation. Really, she had the _audacity_ to say something like that? What the fuck?

"You're joking right? As if I'd ever stop worrying about you."

"You won't have to when I'm dead," Erza mumbled defiantly. It slipped.

Gray stared at her. He heard her loud and clear.

"You know I can have you put in suicide watch in a second, right?"

He regretted the impulsive words right after they left his mouth. It didn't even sound like him.

What a shitty thing to say.

"Seriously? Hey―Gray, come on. I didn't mean anything by it." Like a switch was flipped, Erza began to curl in on herself and visibly retreat. "Really," she assured with a nervous laugh, "so there's no need, okay?"

Gray closed his eyes and returned to his food. He imagined suicide watch was hell.

"Yeah, sorry, alright."

This wasn't her. The true her, the Erza before... everything happened. She had reassured him that she would have never had so much cowardice back then.

She has told Gray about herself, about how she was before her depression and suicidal tendencies shackled her and dragged her out to sea. He understood she was stranded in the middle of a vast pool . He himself was as well, so at the moment, he didn't know how to help her. So all he could do was listen.

_Flashback_

_"I didn't always used to be like this, you know," Erza clarified, winding her hand back to hit the ping pong ball back over the small net. "I'm so sensitive now it's disgusting." _

_Gray counterattacked by sending the small orange circle to Erza's far right. She lunged to get it but missed by mere centimeters, then groaned, jogging to retrieve the ball. Once she was back in position, Gray answered. "I don't think any of us were. And there's nothing wrong with being sensitive, either. Looks like I win again, too."_

_Erza bounced the ball on the blue surface of the table and hit it lightly with the front of her paddle. "Yeah, guess you're right. What's that again? Nine to ten?" _

_Gray hit the ball back to Erza. "I think so." _

_"How would you describe me right now, Gray?"_

_"Why?"_

_"I'm just curious―just want to know how you see me."_

_"Honestly?"_

_"Honestly."_

_Erza scored. _

_"Ten to ten." _

_"First one to fifteen wins, Erza."_

_"Go on." _

_"I... think you're kind of timid, maybe. Like you're__―ah shit, you won again."_

_"Timid?"_

_"Anyways, like you're scared to talk to people sometimes, and you don't want anyone to reach past your surface. Or something."_

_"That's deep."_

_"H-hey! Shut up―you asked!"_

_"Well, I wasn't always like that."_

_"You've said that. I win. Eleven to eleven."_

_"I used to be real tough, outspoken even. Sorta. Twelve to eleven. I was a figure of authority in my school once." The girl's face softened with reminiscence. _

_"But not anymore."_

_Erza shook her head to agree, frowning. "Yeah. Not anymore. Now I'm _this_." _

_"I can imagine it, though," Gray said, smiling to himself. "I can see it now: Student Council leader Erza attempts to keep troublemakers Gray and Natsu in line during school hours. She patrols the hallways between classes and sends the two rambunctious boys to the principal's office all the time." _

_For the first time in a long, _long _time, Erza was bursting with laughter. And to be honest, it really wasn't even that funny._

_"Oh my god! Yeah, yeah!" she cried happily, wrapping her hand around her stomach to keep the ache down. "I can totally see it too!" Her cheeks flushed and her lips hurt from the stretch of the smile she hasn't experienced in a while__. "That would be the dream."_

_Her laughter died down but her upturned lips lingered._

_"It really would be."_

_"Twelve to twelve."_

_"Gray, what! That's not fair! I was distracted! Stop tying it up!" _

_"Loser has to snag a candy bar from the kitchen for the victor."_

_"Fuck."_

_Erza was scared to say it, in fear that things might end if she voiced it, but little things like this made her the happiest, gave her feelings that steadily filled her with hope of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Dreaming of things that could have been, could _be _had kept Erza's mind from swerving too far off the road._

_But like everything, nothing lasts forever. And Erza didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. _

_Flashback End_

"Do you know what your biggest problem is?"

"I probably do. But tell me anyway."

"You can't let go of the past."

"Ah, yeah. That."

"So just keep that in mind, I guess. While you're working to recover."

"Yeah. Thanks. But you too, right?"

"Yeah, you're right."

"Guess we're both stuck, huh?"

"Guess so."

"Hey... Gray."

"Yeah?"

"Would it be okay if I told you a secret?"

* * *

**A/N: **[thumbs up] monkeywahl is back in the writing groove :-) and leaving you guys with a cliffhanger!


	15. Call for Me

_"If you put the wrong foods in your body, you are contaminated and dirty and your stomach swells. Then the voice says, Why did you do that? Don't you know better? Ugly and wicked, you are disgusting to me."_  
_― Bethany Pierce_

* * *

**_Chapter Fifteen_**

* * *

Okay, okay. Maybe Gray shouldn't have agreed to hearing what Erza had to say. Maybe he should have prepared himself, but he wasn't quite expecting _this_.

He had to get away. He _really _didn't know what to do or how to take it, or even what to say.

"Oh."

Yes, that was smooth, Gray; way to make her feel like she didn't make a mistake by telling you.

"Yeah."

Erza wasn't looking at him anymore and _shit shit shit _he needed to do something other than sit here and look like an asshole. So he hugged her. It was a weird side-hug that made him feel more uncomfortable and awkward than anything, and he was sure she felt the same by the way she tensed.

He took that short amount of time to come up with something that he could fish himself out of the gutter with and put Erza at ease. Finally.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me."

That's what it came down to ultimately, right? Trust? It was a strange thing that Gray didn't take lightly. He affiliated it with destruction from personal experience.

It worked, though. She relaxed and slumped against him, tilting her head against his. A few strands of her hair fell onto his lips and stuck there against his saliva, but he didn't attempt to remove it.

Gray thought he heard remarks that questioned what he was doing from his loud-mouthed pyromaniac of a friend but he couldn't be sure.

"Why did you tell me?"

The question caught Erza off guard despite the fact that she expected it to come up sooner or later. And even though she had known she was fumbling for an answer even now. She pulled away from Gray, and he released her, returning to his previous position in his seat. Her natural response would be she didn't know, and her counselor was very familiar with that particular one, but Erza knew from experience that saying "I don't know" wasn't always what she should say. But it was easier, and Erza always liked doing things the easy way.

"I don't know."

Gray's brows raised in minor disbelief, for he was anticipating that very same answer, but had room to believe she would be straight with him. He sighed then. "That doesn't help me understand." He ran a hand through his long hair, briefly pushing it from his forehead before it fell back into place. "There has to be a reason. Even a small one," he pursued.

Gray was seconds away from cringing. This was so _weird_. When was the last time he had a conversation like this, where he had to comfort someone? Especially over something this sensitive and touchy. Could he maybe try again another day?

He hoped he didn't sound as awkward as he felt.

"I guess..." she began, voice hesitant and unsure of itself, "it's just that I trust you."

"You do?"

Why was he even asking for clarification? She just said it; what more does he need? What more does he _want_?

"Yeah."

"Why?"

There had to be a reason behind this as well.

Erza shot back, urgency in her tone, "What do you mean? I just―_do_. We're close friends."

It's true that they've been here for quite a while together, so he guessed he understood. A little.

"Okay."

When Erza didn't respond, Gray took that as an opening to continue the subject himself if he wanted to. He did, and maybe he was pressing too much. He figured she'd stop him if he was digging too deep.

"When did it happen?"

"...When I was nine, so, eight years ago."

That seemed to go easy enough.

"Who... Who was it? Who did that to you?"

"It was my grandfather's friend." She sighed. "He was a disgusting old man with a disgusting young wife. They used to come around a lot to play cards."

Okay... a little more than Gray asked for, but he supposed that was fine too.

"Is he in jail?"

"Yeah. He got twenty-four years."

He was about to ask another question but Erza elaborated. "That damned wife of his kept going on and on about how it was my fault and how I _wanted _it, and that her husband wasn't that kind of man. That he shouldn't be in jail because he was a _good man_, and no one should've listened to a _kid_."

Gray quickly responded. "You don't think it's your fault though, right?"

Her eyes finally met his for the first time in minutes and he wished they hadn't. Her deep brown irises overflowed with woe and her sadness caused her eyes to become glassy. He felt his heart tighten painfully at the sight, and he swallowed thickly.

"Sometimes. But that's natural right? To think that, I mean. It wasn't like I could do anything to stop it-"

"That's-"

"It's like I go through this really messed up cycle, you know? I'm up and then I'm down, back to square one and hating myself even more than the last time. Over and over again, all because of that incident. It's what started everything you know."

Gray opened his mouth to speak but she interrupted him again.

"I get to thinking, and blaming myself, and this fucking place.." She ran her hands through her hair, moving it out of her eyes as they leaked. "You were right. I can't let go of the past. _God_, I'm so―"

This building was a grim reminder of that fact.

"Erza, stop."

_Stop making me feel so anxious_.

"Calm down and take a deep breath. Look at you, your face is all red."

_Because if you continue, I might breakdown too__._

Gray just wanted the conversation to end already. It was too much for her, and him too.

Stealing a shaky inhale for herself, Erza nodded and scratched at her upper arm, sniffling.

"Sorry, I kind just got..."

She didn't finish her sentence, nor did she get a chance to. The bell rang, granting Gray his wish.

They said their goodbyes and parted.

On the opposite end of the hospital, Lucy sighed. She'd rather be with Natsu. Or even Levy, for that matter, because Lucy swore that game of Uno was rigged and wanted a rematch. She would always rather be somewhere else when she was in Meredy's office. It smelled nice in there, sure, and the lady was lovely, but she never had fun sitting in front of the woman's desk while she threw question after question her way.

"How are you doing today, Lucy?"

"Fine, thanks."

Short and simple, short and simple, short and simple. Even though Lucy continued to chant that inside of her head, she and Meredy both knew that short and simple answers didn't mean she'd leave any quicker.

"Are you doing okay with your peers?"

"Yeah."

"No troubles?"

"None."

"Good... good. So there was a reason I called you down here today and it wasn't just to hear myself talk. I know you don't want to be here Lucy, but please just give me a minute."

"And that something is..?"

"What would _you _like to see happen to Rogue?"

"Oh here we go again!" Aquarius complained, plopping herself down on the edge of Meredy's desk. She leaned back on her hands, frowning. "I thought you said we didn't need to worry about that, Lucy?"

Lucy shrugged. "I thought so, Aquarius."

Meredy's pen scribbled something down.

"What do you want to happen?" There was the question again. Aquarius looked over her shoulder with bored eyes.

"Can you give me.. some choices, maybe?"

"Honestly?" Lucy's friend clicked her tongue and pulled her lip up into a disapproving snarl. "You can't think of anything yourself? I could think of five things that I would want to see done to that boy and you can't even think of _one_. Jeez."

"Well," Meredy started. She ran a soft brush whose tip was coated in a sparkling pink gloss across her lips. "It's mainly up to you. We could... have him removed from Fairy Institution-"

"What would.. would happen to him then?"

"He'd be transferred to a different hospital."

Lucy's eyes languidly traveled up the side of the wall as a high-pitched ring bounced around her ears. Was she really even listening anymore?

"We could.. put him under lockdown for the time being until things blow over and settle down. A guard could be with you at all times to ensure Rogue doesn't interact with you and vice versa. Lucy―are you even listening?"

"Hm?"

Guess not.

"Oh! The second choice," Lucy said suddenly, lurching forward as if to make sure Meredy wouldn't continue. She recomposed herself though, clearing her throat with a cough and settling back in the chair. Meredy nodded her head slowly.

"Okay, if that's what you want. We can do that."

The counselor wrote down Lucy's answer and circled it three times, then made a note to let Makarov know. She quietly sighed in relief. If Lucy had chosen to have Rogue transferred... She didn't even want to think of all the paperwork she'd need to fill out.

But this was doable.

"Say, Lucy. I know I said this wouldn't take long, but you have gym next, don't you? I would like to continue to talk, which means you could skip. Only if you want to, though. I won't force you to stay."

Lucy looked as if she were weighing her options and eventually yawned. "It's better than going to gym, I guess."

"Great," Meredy said, smiling. "So then, today, I think we'll talk about your family. Is that okay?"

A familiar sensation of nausea gently rolled against Lucy's abdomen at the sound of the topic. It made her uncomfortable―_really _uncomfortable―and she tried her best to always avoid it, though her efforts were usually in vain. Her friends were often telling her say little on the topic, but what else was new?

To be quite honest, it was starting to make her a little irritated. These past few weeks Lucy had... actually _wanted _to talk about what's going on inside her head. A little. More than she had desired to before of course, but she was constantly being set back by her friends because _speaking such feelings were dangerous_. She didn't really understand, since Meredy seemed so honest and not as threatening as Sagittarius and Gemini made her seem.

"I'd like to talk about your mom, Lucy. Layla was her name, correct?"

The blonde's response was quiet but it was there all the same. "That's correct." She stared to the carpet, not daring to meet the hostile gaze of Aquarius.

"I don't have many notes on her since you rarely speak of her, but I hope to gather more today. This is feasible, yes?"

_Feasible_? What the hell did that even mean?

"Yes." _Whatever, let's just get this over with._

"She is deceased, you've said. Do you think that growing up without her had a negative effect on you?"

"Yeah." Lucy tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and then began to pick at the dry skin around her fingernails.

"You know, it hurts when you bring up Layla," Aquarius mentioned, tone rid of her biting tongue.

Yes, she knew that; it hurt her too.

"Do you remember what she was like at all? I know you were young when she passed."

Lucy winced when she peeled back a piece too far and blood bubbled in the tear. She brought her finger to her lips and began to suck at it. Did she remember? _Did_ she? It was so long ago, and Lucy had never been great at remembering things. It was... When did her mother even die? Was it at age seven? Eight? Six? It was somewhere around there, Lucy knew, because it was around the time where her father's company was going under and he was always holed up in his office. That much was firmly engraved into her memory.

A furrow of her brow told Meredy that she was having trouble.

It pained Lucy to say it, but Aquarius even more. "No... I don't." Aquarius seemed to remember what Lucy remembered, but if the woman knew more about her mother then she let on, she wasn't spilling.

Lucy tried to picture Layla's face in her mind and came to find that it was impossible. Her face was a blur of pale skin and blonde hair similar to her own and Lucy could no longer feel her mother's hands like she used to. She swallowed hard. What was happening to her?

"Did your mother ― Lucy, hey, let's pay attention for a little while longer alright? I promise I'm almost done and then I'll let you go. Did your mother have.. have _friends_? Like the ones you have now?"

Lucy's answer was quick and it tasted very familiar.

"She did."

And that was the piece to the puzzle that had always seemed to be missing, that Meredy couldn't seem to find no matter how many times she shuffled the pieces around. Lucy's simple, straightforward answer that Meredy couldn't manage to wiggle out of her until now was like the skeleton key to Lucy's House of Disorders.

Meredy almost risked saying that things went perfectly this time. She knew better than to jinx herself that horribly.

"I actually... think that's it for today, Lucy. I need to gather my notes and see where we'll go from there for next time."

Lucy stood without another word and allowed the crimson liquid that stubbornly continued to bead run down the length of her digit. Aquarius followed closely on her heels and at the door stood Capricorn, bowing. "I'm sorry I was unable to help jog any memories of Layla," he apologized. Lucy mumbled a halfhearted dismissal to the butler and left the room.

Awareness was something Lucy wasn't great at having, and the people around her seemed to understand that more than she was able to. Even though most of the time, Lucy's mind was just _empty_, and she didn't often think much about _anything_, a portion of the back of her brain tugged at her to _learn _more, to _observe _more. And she wanted to. However, there was always someone, or multiple people stepping in her way. They coaxed her gently to step back inside of her shell, and she obliged. They pushed lightly on her shoulders so she'd sit down and stay. She always listened - always. She grew up with the reassurance that they knew best.

The part of Lucy that rarely ever surfaced sometimes murmured to her that things weren't always as they seemed, that her world would come crashing down around her one day. She shut that voice out the most but it was the loudest, so she found that it was hard to turn down the volume. The words it spoke were frightening, but irresistible to listen to.

Everything had gotten increasingly complicated since Lucy was ripped away from her placid, easygoing life and dropped into this one.

She couldn't wait until the storm past and she was allowed to pull herself from the wreckage.

She wondered, with an curious fear, if she would come out the same.

. . .

Levy won fair and square and everyone at that table knew it. But here she was, face-to-face with Natsu as he informed her of Lucy's request for a rematch because apparently, she cheated and Lucy _never_ loses at Uno.

"I think it might just be her disorder," Natsu told her, "you know."

The small girl responded with an understanding sigh. "Do you have any idea how long that last game lasted though?" She paused for a second, biting her lip. "I hope we don't have to go through that again. But it was fun. So... tell her I agreed to a rematch."

"Alright. Will do. See you at group, Levy!"

Natsu turned with a wave and Levy reciprocated it.

When he disappeared around the corner, the girl released a long breath and slumped against the cold wall, relaxing her shoulders and leaning her head against the white. Her stomach growled.

"Your lips don't look too pretty with a scowl, Lev."

Levy didn't even notice Gajeel step up to her. He stood a few feet away now.

She dropped the curl of her lip and rolled her head in his direction so she was looking up at him. "They were never pretty in the first place," was her dour response. They were dry and peeling and _gross_; unappealing like her body.

"I don't think they're too bad," he countered. Gajeel stepped in front of her and Levy placed her hands behind her back, cupping her fingers around her opposite hand's palm. He grabbed her chin gently by putting the side of his forefinger and his thumb against her jaw. He forced her to look up at him but he did not meet her eyes. Instead, he gazed across her bottom lip and lingered his focus there like he was examining her until she released a shaky exhale.

"They look kissable enough to me."

Heat erupted across her face, smearing a red beneath the surface of her skin, averting her fixation elsewhere. Gajeel curved his lips into a small smirk at her bashful reaction.

He made her feel the smallest when he stood over her like this, made her feel vulnerable and exposed. Gajeel seemed to be the best at this, but it was easy to do either way. He slid his thumb across her chin in small smoothing motions, and she wasn't sure if it was his skin or hers that was so rough. It was probably hers and it only made her feel more deflated.

"Why are you so good to me?" she whispered in a breathless manner. Gajeel stopped his actions but didn't let go, tightening his hold the slightest bit. She exchanged her view of the hallway for Gajeel's piercing study.

Her voice was hesitant and soft when she claimed, "You still hardly even know me."

"I'm waiting," he answered quickly, the unspecific content of his words drawing a quiet _huh? _from her lips. "I'm waiting," he repeated, tilting his head, expression melting into something more sincere, "until you're ready to share all of yourself with me." She downcast her eyes, feeling that she's watched him enough. "I won't push anything."

"I know."

Levy _knew_; she knew she knew she _knew_. It only served to make her feel more guilty because she was keeping anything and everything from him while he shared more than she had ever wanted.

Levy wrapped her hand around Gajeel's wrist and pulled so he released her. She closed her tired eyes. "I'm sorry."

When she reopened them, he was gone and she was once again left alone in the hall with the pain in her belly. A distant thought accompanied that discomfort: if she never moved forward, she was sure she'd lose Gajeel. Even if he said he'd never leave, he'd always stick by her side, she knew no one wanted to deal with a lost cause. And if she ended up just that, the only road she'd be able to travel on was the road to death.

Maybe that was the quickest route to happiness?

* * *

**A/N: **I'm revising most of this story and adding details so it doesn't suck too much. I would really appreciate a review, thank you!


	16. Reach for Me

_"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone."_  
_― Orson Welles_

* * *

**_Chapter Sixteen_**

* * *

There was once a girl.

That girl was healthy. That girl had a smile that could brighten up a room even on the darkest of days. That girl had legs that carried her to first place in her track meets. She had a _future _with those legs.

But now that girl was sick and that dream was impossible. That girl's smile was now faded and yellow and was hidden behind reddened, cracked lips. That girl's legs were no longer muscular and lean, but thin and brittle.

Levy swallowed around the dryness in her throat.

Counselor Ultear was passing out composition notebooks for them to write in as like a diary of sorts. It was a new thing.

"I won't look at them if you don't want me to," the woman told them as she handed a notebook to Natsu. "You'll have time to write at the end of the session since you're not allowed to have pens or pencils in your rooms."

Erza raised her hand. "Are we going to be writing in them everyday?"

"About that I think."

Gajeel lifted his notebook in the air and waved it: "What are we supposed to write about?"

Ultear handed out pens next. She sat down after doing so.

"Well, you could write about your feelings or thoughts. That's pretty obvious, right? Of course, you aren't limited to just those. Also, you guys aren't always with me or Ms. Meredy or Mr. Connell-"

"Who's 'Mr. Connell'?" Gajeel interrupted, and Ultear raised her slim brows.

"You-? Mr. Alzack? You guys don't call him Mr. Connell?"

The boys shook their heads.

"Well, anyways, back to what I was saying. There are things that you guys don't want to say aloud, right? But you want to get them out?" She paused, scanning the semicircle. "I've given you the notebooks so that you can just write them down. And again, I won't look at them if you don't want me to."

"I didn't have much planned today and we have... twenty-five minutes left. You guys may begin."

Levy twirled the pen between her index and middle finger. It's been a long time since she's had to actually _write _something. She opened the notebook to the first page, folded the cover over, and set it on her knee.

_Journal entry #1_

_I guess I'll start off by complaining since I don't know how else to start this silly thing... _

_The staff won't let me weigh myself or count my calories. Of course they won't, since it's apart of my disorder and all, but it's still torture. How am I supposed to know how many calories are in these breakfasts, lunches, and dinners?_

_Exactly. I don't, and it stresses me out to the max. _

_Miss Meredy knows that too, but it's helping me "get over my disorder" as she's said. It's tough, so so tough; but what else am I to expect?_

_S__ince I've been forced to eat, I can definitely tell I've gained some weight. Too much weight. I'm bloated and my stomach isn't as flat as it used to be. Plus, my thighs are looking bigger. It bothers me to the point I'm tempted to throw up my food afterwards. I've never done it before but there's a first for everything._

_However, on the bright side, I won't look as gross, right? When I'm healthy again? __I'm too conflicted to come up with a straight solution, though. If I end up eating too much, I'll be fat and gross, but if I keep this up, I'll continue to be bone-thin and gross. Can I win here? I can't tell._

_I don't want to have this nasty skin anymore. It's practically yellow in some spots and unbearably dry. I want long, pretty nails like Juvia's, but mine always end up breaking or I just bite them until they bleed. It's a habit that I can't seem to shake, but I don't try too hard to stop. _

_Plus my teeth, god my teeth. I don't even want to write about them. I could cry and that's not something I want to do when my friends are feet away from me._

_I didn't eat yet today. Erza tried to make me but I refused. My stomach hurts but I've gotten over the initial hunger pains and I'm kind of dizzy. Maybe I'll eat a little bit of dinner._

_Probably not._

_The bell is about to ring._

_November 19, 3:56 P.M. Thanksgiving's next week. It's another one without my father._

"Okay guys! You can close up your journals now and hand them to me. Put them in my right hand if I'm able to read them and my left if you don't want me to."

Levy put hers in Ultear's left hand.

Time after that was spent with Gajeel, as usual. Instead of being in her room though, they were in the game room. They were lounging against the sea of beanbag chairs stationed in a corner of the room.

He idly stroked her hair. Mrs. Eclair, the supervisor, stood beside the door, face buried in her phone. She was playing some game where she was taking care of this virtual yellow bird. Levy saw when she walked in.

A radio station Levy wasn't familiar with hummed quietly through the loud speaker. The beat was slow and only served to fuel her sleepiness. She yawned, gaining Gajeel's attention.

"You can't go to sleep yet," he told her, as if her yawn had said she was planning to head to bed. "You haven't eaten yet today."

It took her a few moments to answer him. The feeling of his large fingers combing across her scalp was like a lullaby lulling her to sleep. It distanced her consciousness further and further away the more his fingers brushed against the nape of her neck. She was quiet and content when she said, "I'm used to it."

He frowned at that.

"You shouldn't be."

The petite female ripped herself from her tranquility and furrowed her brows. She removed her cheek from her palm to look up at him, disentangling his fingers from her thin hair. The loss of contact was disappointing to say the least.

"But I am, Gajeel."

Why did that work her up so much? She didn't know, but it pissed her off.

She didn't want to continue the topic.

"Sorry," he mumbled, looking down into his lap and fiddling with a loose thread at the hem of his t-shirt. Levy watched as he unraveled it an inch before tearing it off.

"Lev," he called after a few minutes of tense silence. The song, whatever it was, ended and the station went to commercials. Mrs. Eclair smiled at her screen.

"What?"

"Do you think I'm a good guy?"

She didn't even need to think about it. "Of course I do."

"Even though I'm like this? 'Yer sure?"

"Your disorder doesn't define you." He once told her that. She had believed him, but she wasn't so sure now. She wasn't sure about much of anything anymore.

Gajeel could be a huge softy, and the thought of it brought a tender smile to Levy's lips; it was her favorite part of him. He could be as vulnerable as she could. It was a rare sight, but a heart-swelling one at that. Other times, though, he could be blunt, inconsiderate, and violent. She disliked that side the most, and it was the one he was referring to.

Natsu, Gray, and Erza walked into the room then, the two boys chatting loudly. Natsu's head tipped back as he let out a roar of laughter, catching the duo's attention. Levy watched as a scowl pulled at Gajeel's lip.

"I swear," Gajeel said lowly after they settled at one of the games, "they need to learn how to stop bein' so loud. Don't they know what an inside voice is?"

"I guess not," Levy mumbled dismissively. She didn't take interest in speaking ill of her friends.

Gajeel could snap like a twig beneath a man's foot: without effort or much pressure. That was the kind of person he was now. And snap is what Gajeel did.

His disorder, Levy knew, didn't allow him to control his anger. So when he suddenly stood up with a loud yell after the three didn't quiet down, she wasn't surprised.

She'd dealt with this before, she told herself. And it was true. A security guard was usually by his side in seconds, so she didn't have much time to attempt to calm him down herself. Now was different though, and Mrs. Eclair was delayed in calling for security.

Things passed by in a blur.

One moment Levy was rushing to Gajeel's side as he stalked to Natsu and Gray. Gajeel yelled brief things Levy couldn't hear through her heart's thrumming, drowning her within a muffled pool of panic.

Gajeel's ire did not have a fuse, no - Levy wasn't sure it ever had. He exploded without any warning. One second he was relaxed, chatting, smiling, and the next his voice was echoing around the room, entire body tense.

Gajeel was in Natsu's face before Levy knew it, shouting. Natsu was taken off guard, so with indignation rippling across his features, he began to defend himself.

"What's your problem, Gajeel?!" Natsu shouted.

Voice after voice, yell after yell, body crowding around body. There was a shove. It was Gajeel.

Natsu stumbled back and Gray latched onto his arm to prevent him from falling. Erza closed in on Gajeel as she tried to get between the two boys. Natsu was coming back to return the favor, and Mrs. Eclair tried to get past Erza to replace her. The supervisor was saying _something_, but Levy felt as if she were underwater.

Levy was slightly behind Gajeel and to his left, lightly touching his arm and trying to calm him down. Deep down she knew it was vain. He wasn't listening to her.

It was chaos, and time seemed to pass by in slow motion, but the ordeal couldn't have lasted more than fifteen seconds.

Gajeel turned around and those piercing, bright eyes met Levy's for a moment. He was blinded by his rage, his episode shattering the iron wall containing his self-control.

She didn't have time to react before his left arm was swinging back and his opened hand made contact with her body.

Her tailbone hit the tiled floor with a loud crunch first, followed by her arms and then her head.

There was a pop.

Then things went quiet.

A sharp throbbing circled the back of Levy's skull as she exhaled through her open mouth, the white ceiling above becoming a blurred mess of black dots. A numbing sensation crawled around her elbow, leaving behind prickles as it passed.

"_Shit_," she groaned breathlessly, vision staying hazy. She held her bent left elbow in the air, hovering her right hand beneath it. She was afraid that any contact would only bring more pain.

It was definitely broken. This wasn't the first time she has had to deal with a broken bone.

She felt like she was about to throw up and the emptiness in her stomach only served to encourage the action. Her name was being called at this point, bodies shifting from Gajeel to her as security grabbed him.

Her eyes flicked upward, flooding with tears. They watched as Gajeel picked up the pieces of himself. Sorrow was threading itself beneath his skin, she could tell. She'd never seen those wide eyes or furrowed brows or those shocked, parted lips before.

That kind of expression just wasn't for him. She didn't want to see it ever again.

Through the commotion and the throb within her elbow, Levy was able to make sense of what brushed past Gajeel's lips.

"_Levy_," he said, "oh my god, _Levy_, I'm-"

A scream tore past Levy's throat and she threw her head back against the floor, the additional pain distracting her momentarily. Her arm fell backwards. Arms weren't supposed to bend that way.

Gajeel tried to yell out to Levy, to _apologize_, because _**god**_, _he didn't mean to_, but the damage was done. His voice was too busy being caught and restrained in his throat to say her name.

Tears were streaming down the girl's face, overcome with discomfort and agony. It couldn't be ignored just by the grinding of her teeth. She wanted it to stop, everything to just _stop_. She wanted to feel weightless again, how she felt when she would go a few days without eating.

Her wails hit Gajeel like a bus, crushing him beneath its weight and immobilizing him. But he _was _moving, farther away from her against his will.

He jerked his shoulders forward to loosen the hands preventing him from running back to her side. However, the men were stronger and much bigger than he was. "Calm down," one of the men told him, and he responded with low whimpers as he attempted to look over his shoulder.

Nurses were swarming into the room. Their frantic looks only served to twist the knife in his gut further. It was cutting up his insides, but Gajeel figured that if he deserved something, it would be that. Lucy ran past him in a flash, face scrunched together in worry.

He was the cause of all this.

There were things in Gajeel's life that he screwed up, that he accomplished, and there were things that he never got the chance to do.

He accomplished becoming friends with Levy. She was the only person who accepted him for _him_ and every layer beneath his surface that she explored. He believed she would accept the ones she hasn't gotten to yet, too.

Could he even say there was a "yet" anymore? God, he didn't want to screw this up, but he _did_, and _god_, he had promised himself he wouldn't. He had promised that this time was different but apparently it wasn't. Apparently she wasn't important enough to make a serious attempt to control himself.

No, no, that absolutely wasn't right.

There was just so much damn _anger _etched into him, ripping at and tearing away his flesh. He was left with only his raw existence, disabling his ability to maintain a sense of composure. Anger was all he knew and Levy had busied herself teaching him otherwise. But, as he had thought, it only lead them to _this_.

He knew one day, just _one day _he'd snap, and something would go wrong, but he never anticipated _this_. Why couldn't it have been Natsu who fell? Gray? Even Erza? Anybody but _her_.

She was so fragile, so delicate, too pure to be in such a position.

Gajeel was a rough guy. He had not one smooth edge. Despite that, _she _was the first person to attempt to work to flatten his jagged edges. He didn't want whatever they had, if they had anything at _all_, to end.

Was this wound so deep he wouldn't get the chance to patch it up? Would he be able to rebuild her trust after something like this? He was sure it shattered right when she fell. She might already hate him. Gajeel could handle a lot of things, but that was not one of them.

* * *

**A/N: **I feel like Gajeel's disorder in so very important. I really want to try to focus on the importance of harboring anger, and I'm not too sure what I can say _now _that will express how... _serious _it really is. However I'll do my best to convey it through Gajeel's character from here on out.

Anyways. Suggestions? Thoughts? Things you would like to/would have liked to see? Leave me a review!


	17. Present to Me

_"A sick thought can devour the body's flesh more than fever or consumption."  
__― Guy de Maupassant _

* * *

_**Chapter Seventeen**_

* * *

If Levy stared hard enough, she could make out the small intricate designs that made up the ceiling.

Exquisite.

There was a sudden clatter in the infirmary. She popped her head up so she was able to look over the bed beside her to the doorway. Nurse Lisanna was crouched on the floor, an angry pout crinkling her features as medical supplies littered the area.

"Do you need help?" Levy wondered as she watched the young woman gather rolls of gauze into her arms. Lisanna popped her head up and searched for the patient's face.

"Oh, no dear! You need to just rest. Thank you for the offer though."

"Okay," Levy replied, voice small, carefully sinking back down into the sheets. Her left elbow, encased in a splint, settled upon the pillow beside her waist. Lisanna stood with a huff after a minute or so, a metal tray occupying her hands. She placed it on the table standing against the wall and turned back to the hall.

"I'll be back in a little bit, okay?"

"Sure... no problem."

Her "little bit" quickly turned into an hour, leaving Levy to suffocate beneath the room's silence. The noiseless air felt like home.

The clock above the door ticked incessantly with each passing second.

Levy groaned in restlessness. What a shitty way to spend Thanksgiving: practically going mad from her unavoidable solitude.

Wishing was all she could possibly do nowadays so that's what she did.

She wished for a situation redo, so she didn't have a concussion and a broken elbow.

She wished to be away from the hospital, sitting at her family's dinner table, eating bits of the turkey her mother made for the occasion. She wished for her father's presence, no matter how greatly she despised him. He was still her father and she was still his little girl.

She wished he had never stormed out on that Thanksgiving night four years ago. He'd still be alive if he hadn't.

Most of all, she wished for Gajeel. He hasn't visited since the incident.

She didn't blame him.

Speaking of the devil, there was a knock.

Levy turned to face the source of the greeting as her mind ran blank. She'd been readying herself for this moment over the past week, but now that he was standing in the same room with her, she was certainly not prepared.

"Happy Thanksgiving," she said quietly.

_Act_ _casual_, she told herself; that should at least put him at ease. She could only imagine how nerve-wracking coming to see her was.

"Happy Thanksgiving."

Gajeel rigidly walked closer to her, a rose between his hands.

Levy sat up. "Where'd you get that?" she wondered. "The garden?"

She watched his throat as he swallowed. She could hear it, too, since the air was so still.

"Yeah. I picked it when we went outside today."

"Did you get yelled at? You know how Porlyusica gets about her garden."

Gajeel set the flower on the bedstand and backed away a few feet. He wouldn't look at her.

"She wasn't out today."

"...That's a first."

Gajeel nodded after that, and once again, uncomfortable silence settled in the room. If things were going to be like this, Levy would have preferred loneliness.

She swept her eyes over the rose's thorns. They reminded her of him.

"There's nothing, uh..." Gajeel trailed off, brows furrowing as he acknowledged the aftermath of his destruction. "There's nothing I wouldn't do to make it up to you. And I.. I know even then it won't be enough." His hands flew to his eyes and he rubbed them, groaned, then slid his fingers up and ran them through his hair. Their eyes met. His were bloodshot, as if he was holding back a pool's worth of tears.

"I'm sorry, Levy. I don't know what else to do, I.. I'm such a horrible person." He broke their eye contact. "I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to be friends-"

"You can stay with me."

Her offer was soft and barely audible, and she too refused to face him.

"..What?"

"Stay with me, if you don't know what else to do."

"But why.. after I-"

"Because you're all I have, Gajeel. It was just an accident. You didn't mean it."

"Accident or not, I still _hurt _you. I broke your elbow for God's sake!"

He apparently didn't know about the concussion. That was fine. She didn't want to add on to his distress, so she wasn't going to let him know.

"Gajeel-"

"I already fucked things up enough. It's all I'll ever be able to do."

"It'll heal."

"You should hate me."

"It'll _heal_."

"What type of friend-!"

"It'll _HEAL_, I said, Gajeel! Stop it! _Listen_ to me!" she pleaded. Levy had to raise her voice to get his attention, and finally, he shut up. He watched her with uncertainty.

"Stop it, stop it," she commanded. "Stop blaming yourself. _I_ don't blame you. I don't _hate_ you. It was an accident, that's all. My elbow will heal. You're here now. That's enough for me."

Nurse Lisanna jogged into the doorway and stopped.

"Are you okay?! I heard ye...lling."

Gajeel turned around to face the nurse and Levy looked past him.

"Oh," Lisanna murmured. Surprise slowly dwindled from her features to be replaced with tenseness. "Hi Gajeel."

He nodded in response.

Lisanna met Levy's stare with curiosity and precaution. "Are things okay?"

"Yes," Levy answered. "Could you give us a few minutes, please?"

"Ah, yes. I'm sorry for interrupting."

"It's fine."

Levy sighed once the woman left and Gajeel turned back to her. She pat the space beside her then, and Gajeel sat by her waist. He sighed too.

Levy scratched her left shoulder and smiled. "We're a mess," she stated humorously. Gajeel raised his eyebrows.

"Everyone in here is a mess. We're just a special case, I guess."

Levy wasn't lying when she said it was enough for him to just be there. To others, maybe such a thing wouldn't be. For Gajeel it was a large step, because he'd often let his friendships diminish. He wouldn't waste a breath in trying to save them. They weren't worth it, they never were. But _she _was. And Levy knew that. It made her feel powerful, in a way.

Special.

Levy has never felt special, always reduced to thinking the least of herself. But Gajeel made her feel loved.

"So.. why are you still in the infirmary? Aren't you allowed to leave since your injury.."

"Yeah.. It was just quieter in here and the nurse said I didn't have to go back if I didn't want to."

She hoped he didn't take it as her trying to avoid him. Well, in truth, she was, but only a tiny bit.

"When are you.. going to come back? Like, you know, to classes and stuff."

"I don't know. I'm getting sick of sitting here alone for hours on end so probably soon."

"Good. I miss you."

Levy's lips lifted into a small smile as she gazed out the window. She felt her chest swell with endearment.

"I've missed you too," she admitted. "And thank you for the flower."

* * *

**A/N: **[inserts Mushu "I live" meme and looks around] hi guys how are you all?

Ok I know this was short and awfully boring but I just needed to get back into the groove of things and our babies needed to reconcile. I took a lil break from writing much of anything new this summer since I've been focusing on revising. Though I really haven't gotten much of anything done.

Instead of writing, I've been reading a lot of manga, and... I don't know. It seems like all I've done this summer is waste time.


	18. Test Me

_"Am I a mindless fool? My life is a fragment, a disconnected dream that has no continuity. I am so tired of senselessness. I am tired of the music that my feelings sing, the dream music."  
__― Ross David Burke_

* * *

**_Chapter Eighteen _**

* * *

Good things come to those who wait. It was an old saying Wendy Marvell used to hear from her late mother. She didn't know who originally said it, or how long you were supposed to wait; however, it taught her patience and left room for a silver lining.

Wendy was a relatively positive fifteen-year-old girl. She herself didn't think she belonged in a mental hospital, because there wasn't anything that serious going on. She wasn't endangering herself, nor was she off the rocker. She just had a few disorders that could easily be treated by some simple therapy she could receive at home. On the other hand, being admitted was not her decision.

Her mother died about four years ago. Wendy's aunt was directed to raise her niece after the mother's passing. She was a strict woman and had never been fond of children, so Wendy figured sending her away like this was her aunt's way of not feeling guilty about getting rid of her.

The girl twirled strands of her short hair around her index finger and yanked, ripping pieces from her head. She held the hair before her to see how much was removed―two pieces―and wrapped them around her fingers before she released her hold. She ripped out five more strands and then swallowed hard, feeling the spot on her head where there was hardly any hair left. She moved her hair around to cover it (hopefully) and continued on to lunch.

Wendy walked past the new blonde girl - well, she wasn't exacted _new _anymore, but Wendy didn't quite remember her name. Lily, was it? Lara..? No.. Lana..? Lacey? No, no... _Lucy_! Yes it was Lucy. Lucy Heartfilia. Schizophrenic.

Lucy was leaned up against the wall, talking to the blank space before her. Wendy averted her attention as she past, examining her chewed, bloody nails. Scabs from constantly picking at and peeling the dry skin surrounded them, unattractive and brown. She then put her hands down to her sides and sighed. She rubbed her lips together, feeling the roughness of her raw skin.

These picking disorders have been kicking her ass for years now, leaving her skin riddled with pink and white scars, scabs and scratch marks. She was living in her own personal hell.

Wendy strolled through the cafeteria doors and to the lunch line. She passed by Natsu's table where the group of her elders chatted animatedly. They seemed deep in conversation, so she just glanced over instead of saying hello to her acquaintance. She sat at the table next to them when she returned with her lunch in hand.

"Did you hear? Bacchus got caught trying to give Cana her alcohol."

"How long did they think they could keep that up? For real."

"That's besides the point. What's happening with Cana? Where is she?"

"Who knows? All _I_ heard was that Cana's room got searched and they found her bottles. There's obviously no alcohol here, and she's always being visited by Bacchus, so if you put two and two together.."

"Well shit. Can't he get in legal trouble because of that?"

"Probably."

Natsu leaned back in his chair, his eyebrows held high as he exhaled a long sigh through his mouth. "They're in some deep shit," he said.

Just then, the person of interest burst through the door, her upper right arm held in a tight grip by a security guard. "You can fuckin' let go of me now," she barked, glaring at the man as he walked her forward. "It's not like I'm goin' anywhere ya damn bastard."

He released her, stating, "You have thirty minutes to eat."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, old man. Would you like to sit with me too? Feed me while you're at it?"

"Just get goin' before I change my mind."

The patient walked away with a scoff, attention being grabbed by her friends' stares burning through her. Actually, it seemed like every single eye in the hall was focused on her, now that she glanced around. Cana pulled up a seat next to Gajeel, and a few quiet seconds passed, the group awaiting her explanation anxiously.

Gajeel noticed how the bags beneath her eyes were more prominent than the last time he saw her, noticed how her skin was clammy and pale.

Levy's impatience seemingly got the best of her.

"_So_?" she wondered insistently, peering out from behind Gajeel's frame as she leaned forward to look to her right.

"So you guys know?"

"Of course we know!"

"How'd you guys find out? I've been in detox."

_That explains it._

"The nurses gossip pretty loudly."

"Mirajane?"

"Yep."

"Figures."

"So _what _happened!"

"Levy, _chill out_. My room got raided. That's it."

"Why weren't you prepared this time?"

"As if I knew they were gonna check, Natsu."

"I _mean_, how did you get away with it all those other times?"

"They'd knock on my door and I'd gather up my bottles and keep them on me. Pretend I was asleep so they'd have to wait longer for my reply." Cana sighed as she leaned back in her chair, taking a quick look behind her at the guard to make sure he wasn't paying attention to their conversation. She doubted he could hear them over the commotion of the dining hall, but still. She found that he wasn't even looking up. "Bacchus would take the empties in exchange for new ones, so it was kind of an even balance. I never had too many at one time."

The collective "Oh.." had the brunette nodding.

"But now Bacchus has to go court and all... I don't know when, and I don't know what's going to happen so don't even ask about it."

"Well hey, the quicker you recover the quicker you can get out of here," Erza commented.

"Wait, what? I'm sorry? _Recover_?" Cana's eyes rolled over to Erza, eyebrows raising dangerously with a sort of mock expression twisting her face. As if Cana was interested in something like that. "Maybe you should take your own advice before you start handing it out to others. Hypocrisy is _ugly_."

"Come on Cana," Natsu groaned in mild anger, furrowing his brows. "That was so unnecessary."

Cana took a second to close her eyes and exhale, putting her face in her hands and rubbing her fingers into her eyes. "_Erg_," she grumbled. When she took her hands away, her eyes were red and her skin was visibly paler. She apologized with brief sincerity, irritability lingering.

"'S fine," Erza replied, but Natsu didn't think it was really fine.

Wendy didn't think so either.

She really shouldn't be eavesdropping, but damn, it's been a while since the last time she was able to get in on some drama. She didn't have any friends at the institution aside from Natsu, but even then, he didn't talk about what went on within his group of friends. He's only recently talked about Lucy, but nothing too in depth about her.

Wendy would treat herself a little bit more.

Apparently Bacchus was aware of his girlfriend's slip up. And Cana knew he wouldn't willingly let the authorities haul him away. No, he was much more explosive than that. More daring; wild.

Willing to make sure he and his baby girl were together forever.

And Cana sure was willing, too.

* * *

**A/N: **I _know _this is short, dear god - but I hope this can hold you guys off until I'm able to dive back into this fic. I'm so flippin' busy and mentally exhausted bc of school.

Thank you guys soo much for continuing to support me.


	19. Explain Me

_"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you."_

_― Friedrich Nietzsche_

* * *

**_Chapter Nineteen_**

* * *

Cana was seventeen and Bacchus was twenty-two. Their relationship would often be seen as Bacchus merely using Cana for sex, but that couldn't have been farther from the truth.

She changed many things about him, and not believing in love at first sight was one of them. He could finally open his eyes, his mind, when he was with her. She gave him the freedom he longed for, made him feel like anything was possible. And with her, _it was_.

She seemed to give nothing but support and healthy vibes to him, while his influence drove her down the same dark path he was traveling. He believed she'd be so much better off if she'd just leave him, if they never even _met_, but she couldn't. Refused to. A part of him knew that she understood he was no good, but that never stopped either of them from continuing their relationship. They loved each other more than themselves.

Bacchus had been in love with Cana since the very moment he laid eyes on her. He fell in love with her spunk, her audacity, her cheekiness. He fell in love with the glow of her brown hair beneath the sun, the way it'd get frizzy in the summer, the way her waves bounced against her shoulders when she'd laugh. He fell in love with the freckles that dotted her shoulders and the mole on the left side of her stomach.

Cana Alberona was the best thing that ever happened to the alcoholic. (_Yes_, he could admit it, as much as he hated labeling himself such a thing. And _no_, he didn't want help). It was immature of him to never break it off, to encourage her descent into destruction, to _aid _it, but her way with words had him struggling, and her smile, that goddamn smile—

Well, don't get him wrong. He didn't introduce her to booze in the first place. He had her deadbeat father to thank for that one, while rarely being home but always having liquor within reach. Cana had no idea where her father disappeared to for weeks on end and didn't care enough to ask. Their relationship was hardly one at all; she was reluctant to even call him 'Dad'.

If he loved her then he wouldn't vanish. If he loved her then he'd actually give her the time of day. If he loved her then he'd tell her who and where her mother was.

Cana wasn't able to find love within her guardian so she turned to pouring everything she had into Bacchus.

They'd drink together any time they were able to. It was their common ground, their go-to. Whether they had a rough day and needed to escape, destroy their inhibitions, or simply have _fun_, the warm liquid supplied them with everything they needed. At first, that is, when their relationship was new and adventurous as they searched the other, exploring new depths. Eventually, the spontaneity of their love dissolved into something that could only be described as humdrum.

Neither of their lives burst with excitement, with Bacchus working full time and Cana still in high school. They didn't go out to parties or venture downtown where mischief ran wild. They simply kept to themselves; it's what Cana wanted.

Bacchus floundered to support his alcoholism and bills at the same time and it wasn't difficult to guess which one took priority. Aside from his financial mess, he could say that he was happy. He was the happiest when he was with his girlfriend.

But what's good must come to an end at some point, right?

Her father was a real piece of shit and deserved to get a few teeth knocked out for his absence. He came back for a week, from God knows where, and come Sunday, he had decided to send Cana off to Fairy Institution. Merely looking at the bar—nearly empty, save a few bottles—admitted everything Cana wouldn't. It wasn't like she hid her issue like a professional either.

What kind of father would be okay with sticking their little girl in a mental hospital?

The young man attempted to prevent her departure but it was proved to be foolish. Her father said that if Bacchus got in the way, a trip to prison would be ensured. Bacchus didn't have a choice. If he got thrown in prison, then who'd visit her? Who'd be waiting for her when she got out? Not her old man that's for damn sure. So he reluctantly let her be shipped off to the hospital without protest.

Great boyfriend, he knew.

But now, Christmas not too far off, said 'great boyfriend' came up with a plan.

Cana was very sneaky - always has been, always will be. Adding Bacchus to that mix would make them practically invisible.

And so it did.

Bacchus expertly gained the trust of the security guards and Meredy, frequently calling to discuss Cana's progress and his concerns. Getting past them once more now that they knew he'd been supplying her with her alcohol made things all the more difficult, but not impossible.

He had close ties with Evergreen. If he could convince her to let him see Cana just one more time, then they could set the plan in motion.

He was going to break her out and run away with her. There was no way he was going to court. Court meant money he didn't have was going to be spent, time wasted on a case he doubted he'd be found innocent for. Then he'd _definitely _be behind bars. He couldn't do that, not to her.

Bacchus was the only one who loved her, the only one she could _home_. He didn't know what she would do without him. He didn't know what he'd do without _her_.

The young man acknowledged the danger of it all but nothing at this point would stop him. That's what her love did to him, made him do crazy things.

He and Cana spoke about the breakout during visitation a while back. She knew their charade couldn't be kept up forever. She'd snag a key for the security checkpoints, which wouldn't be too hard. The janitor, Ichiya Kotobuki, was a real shit-for-brains.

Tomorrow morning, Bacchus told himself, he'd call Evergreen and beg like he'd never begged before.

* * *

**A/N: **I'm honestly sick of looking at this but I _promise _the next chapter with be a much longer.


End file.
